full time driver how to go mental disability due to maritial separation?
- Thread starter onehandsolo
- Start date
balland chain
Well-Known Member
Yeah Mental disability ( getting a govt check) first takes a Doctor giving you an exam and sending you to a Psychiatrist to deem you Mentally disabled.. Then you will need to apply to Social Security for the benefit (usually denied) at least three times (usually every time denied) then get an attorney that specializes in getting social security benefits.. That can take at least one year if not two...We all know UPS does not give a crap about us, so I would take a personal holiday or vacation day and go see your Doctor.. Explain the situation, take with you the FMLA packet available under MYLIFE on upsers.com.. If the doctor feels it may be necessary for you to have a day here and there to collect yourself, then they will fill out the papers.. Fax them to the number provided on the paperwork.. It will take a few weeks to get processed.. If approved, take a day when you need it... I do agree that keeping yourself busy during this very difficult time is the best, but on the other hand I also know that sometimes life get overwhelming, especially with your situation.. I would do that to protect yourself and your job.. I know my center manager would just make thing worse for me, ( his comment during a meeting " I don't care about your personal problems) maybe your center manager is different. You can tell him of your situation, and that you are applying for FMLA because of personal reasons (dont tell him anything about your "mental" wellness or lack thereof. ) That is what I would do.. I apply for FMLA every year, just incase it is needed for myself. I would suggest any UPSer who has a bully of a center manager or Sup to apply for this just incase.. If they are harassing you, for any reason, take a FMLA day... You call the FMLA number, give them your case number, they ask how many hours you will be out, if full time you tell them 8, they say ok thank you.. You then call your center and tell them you are taking a FMLA day.. There is nothing they can do.. My center manager put me thru the ringer trying to get me to loose my temper, and threatening to fire me on the spot. I was granted FMLA so on a friday with 7 people out of work, personals and vacation I called in, they had to get a contract carrier in July to pull my loads.. Anyway, do it to protect your job, and also as suggested in another post, get an Attorney (a good one !) Sorry for what your going thru, divorce rates are very high for us.. In the future if you meet a nice lady, just live with her.. Don't get remarried, it is just not worth it..
It would be the easy way, to lay down and drown. You cannot change it so learn to handle it. I know it is devastating. I always used work as my therapy. When the world is crumbling in on you, it is the one thing, you can control, and for that many hours a day, you wont have time to think of anything but. And every hour further from the initial pain, is one hour closer to a new beginning.
Some very good advice on here. Going on disability, if you could, would likely bankrupt you.
Doing well is the best revenge.
Some very good advice on here. Going on disability, if you could, would likely bankrupt you.
Doing well is the best revenge.
balland chain
Well-Known Member
Something I forgot to include in my rambling post.. When you go see your doctor, tell him/her you are having panic attacks and severe anxiety due to this situation..
oldngray
nowhere special
My wife died ( I came home from work to find her there ) and I was seriously messed up for a while. I didn't try to get any kind of disability money but I had to take some unpaid time off. My management team then were good and didn't hassle me about it but there was no way I would have been able to keep my mind on the job as I was driving then.
HEFFERNAN
Huge Member
I was in that same boat and your mind is just blown with memories and heartbreak.
I was lucky to come back after Thanksgiving and be able to chat with my helper which got my mind off life for awhile.
To the OP, Death and divorce are handled differently by everyone and I think if you talked to your management people and steward/ business agent, I'm sure they will give you some time to clear your head. If not you can always get a doctor's note, but it would be unpaid time off, which under the circumstances, is the least on your mind.
This is not the end of the world. A few months back my wife also wanted a Divorce from me went as far a having me served in the parking lot at work. After she paid her lawyer over $3000 and I went and paid my lawyer she changed her mind.
If she really wants a Divorce see if you two can work out a separation agreement without a lawyer. Since she want out she might be willing to agree on terms that are more beneficial to you. How ever you should at least go talk to a Lawyer and see where you stand if she goes the route of serving you papers.
You also need to get her off your bank account if she is on it. It might be easier to just open another one in your name of and have your check go there. Also if she is on any of your Credit cards Close them. If your putting money into a 401K stop or lower it to 1% until everything is figured out. If you are paying any household bills continue to pay them, she want's out not you so take the high ground and hold your head up.
Everything will work out in the end and I know it's hard to say but probably for the better.
If you need to vent your Brother and Sister on BC are here to listen...
Last edited:
bleedinbrown58
That’s Craptacular
My condolences to both of you guys....that is a terribly sad, difficult situation. Glad you're both doing alright.
quamba 638
Well-Known Member
I was waiting for someone to call that out.
Overpaid Union Thug
Well-Known Member
Some seem to be more inclined to make disheartening comments about "manning up."
Dave means well he just speaks before he thinks sometimes. I do agree he could have used different word to covey his message....
bleedinbrown58
That’s Craptacular
Dave was coming from a place of personal experience, so I don't feel it was inappropriate. While I didn't agree with everything he said...he had every right to say it.
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
No, I said exactly what I wanted to say. He needs to put the big boy pants on and go to work. It will help him get his mind off of his personal life, if only for a few (10) hours a day.
My son had a very close friend commit suicide on his way home from the junior prom. He was devastated and rightfully so. My ex and I spoke about this and agreed that he would need a few days to himself before getting back in to his routine. Well, the few days turned in to two weeks and finally I decided that he needed to get on with his life. At the time he was working at McDonald's and was all set to call in sick (again) when I called him and told him that I would be there to pick him up 15 minutes before his shift and that he had best be dressed for work and ready to go when I got there. He was pissed but he did as I asked and when I went to pick him up after he thanked me for my "tough love".
Divorce sucks. I was also served with my papers at work. Life goes on.
Loyal Teamster
Well-Known Member
UPS has a high divorce rate.
While i was a driver helper in December, my driver was in the moving out stage. She seemed distracted while working. Sometimes she'd cry.
This will be a tough year for you. I recommend speaking with a therapist for a year. The Divorce process is a very stressful & mentally draining process. Add that to the high stress work environment, its not a good combination for your health.
Your best choice is visiting a psychologist first. Don't drink it up like most UPS'ers.
Goodluck.
Thanks,
Loyal Teamster
Well, were that the case, he should go over to HER best friends house and return the favor.
THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!!!
From the male mentality, guys always treat guys with tough love. But whether you are male or female, its a tough thing. How we show it how we handle it can be different. The experts say divorce is kind of like a death, although my condolences to the two who lost their wives suddenly, and any others, my deepest condolences. I don't see it the same, although it is equally devastating. One spouse makes a choice, the other died and didn't choose to.
First thing you have to do is get out of the rut a marriage puts you in. Which I am not saying is a bad thing.
Pack up for a weekend to go visit an old friend.
If your routine is to go home, grab a beer and chat with the spouse over dinner, go to they gym after work. Go to a man store and start a project you have always wanted to try. Your time is yours now.
If weekends were lawn mowing and yard work, do it at night, leave your weekend for self exploration. Go hiking, go to races, sports games, etc.
I wish you the best, I know how tough it is, I got dumped twice. The beauty of this, is you have a job, so you don't have to worry about income. Trust me, that makes a world of difference.
First thing you have to do is get out of the rut a marriage puts you in. Which I am not saying is a bad thing.
Pack up for a weekend to go visit an old friend.
If your routine is to go home, grab a beer and chat with the spouse over dinner, go to they gym after work. Go to a man store and start a project you have always wanted to try. Your time is yours now.
If weekends were lawn mowing and yard work, do it at night, leave your weekend for self exploration. Go hiking, go to races, sports games, etc.
I wish you the best, I know how tough it is, I got dumped twice. The beauty of this, is you have a job, so you don't have to worry about income. Trust me, that makes a world of difference.
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