"CAN'T YOU READ?! THE NOTE SAID TO KNOCK SILENTLY!"

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Marne Vet, Jan 9, 2014.

  1. Marne Vet

    Marne Vet Well-Known Member

    Today was a great day. The one church I deliver to on my trip gave me a $20 Xmas tip, which was perfect timing since my Debit Card had to be cancelled due to the possibility that it was jacked when I used it at Target during December. Bank had a huge list of potential accounts that might've been compromised, and mine was one of them, so it was nice to get a tip on a day I couldn't tap Mac.

    Around 4 PM I was almost done delivering, even though I have a late p/u, sitting around for an hour and a half was gonna be sweet. I walked up to a row-home, knocked as loud as I could, and rang the bell. I hear someone inside starting to yell through the door, but too far away for me to understand what they were saying. Then I saw the note that had slid down the storm door and almost out of sight. It said "Bell is broke. Please knock silently. Don't bang on my door" WTF? "Knock silently"? How do you knock silently? That's called not knocking at all. ugh Now the lady comes to the door, boyfriend or husband right on her heels. Both of them start yelling at me. "Can't you read? The note said to knock silently!" I said "Ma'am, I didn't see the note before I knocked. It had..." (cuts me off) "I can see the note right there!" she yells as she's pointing down toward the bottom of the door. Now you can see the note when the door is open, and you're standing right above it, duh, but as I was trying to explain before she cut me off, was that you CAN'T see the note from outside and with the screen door closed until you step all the way to the top step, and look down and inside the freaking door! "Ma'am, you can't see that note from outside." This starts a debate with both of them. Neither of which want to step outside into the cold air and see for themselves, because they're standing above the note now, and obviously that's all that's important. Now the Macklemore looking reject decides to pipe-up. "You must be an idiot. The note said don't knock loud. You know what that means?!" Me, "Yes, it means don't knock at all. How do you knock silently? Pretend to knock and use telepathy?" I don't think either of them knew what telepathy was, and probably thought it was an old map reference. Next the woman says "Don't bang on my door again! Got it?" All I said was "Yes ma'am. Roger that. I won't knock on your door again", and the morons both in sync said "Good". I don't think they understood that I said I would not be knocking on their door ever again, and since the bell is broken, can pretty much guarantee any future deliveries will be getting post carded.

    Life is like a box of chocolates, and they're all stupid.
     
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  2. Dr.Brown

    Dr.Brown Swollen Member

    screw the notes.... I'm just a truck driver, you want your package, open the door and sign for it
     
  3. Marne Vet

    Marne Vet Well-Known Member

    Ah man, that just reminded me of one particular stop today in the Projects. Would've been a NI3 if she wasn't home, but unfortunately for me, she was. I knock and hear "Who is it?" I yell "U-P-S!" She says "Door's open! I can't get to the door. Open the door please!" OK, so I open the door and there she is, sitting on her Hoveround wheelchair in the middle of her little living room, all 400 lbs of her, and she says "My chair is broken. I can't get to the door. I haven't been able to move for a few days" No, really? I thought the smell of dead souls was something you were frying up on your George Foreman grill lady. It reeked like her lower extremities had burst with Montazuma's Revenge for the last three days. I saw a wet floor, and could only assume it was pee, or she dropped a juice-pack. I started gagging, but didn't want to embarrass her so I said "This damn cough, I better go before you catch it! Have a nice day!" ugh. If Sloth from Goonies had a sex change, lost most of his hair, and was sitting in a Hoveround today on my trip, then I totally blew an opportunity to get his autograph. C'est la vie.
     
  4. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    And in the wintertime the place is closed up tight keeping that warm, moist air in. Its one of those stops you have to hold your breath as your eyes burn and pray they hurry up and sign so you can get the F out of there.
     
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  5. jaker

    jaker trolling

    That was nice of you to stand there and take the yelling , me i would have turned around and walked away and sheeted refuse
     
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  6. Cementups

    Cementups Box Monkey


    This is one way I know you're from PA. Anytime I use the word MAC around here, people know what I mean. But other places, people have no idea what I'm talking about. One time I was in Phoenix and asked where the MAC machine was and got the biggest blank stare. I said, "you know, the machine that you put your card in to withdrawal cash from your bank account?!" He goes, "oh, you mean the ATM. It's over there."

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Marne Vet

    Marne Vet Well-Known Member

    You have to. As long as they're not threatening you, or you feel like it could turn to a physical confrontation, the best thing to do is just politely reply as courteously as possible, and take it. Sure, they're stupid people, but they're also customers and we have to service everyone regardless of low IQ's or missing chromosomes. :)
     
  8. Cementups

    Cementups Box Monkey

    Oh, and my inside thought to myself after they told you to NEVER KNOCK AGAIN would have been, "Ok, mother f*****, next time I'm gonna kick the sh1t out of that door." And I would, because that's not knocking. ;)
     
  9. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    We have the entire confrontation on satellite video. Care to reword your story?
     
  10. Marne Vet

    Marne Vet Well-Known Member

    You mean the little cameras on the DIAD actually work? haha oh snap!
     
  11. MR_Vengeance

    MR_Vengeance United Parcel Survivor

    you should say you did knock silently but no one answered.
     
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  12. Marne Vet

    Marne Vet Well-Known Member

    Oh, it'll be so silent I might have to come back three days in a row. Gotta make the customer happy!
     
  13. bumped

    bumped Well-Known Member

    You should have said that you were knocking silently. You can show them knocking loud.
     
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  14. Ouch

    Ouch Well-Known Member

    I delivered to a house one day the previous driver said "what ever you do don't knock or ring the bell" well I couldn't resist lol lol. I walk up and rang the bell and knocked. Out of no where I see this little poodle fly by tthe inside of the door, jump up and grab ahold of the curtain hanging in the front window. When it fell he jumped on the other curtain ripped it down, I figured out why I wasn't suppose to knock or ring the bell lmao. When I left their were no curtains hanging inside the front of that house, I don't know if the little guy did the back or not. I got outta there.
     
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  15. BigMoney

    BigMoney New Member

    I love the stories marine vet tells I am always laughing.
     
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  16. Brownslave688

    Brownslave688 You want a toe? I can get you a toe.

    Lol this reminds me of one of my most unpleasant stops ever. Apartment so I need a signature. Lady says give me a minute. Ok I wait and wait and wait for what seems like forever since this is an air package and I still have more to get off. Finally door opens.

    This lady had to be 500+ lbs. She had moved her king size bed and pushed it up against her L shaped sectional so she could just lay there 24/7 I assume. I'm pretty sure she couldn't remove her own t shirt because it looked like it was starting to rot away on her body. Holes all over this thing. I get a signature and am almost in the clear when a large hole in her shirt catches my eye. What is that you say? A nipple!!! The biggest damn nipple I've ever seen sitting about an inch above her belly button.

    Ok just thinking about it means I'm going to have night terrors all over again. So I hope you enjoyed.
     
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  17. bleedinbrown58

    bleedinbrown58 ahhh....the mouth breathers

    Was Honey Boo boo.home too??
     
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  18. bleedinbrown58

    bleedinbrown58 ahhh....the mouth breathers

    I've actually heard a nastier huge fat customer story, but yours is a close second....ewwww.
     
  19. Ouch

    Ouch Well-Known Member

    I use to go home and ask my wife to get naked so i could see what a great body looked like. She never really understood but always abliged.
     
  20. upschuck

    upschuck Avatar bet gone wrong

    But she is probably lonely and wants to invite you in for some "tea".