From The Chairman: Peak Strategy 2014

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Nov 20, 2014.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    Bravo Zulu!! And thanks for everything you do to deliver the Purple Promise!! Remember last year's Peak? Flawless, with 100% on-time delivery, providing each and every FedEx customer with an exceptional experience. We've had all year to make this Peak even better, so here are some of the exciting plans we have to share with you today!!

    1. We have contracted with Charles Schulz and the Peanuts trademark to create some really exciting motivational posters featuring Lucy, Charlie Brown, and yes, even Snoopy!

    2. We have created 100 new acronyms and 50 new reports that will tell us exactly what you are doing all the time. We'll take this information and the DRA Team will process it and implement new routing plans that will bring everyone to 150% of their current productivity levels. This is why we aren't hiring any temporary workers this year...we don't need them!

    3. Exciting motivational messages will fill your PowerPad screens every morning, so you can scroll through dozens before choosing your personal favorite to keep you at 150% all day long.

    4. Helpful reminders to deliver all of our important customers before 10:30!! We've discovered it helps to send out messages reminding you to deliver all Apple, Amazon, etc constantly, so you NEVER forget how important and precious each and every package is.

    5. Extended break hours. Since we occasionally experience bad weather this time of year, we are eliminating Code 43 and all waiting for aircraft or CTV time will be unpaid break time. We realize you need extra rest so you can deliver more packages!! You can't leave the building, but you can nap in your van or on the floor. Rent will be charged for floor space or van space you occupy. Only one courier per van please!!

    6. Posters of your upper management team will be prominently displayed in each station. MT3 is going to pose in front of his jet with a pallet of cash, Dave Bronczek is going to be sunning on his yacht, and I'll be posed in front of my fabulous collection of vintage aircraft. Our success will remind you that you can be where we are too!! You just have to work HARDER!!

    7. There's more coming in the next few weeks, but we've just opened our Bangladesh Call Center to better serve our customers!! Each contract employee has received 1 hour of training and can speak at least 3 words of English. Our customers will be delighted.

    Got to go. Mitch McConnell is having me over tonight to strategize!!

    FedEx Cares!!

    Your Loving Leader,
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  2. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    Thanks Fred.
    You are the best!!
    I can't wait to spend 100 hours a week at Fedex this peak while only getting paid for 40.My family really appreciates it!
  3. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    I especially agree with paragraph 6. So many people just can't grasp the rewards of hard work. Iron workers, construction, guys who lay tar on rooftops during a Florida summer, Lumberjacks. These are all careers that require no hard work. Its no wonder employees from these professions don't have at least one 30 million dollar yacht to dock in Monaco. No! Hard work is asking your father for a few million and open your own business. And if that business fails, go work for your dad. Hard work and wealth go hand in hand.
  4. SuperHandler

    SuperHandler Member

    Sending my hitman to this traitor's house. He must die. Fred Smith is the greatest leader of all time.

    Attached Files:

  5. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Who is that on your avatar...MT3's alter ego?
  6. SuperHandler

    SuperHandler Member

    Yes, after one too many glasses of expensive champagne.
  7. prplxpress

    prplxpress New Member


  8. SmithBarney

    SmithBarney Well-Known Member

    I like that our MGR said we are going to stick with the same plan as last year...uh it was a royal cluster-f.... good idea, I like that plan, lets do it again!
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  9. Route 66

    Route 66 Throbbing Member

    You know what they say about the definition of insanity.....
  10. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    They still think the plan was sound and It was the drivers and agents who screwed it up.
  11. Operational needs

    Operational needs Well-Known Member

    Extra bodies, trucks and donuts at my station this morning.
  12. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    At my station, the extra trucks stick around but the extra bodies and donuts don't last very long.
  13. Operational needs

    Operational needs Well-Known Member

    The bodies and trucks will last at my station but any food is inhaled faster than you can blink. Lol.

    Still waiting to see the temps they talked about.
  14. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    As far as I'm concerned, everyone we've hired in the last 2 months is a temp.
  15. dezguy

    dezguy Well-Known Member

    My managers plan is to work the pt's as much as he can. I've been telling them, take what you want, not what they tell you they want. If it were up to them, pters would be working 80 work weeks.
  16. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    "Sorry but I have to go to my other job at 2:00." :cool-very:
  17. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    I just heard today that we hired a guy two weeks ago who quit 4 hrs. later. Seems like the new norm.
  18. dezguy

    dezguy Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't even give them that. Just say no.
  19. Route 66

    Route 66 Throbbing Member

    soon guys like that will be considered "senior employees".
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  20. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    I wonder how much money Fred loses on each employee like this one? Courier class is only 3 days, and it's for 2 reasons:

    1. Almost everyone who gets hired quits..quickly.

    2. FedEx has a desperate need to get additional couriers on the road because there won't be enough people to deliver Fred's late and rotting packages this Peak.

    Anyone else see a logical disconnect? You have to love how badly this company is run and how stupid their decisions really are. Like they say, you can't make this shat up.

    I'm expecting even more stupidity from the Memphis morons, especially as the Peak noose tightens up.