Full time and Divorce

[UPSER110]

For the past year or so my wife and I have been having alot of issues and divorce has been brought up several times. It really got me thinking. We got married when I was part time. At that time I was del. sat air and working mowing grass during the day. She is an RN working 12hr shifts 3 days a week. So we were both working alot.

A couple of years go by and I go full time. Shes on my insurance and finds out she can go "part time" while getting an $8hr raise for dropping her insurance and paid time off. She starts to see how much money I am bringing in and looks for a new "part time" job at the hospital so now she basically picks her own schedule and works 3-4 8hr shifts.

For some reason is has bothered me that I work 50+ hrs a week and she only works 24-32. (I worked 1000 hours more than her last year) I feel that her share around the house is slacking and I never get to relax because of things that need to do around the house. Mind you we have no kids.

What it comes down to is that she will never understand what UPSers go through. The hours, weather, crazy drivers, physical labor, and the mental struggle can take a toll on a person and marriage.

 

[SaladTosser]

I just started driving and I'm already feeling the mental toll. Hopefully it gets better

 

[upschuck]

Best of luck to you guys, hope you figure something out.

 

[Operational needs]

For the past year or so my wife and I have been having alot of issues and divorce has been brought up several times. It really got me thinking. We got married when I was part time. At that time I was del. sat air and working mowing grass during the day. She is an RN working 12hr shifts 3 days a week. So we were both working alot.

A couple of years go by and I go full time. Shes on my insurance and finds out she can go "part time" while getting an $8hr raise for dropping her insurance and paid time off. She starts to see how much money I am bringing in and looks for a new "part time" job at the hospital so now she basically picks her own schedule and works 3-4 8hr shifts.

For some reason is has bothered me that I work 50+ hrs a week and she only works 24-32. (I worked 1000 hours more than her last year) I feel that her share around the house is slacking and I never get to relax because of things that need to do around the house. Mind you we have no kids.

What it comes down to is that she will never understand what UPSers go through. The hours, weather, crazy drivers, physical labor, and the mental struggle can take a toll on a person and marriage.

Have you ever thought of counseling? An objective person who can assess the situation and help you both better understand each other's feelings. Sometimes people are so set in their way of thinking that they close their minds to opposing views. Sure couldn't hurt. Definitely best to do something before you involve kids.

 

[oldupsman]

For the past year or so my wife and I have been having alot of issues and divorce has been brought up several times. It really got me thinking. We got married when I was part time. At that time I was del. sat air and working mowing grass during the day. She is an RN working 12hr shifts 3 days a week. So we were both working alot.

A couple of years go by and I go full time. Shes on my insurance and finds out she can go "part time" while getting an $8hr raise for dropping her insurance and paid time off. She starts to see how much money I am bringing in and looks for a new "part time" job at the hospital so now she basically picks her own schedule and works 3-4 8hr shifts.

For some reason is has bothered me that I work 50+ hrs a week and she only works 24-32. (I worked 1000 hours more than her last year) I feel that her share around the house is slacking and I never get to relax because of things that need to do around the house. Mind you we have no kids.

What it comes down to is that she will never understand what UPSers go through. The hours, weather, crazy drivers, physical labor, and the mental struggle can take a toll on a person and marriage.

If I may offer a small piece of advice. Don't let this go. Sit down and tell her how you feel right now.
Before the debt starts, before you have children. I have had a great marriage and long time UPS career.
Because she got it from day 1. My job came first and she never had a problem with that. She knew it was the
financial basis for everything we had in life.

I never once came home and heard any grief about my hours. And I never asked to be waited on. She would have cooked
me dinner at 10 o'clock at night if I had asked. But I felt that wasn't fair to her. She took care of the house and
phone calls all day. You need to get on the same page about this right now. Because your job isn't going to change.

 

[trickpony1]

Everyone thinks RN's sit around the nurse's station talking and eating pizza all shift long.

Nursing can take a mental (stress) as well as a physical toll.

You say she went from 12's to 8's and is only working 3-4 shifts a week? 12's are tough.....especially the 7P to 7A.

If she's only working 8's and 3 or 4 of those, she should be able to help around the house and support her husband's household needs.

I'm guessing she makes a wage similar to ours? Is she "per diem" now?

 

[UPSER110]

Have you ever thought of counseling? An objective person who can assess the situation and help you both better understand each other's feelings. Sometimes people are so set in their way of thinking that they close their minds to opposing views. Sure couldn't hurt. Definitely best to do something before you involve kids.

We have considered it but both agreed counseling wouldnt help. We do communicate really so that was a plus.

 

[UPSER110]

If I may offer a small piece of advice. Don't let this go. Sit down and tell her how you feel right now.
Before the debt starts, before you have children. I have had a great marriage and long time UPS career.
Because she got it from day 1. My job came first and she never had a problem with that. She knew it was the
financial basis for everything we had in life.

I never once came home and heard any grief about my hours. And I never asked to be waited on. She would have cooked
me dinner at 10 o'clock at night if I had asked. But I felt that wasn't fair to her. She took care of the house and
phone calls all day. You need to get on the same page about this right now. Because your job isn't going to change.

We have talked I feel like it my job was ok with her. I just dont do anything during the week. Shes goes out shopping and to eat with friends and I come home make dinner and go to bed. When the weekend comes all I can think about is house work and yard work that needs to be done.

 

[UPSER110]

Everyone thinks RN's sit around the nurse's station talking and eating pizza all shift long.

Nursing can take a mental (stress) as well as a physical toll.

You say she went from 12's to 8's and is only working 3-4 shifts a week? 12's are tough.....especially the 7P to 7A.

If she's only working 8's and 3 or 4 of those, she should be able to help around the house and support her husband's household needs.

I'm guessing she makes a wage similar to ours? Is she "per diem" now?

I agree nursing is not easy I used to hear the stories. She worked on a cancer floor then spent over a year in the ER. no doubt 12 are tough, I had alot more understanding and respect for her. Now she sits in an office calling people before they come in to surgery. I'm not at top rate only a little over $24/hr but she is making $4/hr more than me.

 

[rod]

When you say you do a lot around the house does that involve cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and a hundred other things it takes to run a house or do you do that stuff also? Are you saying she sits on the couch all day eating bon bons and watching Oprah? Who knows-maybe she does otherwise it sounds to me like she would be better off without you.

 

[retiredTxfeeder]

My wife and I were in the same position as the OP, basically. It never got down to where we counted our hours to see if one was working harder than the other. She has an office job, and I worked this job for 38 years. Now the tables have turned. I'm retired and home all day and she still works. I'm the house husband. I do clothes, shop for groceries and cook 3-4 times a week. Our kids are 29 and 27 and my daughter is also an RN and she works as many hours as she wants. It works for us. Got to adapt. The only one who wins in a divorce is the lawyer. Good luck to you.

 

[rod]

Have you ever thought of counseling? An objective person who can assess the situation and help you both better understand each other's feelings. Sometimes people are so set in their way of thinking that they close their minds to opposing views. Sure couldn't hurt. Definitely best to do something before you involve kids.

My wife and I went to counseling at my wife insistence way back when we were having some troubles with our teenagers who were in turn causing us to fight over the way we were trying to handle it. The counseling suddenly came to a screeching halt when the counselor sided with me. Na na na na na na

 

[UPSER110]

When you say you do a lot around the house does that involve cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and a hundred other things it takes to run a house or do you do that stuff also? Are you saying she sits on the couch all day eating bon bons and watching Oprah? Who knows-maybe she does otherwise it sounds to me like she would be better off without you.

She hardly cooks, and I knew that when we got married, but I enjoy cooking its just hard to do getting home from work after 8. We both clean, I am way more anal about it than her, and most of the time we grocery shop together. I take care of the cars, yard, do most all of my laundry. Its hard coming home from work and she is sitting on the couch and doesn't even acknowledge me walking in the door. We have a dog and most of the time I think to myself just run the vacuum and clean up the dog hair.

 

[trickpony1]

Perhaps the OP could pay the neighborhood kid to do the yard work every other week and pay a trusted friend to clean the house every two weeks if the wife's job is truly that stressful which it doesn't look like it is.

 

[rod]

She hardly cooks, and I knew that when we got married, but I enjoy cooking its just hard to do getting home from work after 8. We both clean, I am way more anal about it than her, and most of the time we grocery shop together. I take care of the cars, yard, do most all of my laundry. Its hard coming home from work and she is sitting on the couch and doesn't even acknowledge me walking in the door. We have a dog and most of the time I think to myself just run the vacuum and clean up the dog hair.

That don't sound like any kind of a life to me. As long as there aren't any kids involved I would say "Run---run Forest run" (See a lawyer-----a good one)!

 

[trickpony1]

Let me guess........
Did the OP put his wife through school?

 

[UPSER110]

That don't sound like any kind of a life to me. As long as there aren't any kids involved I would say "Run---run Forest run" (See a lawyer-----a good one)!

HA I have no life right now. Ill go out and get a few cold ones on a saturday night but other than that I dont do much.

 

[UPSER110]

Let me guess........
Did the OP put his wife through school?

No, I was part time. she had scholarships and the hospital paid most of the student loans she had.

 

[UPSER110]

Perhaps the OP could pay the neighborhood kid to do the yard work every other week and pay a trusted friend to clean the house every two weeks if the wife's job is truly that stressful which it doesn't look like it is.

Yeah I have a hard time paying anyone to do work I (we) are fully capable of doing.

 

[trickpony1]

Wait until Upstate goes home for lunch or home in the evening.

He WAS married to a RN.

He'll give you more insight than you could imagine.