Funny answers to frequently asked questions

[Anonymous 10]

Why didn't you back down my driveway? Don't ask It's a long story

 

[hurricanegunner]

Q: How late do you guys work?
A: Late enough to see you turn out your lights when you go to bed.

Q. Are you the same as the post office?
A: Yes. The people who think our trucks are painted differently are color blind.

Q: Are your trucks air conditioned?
A: Yes. I'm wet like this because I just took a dip in your pool.

Q: Hot enough fer ya?
A: No.

 

[hurricanegunner]

Q: Did you hear that UPS and FedEx are going to merge?
A: Fed-Up.
Q: Oh, did you hear that one before?
A: No, I just made it up.

 

[Anonymous 10]

What is it??? It's those three inch condoms you've been waiting for.

 

[Just Lurking]

I don't know Ma'am but it was vibrating earlier.

 

[Re-Raise]

My dog doesn't bite.

He doesn't bite YOU

 

[old levi's]

What is it?


Glance at the return address and say " I don't know, but it's from Porn-Master."


awkward silence.............

 

[old levi's]

My dog doesn't bite.

"Well, this must not be your dog cause he just bit the crap outta me."

 

[Anonymous 10]

"Well, this must not be your dog cause he just bit the crap outta me."

He's never done that before

 

[Anonymous 10]

Where is Jeff? He bid off this route like 5 years ago.

 

[bigbrownhen]

Elderly lady walks up to my truck and hands me her outgoing mail. I just explained that Im UPS not the post office and I cant take them.

 

[bigbrownhen]

Happened today: Customer meeting me at my last pickup to sign for a sig required pkg. He walks in just as Im getting to the door with a load of pkgs on the two wheeler. "Are you the driver?" I almost said "no".....but he didn't seem to be in a mood for a smart mouth. Probably would have had a complaint filed for that one.

 

[Re-Raise]

Elderly lady walks up to my truck and hands me her outgoing mail. I just explained that Im UPS not the post office and I cant take them.

Sorry that would be for the junior varsity

 

[Re-Raise]

Q How do those trucks get around in the snow?

A a deep sigh and head shake

 

[terrymac]

Wheres the regular driver? oh, hes on vaccation this week, said something about a gay rodeo in texas somewhere..........

 

[moreluck]

Wheres the regular driver? oh, hes on vaccation this week, said something about a gay rodeo in texas somewhere..........

Good to 'see' you again, long time, no post!!

 

[xkingx]

Q. elderly friend of family.How come you drivers never wait for us to come to the door?
A. do you realize how long it took you just to ask that question imagine if we waited for 200 people to come to their door, we would never finish in ten hours.

Q. do i need to sign
A. yes, ill be right back. wait for me

Q. in elevator. yall even have to wear ups socks?
A. yuppers u should see the underwear and bras they make us wear

knocking on a apt door in sec 8 area waiting for a sig.
guy comes to door as i slap the deliv notice on door.
i reply dang you act like you live in a mansion as long as it took you

oh and the worst need siggy guy comes to door in boxers then starts scratching his nuts. as he reaches for my stylus i say thats ok ill sign no need for ball juice..he giggles and apologizes..gross!!

 

[YouKnowWhoIam]

Q: I know it came C.O.D., can you just leave it and Ill get you the money order tomorrow?
A: Do I really need to answer you???

 

[barnyard]

Wheres the regular driver? oh, hes on vaccation this week, said something about a gay rodeo in texas somewhere..........

Someone asked about the regular guy and I said, "He is a rodeo clown."

Honest to doG, I had no idea that there was a gay rodeo that weekend less than 30 minutes from here.

 

[barnyard]

Q: I know it came C.O.D., can you just leave it and Ill get you the money order tomorrow?
A: Do I really need to answer you???

Do you take out of state, post dated, 2nd party checks.

Me: of course.