Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalities

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Bagels, Nov 16, 2013.

  1. Bagels

    Bagels Family Leave Fridays!!!

    After many years of working with Drivers, I feel comfortable in sharing some observations. Patterns suggest we can group them into key groups. Of course, I'm not a psychologist, nor, do I play one on TV, however, having said that, here are my observations in no special order.

    The Bonus Center Guy – Known around UPS as a “runner/gunner,” this guy will instruct his helper not to use his seat belt, start moving the truck before the helper is seated & will be the only driver who welcomes the helper DIAD – so he can record while driving/idling without being caught, of course. When the helper has to use the bathroom, he will be provided a DR bag to poop in and some infonotices to wipe with. What the helper needs to understand is that he/she is only there to prevent the driver from earning excessive bonus, thus saving UPS money. In many instances, the only role of the helper will be to block the stack of packages placed within the cab from falling while the truck is in motion; the driver himself will run off (literally) every stop.

    The Bluetooth Guy – This guy will spend every single minute of every single day talking on his phone. It does not matter if it’s the Helper’s first day on the job – Bluetooth Guy will expect him to be completely proficient, and will decline opportunities to communicate so as not to interrupt his phone conversations. For example, Bluetooth Guy may drop his first-time helper off at a Walmart; the helper will spend several minutes searching for somebody to sign for the packages only to learn that certain packages such as pharmacy must be delivered directly and receiving cannot sign for these packages. When the frustrated helper approaches Bluetooth Guy for help, he will become angry.

    The Safety Guy – This guy will not speak with his helper, except to convey critical information, as it may cause a distraction; he will also require the passenger side door to be closed after every stop. He will ensure that his helper is proficiently following UPS safety methods, such as walking at a brisk pace while dangling an object such as keys and calling out “UPS, UPS” every step of the way. The first time a helper fails to use three points contact or walks in front of (instead of behind of) the truck, he will threaten to leave the helper behind at the nearest safest point (such as a McDonald’s) and call the center to pick him up. He will not care if it’s the helper’s first day on the job. Special Note: The Safety Guy often looks like Rick Moranis.

    Seasonal Guy – Same profile as the Bonus Center guy, but the Seasonal Guy isn’t doing it for the money, but instead because management has guaranteed him a full-time job after the Holiday season. He may be a temp employee, or an inside employee with one-year seniority, it does not matter. Topics of conversation often include how great he is.

    Midlife Crisis Guy – Like many (most?) UPS drivers, this guy’s having problems at home. He’s looking for a cute, blond haired, blue-eyed female helper about 5’, 80 lbs. and all of her body fat in her DD breasts. He dreams of pampering her while she sits in the truck and he does all the work. He will find fault in any other helper he receives, no matter how hard they work.

    The Whiny Guy – This guy’s going to whine about EVERYTHING. He’s been driving for UPS for 14 years and is still swing driving. He went out with 247 stops. He didn’t get home until 8PM last night. He’s delivering in an area he doesn’t want to. This job's killing his body. UPS doesn't care about his health. He shouldn’t have to take a 30 minute lunch. Consumers are always ordering stuff and are never home to sign for them. The Helper showed up at 11:56 for a 12 start, but he’s been waiting since 11:55. And guess what? That whining will extend to YOU, his helper, when his day doesn’t go right.

    The Urban Guy – The Urban Guy has only been driving for a few years, but he already has his own route because it’s in the roughest neighborhoods in the country. The Urban Guy likes the route, since he's comfortable in the area (after all, he grew up there) and it has less than a 100 stops. Generally one of the easier guys to work with, but hard to communicate over blaring rap station he refuses to turn down. If you have allergies be warned that he often brings flowers for all the ladies on his route during the last week of peak.

    Military Guy – The Military Guy is an all-work, no nonsense, my way-or-highway guy – don’t try to joke around with him! The Military Guy is very critical of every aspect of the helper, from his attire to his strides to his placement of Infonotices (the Military Guy usually places the Infonotices a few centimeters from where the Helper did… how in the world is the consumer ever going to find it?) The Military Guy often maintains his residence on his route so he can work-out during his lunch. He shares that home with his, um, male “best friend” of 18 years. Note: ALWAYS, and I repeat ALWAYS, make sure you show up 15-minutes before your start time or risk infururating the Military Guy. Just don't expect to get paid for those minutes!!

    The Labor Manager Guy – The Labor Manager Guy is your boss’s boss’s boss’s boss. He’s been tossed peddling packages either because a major snow storm wreaked havoc for your area, or because the seasonals just weren’t cutting it. He’s ticked because not only does he have to perform his day job, but now he has to do this. The Labor Manager Guy generally drives 50 MPH in a residential neighborhood, asks his helper to run & not wear his seat belt, sheets packages in low-density areas as “NSN”, etc. – anything to save time & get done. You know, all the stuff he generally fires people for.

    The BrownCafe Guy – The BrownCafe guy spends all year complaining about runners/gunners online, then demands a helper who runs. After all, if he’s in a bonus center, this will be the only time he’ll make bonus – and that makes up for the $15 turkeys UPS took away 4 years ago. The BrownCafe guy whines & complains that his helper isn’t fully trained for the job, and then belittles the helpers who take the initiative – on their own time – to register for the website to better learn their job. The BrownCafe guy posts online blasting any helper who doesn’t share the same interests as him. The BrownCafe guy sits on his butt and makes no effort to improve the experience of the helper. Two stops across the street from each other? The helper better run them off! At $32+/hour (not including benefits & OT), the BC guy believes he’s underpaid … but simultaneously believes the $8.50/hr is too much for his helper, even though that person may have spent a full hour’s pay just on gas to work.

    The Average Joe Guy –The Average Joe Guy welcomes helpers to take the edge of peak season. He has no preference in helpers, as he doesn’t expect the helper to work any harder than he usually does. He appreciates the opportunity to diverse himself, so he’s willing to engage in any conversation with his helper. He realizes the training habits are poor, so he does what he can to help the helper out. If there are two stops across the street from each other, he takes the time to peddle one off. At the end of the season, he tips his helper as a token of his appreciation.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2013
  2. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    You can't use the helper DIAD while engine is running. It will still show as record while idle. Silly but to maintain the metrics you have to make sure engine is off even if it slows you down.
     
  3. MassWineGuy

    MassWineGuy Active Member

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    How do you get to be a seasonal guy who is promised a permanent job after the season? I want that.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  4. PT Car Washer

    PT Car Washer Well-Known Member

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    Look like Rock Hudson.
     
  5. Returntosender

    Returntosender Well-Known Member

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    Where is the Upstate driver description?
     
  6. UPSER110

    UPSER110 Active Member

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    So happens when you drop your helper off to deliver a few stops in the meantime you drive down the street and deliver a few more then come back and pick him up/ or he meets you?? What is the helper supposed to do make sure that my truck is off before he sheets a package?
     
  7. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    Yes you can. The fact that it shows up on a meaningless report as a record while idling is, well, meaningless. I dont give a :censored2: about the metrics during the rest of the year, why should I start caring during peak?
     
  8. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    That is just an example of how silly some of the reports are.
     
  9. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    Good point.
     
  10. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalli

    Just do your jobs and dont worry about the reports. Focus on taking care of the stuff that matters, and let your management team worry about the stuff that doesnt.
     
  11. Cementups

    Cementups Box Monkey

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    Damn, I fall under none of these.
     
  12. Sleeve_meet_Heart

    Sleeve_meet_Heart making the unreadable unreadabler

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    According to the OP, all UPS drivers are men.
     
  13. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    You forgot my category: I Don't Give a :censored2::censored2::censored2::censored2::censored2: Guy : Does what the office tells him to do no matter how retarded the order is. Points and laughs at stops he is passing because his board tells him he will be back in 10 mins. Is friendly with his helper and customers because he really just doesn't give a :censored2::censored2::censored2::censored2::censored2:. Fun guy to be around and you will earn lots of money with him. Only consistent thing that happens in his day is lunch at 2:00PM.
     
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Like Like x 2
    • List
  14. bleedinbrown58

    bleedinbrown58 ahhh....the mouth breathers

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    Lmao.....awesome! Incidentally, that is probably the longest post i've ever seen from you.
     
  15. Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    I was thinking the same thing..................Somebody must have hacked into his computer!......lol
     
  16. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    And it didn't have to do with balls! Well this one did. Sorry old habits are hard to kick.
     
  17. bleedinbrown58

    bleedinbrown58 ahhh....the mouth breathers

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    You'd think he'd notice...what with all the pants dropping time he spends on it.....lol
     
  18. Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    HE IS probably looking at a different website!........lol
     
  19. bleedinbrown58

    bleedinbrown58 ahhh....the mouth breathers

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    You're probably right! I'm guessing ATM.com? lol
     
  20. scisector9

    scisector9 Active Member

    Re: Bagel's Primer 4 Helpers on Common Driver Psychological Haplotypes and Personalit

    You forgot the cover driver guy. " I am doing the best I can. Don't blame me. I'm only the stupid cover driver".