Another Open Forum With MT3

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Mar 27, 2014.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Hi Team!!

    Once again, I'm here to answer your questions! Why? Because I care! Anything is on the table!! Ask away!!

    Love,
    Matt
     
  2. fedupforsure

    fedupforsure Member

    we are supposed to be the leader, the ones on the cutting edge, so why would we buy dra, a 10 year old program for 10 million dollars(confirmed by a district direator)
     
  3. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    Hi Fatty Matty!

    Why did you make a point of saying the SFA is voluntary this year?
    What are you so scared of?
     
  4. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Hi Happy Team Member,

    Your top management team exhaustively researched DRA and determined it was an excellent value!! As you can see by the astounding results, it was a great move and a wise business decision! Go out there tomorrow and do one more for Uncle Matt, OK?

    Love,
    The Exalted MT3
     
  5. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Downhill,
    Thanks for delivering the Purple Promise!! Shhh...but Master Smith said I'd have a purple fanny if the SFA reflected badly on upper management. So, please say nice things about me, OK?

    Love,
    Your Friend and Best Buddy,
    MT3
     
  6. Route 66

    Route 66 Flacid Member

    Dear Matt

    just wondering....after you and Freddles enjoy your invigorating steambath, do you playfully snap each others flabby bums with your towels as you frollick around together in the shower room?

    I'm not asking for myself, ya see, I'm asking for a friend who doesn't have a computer or fingers or anything.

    Love and peace,
    66
     
  7. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    Hey Matt,

    We have notice you don't wave your hands around anymore during the videos. So do the producers tie them to the chair or are they edited out during post production?

    HH
     
  8. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear 66,

    Great question!! Actually, towel-snapping and rubdowns are Dano's job. Recently, he got a night in the box Cool Hand Luke style for snapping Fred on his tiny package. That Dano has some really good aim!!

    Your Hot Loving Steambath Hunk,
    Matt
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List
  9. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Hanna,

    Another super question from a Purple Promise Person!! Recently, I went to the Mayo Clinic and was diagnosed with Happy Hands Syndrome, which has symptoms of uncontrolled hand-waving, a dangerous lack of judgment, and a total lack of concern for others. I take lots of medication and have a special rubber biscuit I chew when they give me electroshock therapy. It tastes like bubble gum!!
    Love,
    Uncle Matt
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
  10. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    Matt,
    Our sta. recently instilled a "morale team". I recently dropped in on one of they're (over time getting) meetings and said that my moral sucks! They asked "What can you do to change that"? I answered "Top me out"!

    I've been with the Co. for almost 8 yrs. when will I and all my other <25 yr. CRRs top out?
     
  11. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    You have to admit the morale of those in the do nothing overtime meetings has improved quite a bit!
     
  12. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    Matt,

    First, thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to talk to us lowly hourly employees. It must be a horrible burden for you to speak to the great unwashed masses who toil in the FedEx salt mine.
    On to my question, and i hope its not too personal. Why after all these years can you not grow a proper mustache? Is it dirt? Is it hormonal?

    HH
     
  13. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Wow, what a great question!! Our research has consistently proved that employees need something to look forward to!! This is the basis for the very high morale we have at FedEx!! Remember, we have industry-leading pay and benefits!!

    XOXO,
    Matt
     
  14. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Hanna,

    It is very difficult for me to lower myself to your level, but I must, because I am an inspirational leader! And on my moustache, I have to admit to you that I suffer from low testosterone and possess a very tiny penis. It's also hard for me to grow hair...anywhere.

    You're #1!!
    Matt
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  15. Goldilocks

    Goldilocks Well-Known Member

    Dearest Matt, are we getting a raise this year? Oh by the way, thank you for the sack lunch you provided. I was so excited to get a sandwich, chips and a cookie, and perfect timing, right before SFA
     
  16. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Goldilocks,

    At FedEx, we are constantly evaluating your compensation to make sure you enjoy high pay and great benefits!! The sandwich, chips, and cookie were your raise this year!! Congratulations, and Bravo Zulu!! I am a terrific leader!!
    Your Bestest Buddy,
    MT3
     
  17. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    Dear Mteethree,
    Is there any truth to the rumor of couriers and csas having to pay for their own uniforms soon? Also, because the company run insurance business is so profitable, will there be plan to force car and home insurance on the employees too?
     
  18. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear DTP,

    Yes, yes, and yes!!! Because you are so overpaid considering our industry-leading wages and benefits, we think you should giveback to Fred. The new medical plan has been a great success!! The proof is that nobody is going to the doctor any more, so we have concluded that employee health is improving. Having you insure your car and home with FedEx will soon be a requirement for working at this greatest company ever. Car deductibles will start at $50,000 and home deductibles will start at $250,000, and your premiums will be very reasonable...just like our great medical plan!!

    I love FedEx, don't you? Well, bye, I've got to go check-out my new Gulfstream and I have a 12:00 with Dano for a colon treatment!

    Love you all!!
    Matt