onehandsolo
Well-Known Member
Thank you guys it sucks. I am of this week should be ok for the following week. Thank God for my siblings.
full time driver how to go mental disability due to maritial separation?
- Thread starter onehandsolo
- Start date
BSWALKS
Fugitive From Reality
And send the ex the video!
bleedinbrown58
That’s Craptacular
Hang in there, man.
I'm a combat veteran with two tour to Iraq. When I came back the second time I didn't know is it I had some issues. Tried the physical/mental disability because I could not even leave the bed, and I'm telling you, they're going to give a hard time. Don't fight their mental game (UPS or government benefits). Find a good therapist, one-one and group sessions. My story is totally different from yours, yours a divorce, mine was bombs, bullets and dead. Try to cope going to the therapist, take a day off and go to the sessions and when working think your job is a winning game that at the end of the day you're the winner. Do you have vacations days? Its time to use them, screw UPS. Don't loose your pay and benefits for something that in a few months is gone. Is hard but you can do it. Good luck.
BSWALKS
Fugitive From Reality
To the op, I'm sorry man, it sounds like you were blind sided. That's rough. You've gotten some great advice. Particularly ballandchain. She always seems to have some great information that is helpful.
If my responses to some replies here was hurtful, I apologize. They were not meant to be. I simply have no good advice for you as far as how to get time off to get your head straight.
Good luck to you sir.
If my responses to some replies here was hurtful, I apologize. They were not meant to be. I simply have no good advice for you as far as how to get time off to get your head straight.
Good luck to you sir.
Lots of good advice about divorce from the guys on here. Just remember TIME DOES HEAL so you just have to ride it out AND MOVE FORWARD.
Hopefully she will be fair
in the divorce settlement but if not MAKE SURE YOU GET A GOOD LAWYER WHO WILL GO TO BATTLE FOR YOU if needed.
In a perfect world she has a great job and pension/401k like you? That will make the money issues easier to settle. I am guessing she has a job.
If you have kids? Get shared50/50 legal and physical custody IF AT ALL POSSIBLE because child support can be a huge ripoff for the noncustodial parent. JUDGES THESE DAYS TREAT DADS MUCH BETTER.
There are some killer websites for divorced men with a ton of info that will help you. Try a google search.
If you can convince your wife to work out the terms of your divorce decree on your own instead of letting the lawyers run up huge fees(thats their game) YOU GUYS WILL SAVE THOUSANDS IN LEGAL FEES.
The lawyers will then write up your agreement and the judge will sign off. Its worth a shot.
This is now a business transaction so protect yourself and DO NOT LEAVE ANY FINANCIAL LOOSE ENDS like a car loan or credit cards or home loans etc. that will come back to bite you.
Hopefully she will be fair
in the divorce settlement but if not MAKE SURE YOU GET A GOOD LAWYER WHO WILL GO TO BATTLE FOR YOU if needed. In a perfect world she has a great job and pension/401k like you? That will make the money issues easier to settle. I am guessing she has a job.
If you have kids? Get shared50/50 legal and physical custody IF AT ALL POSSIBLE because child support can be a huge ripoff for the noncustodial parent. JUDGES THESE DAYS TREAT DADS MUCH BETTER.
There are some killer websites for divorced men with a ton of info that will help you. Try a google search.
If you can convince your wife to work out the terms of your divorce decree on your own instead of letting the lawyers run up huge fees(thats their game) YOU GUYS WILL SAVE THOUSANDS IN LEGAL FEES.
The lawyers will then write up your agreement and the judge will sign off. Its worth a shot.
This is now a business transaction so protect yourself and DO NOT LEAVE ANY FINANCIAL LOOSE ENDS like a car loan or credit cards or home loans etc. that will come back to bite you.
Lots of good advice about divorce from the guys on here. Just remember TIME DOES HEAL so you just have to ride it out AND MOVE FORWARD.
Hopefully she will be fair
In a perfect world she has a great job and pension/401k like you? That will make the money issues easier to settle. I am guessing she has a job.
If you have kids? Get shared50/50 legal and physical custody IF AT ALL POSSIBLE because child support can be a huge ripoff for the noncustodial parent. JUDGES THESE DAYS TREAT DADS MUCH BETTER.
There are some killer websites for divorced men with a ton of info that will help you. Try a google search.
If you can convince your wife to work out the terms of your divorce decree on your own instead of letting the lawyers run up huge fees(thats their game) YOU GUYS WILL SAVE THOUSANDS IN LEGAL FEES.
The lawyers will then write up your agreement and the judge will sign off. Its worth a shot.
This is now a business transaction so protect yourself and DO NOT LEAVE ANY FINANCIAL LOOSE ENDS like a car loan or credit cards or home loans etc. that will come back to bite you.
If you know it over tell her you'll agree to a divorce so your both won't need lawyers if she agrees to your terms (ie she gives up any right to your pension or 401K) depending on the state you live in she might be able to stay on your health insurance if so throw her that bone with the understanding if there are any copays she pays for her's and when she get remarried she off.
Like I said before you do anything should consult with a attorney so you know what you can and can't agree to even if you and her plan on agreeing to a separation without the lawyers involved. You don't need a lawyer if the Divorce is uncontested and you both agree on things. All you have to do if fill out some paper at court to get a court day then before that date write out the separation agreement The Judge will look it over and agree to it. In most state the divorce will not be finalized until a couple of months after the judge rules.
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
ups guy, nothing personal but that is terrible advice. First off, the 401k and pension are a shared asset---she is entitled to 1/2 of the 401k and 2% of the pension for each year that they were while he worked at UPS up to 50%. Second, please name one insurance company that will allow here to stay on the policy when the divorce is finalized.
The only good advice was to try to work the division of property themselves. Mediators can be quite helpful.
The only good advice was to try to work the division of property themselves. Mediators can be quite helpful.
On the first page, you said that's how it is in New York, yet you seem to know that it's the same all across the country? Also, maybe if she's not SUCH a greedy person she might not take his 401/retirement if she doesn't need it. We don't know the ins/outs of their relationship and finances. A driver I'm buddies with reached a deal with his ex to give her X amount of dollars over a several year period if she agreed not to go after a cent of his pension
Big Babooba
Well-Known Member
Anonymous 10
Guest
You are going to be ok. Stay close to your family and talk about it.
ajblakejr
Age quod agis
Stop the train and everyone step back.
We have available to us 6 visits with a mental health professional in our EAP (Employee Assistance Program)
There are other resources available in EAP which can assist a family in transition.
This items are confidential and UPS in not privy to any services we seek out for any reason.
Like BB said in post above, seek professional advice and discount the opinions in this thread.
Starting a thread, like this, is acknowledging you recognize you need help.
This is a step in healing.
We have available to us 6 visits with a mental health professional in our EAP (Employee Assistance Program)
There are other resources available in EAP which can assist a family in transition.
This items are confidential and UPS in not privy to any services we seek out for any reason.
Like BB said in post above, seek professional advice and discount the opinions in this thread.
Starting a thread, like this, is acknowledging you recognize you need help.
This is a step in healing.
And I am glad he did. His regular insurance will cover some visits, no need to set EAP in place. JMHO
To me, once you contact EAP, you are in trouble. Once again, jmho. And I no longer, if ever expect privacy in matters personal. Once you go into EAP, I feel you may be monitored.....................
oldngray
nowhere special
I feel the same way. I would be afraid of a target on my back if I contacted EAP. Not supposed to happen but a lack of trust on my part.
Retirement accounts and pensions are completely negotiable between the divorcing couple if they choose to go that route.
Seems like atleast half of the guys I work with have wives that make almost as much or more than they do.
The thing is ONCE YOU GET LAWYERS INVOLVED IN THE SETTLEMENT PROCESS TEMPERS WILL RISE AND THE LEGAL FEES= THOUSANDS MORE.
Its worth a shot to try and work out as much as possible before letting a lawyer steal your wallet. LAWYERS DONT EVEN WANT COUPLES TO TALK TO EACH OTHER SO THEY CAN GET BIGGER FEES.
You will still have a lawyer draft your final divorce decree in the end.
trickpony1
Well-Known Member
I would stay as far away from EAP as I could get.
Do you truly think the company is gonna pay for this and not want the details of what they are paying for?
I think the EAP is just a token gesture to show the world how much the company supposedly cares about its employees.
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's impossible to get it back in.
Do you truly think the company is gonna pay for this and not want the details of what they are paying for?
I think the EAP is just a token gesture to show the world how much the company supposedly cares about its employees.
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's impossible to get it back in.
ajblakejr
Age quod agis
I used the EAP benefit when I was DX'd with Multiple Sclerosis. Those words destroyed me, "...you have MS."
I was so afraid it would get out that I kept a diary with the names of those I told. I thought the doctor's were crazy and misdiagnosed me.
I contacted EAP when suicide seemed like a viable option to an uncertain future like I was facing.
I am sorry so many people feel a serious distrust in EAP.
This program can make a different in your life and it is not all about mental health issues.
After pointing a few coworkers in this direction and my own experience.
oldngray
nowhere special
I just heard my sister was just diagnosed with late onset MS ( after age 50) and she is really upset about it.
She is on on IV solumedrol for the next 3 days.
iruhnman630
Well-Known Member
It is a big leap from taking a few much needed days off to claiming disability for mental health issues.
The short-term days off are very much a safety issue if your emotional state might lead you to an accident or injury. That is no joke. But disability requires an actual illness, and a devastated broken heart is not an illness.
The short-term days off are very much a safety issue if your emotional state might lead you to an accident or injury. That is no joke. But disability requires an actual illness, and a devastated broken heart is not an illness.
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