Funny Gripe Sheet

Discussion in 'Lighten UPS' started by p1000, May 4, 2007.

  1. p1000

    p1000 Free at Last

    I had a friend of mine sent me this since he knew I worked for UPS. Thougt I would share it with you.

    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.




    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last................ ..

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
     
  2. rod

    rod retired and happy

    thats funny
     
  3. Pip

    Pip New Member

    That was a good read, thanks for the laugh.:thumbup1:
     
  4. EAM_Master

    EAM_Master Part-Time'er for Life!

    I bet if we tried something like that on the DVIR we'd get written up.
     
  5. SmithBarney

    SmithBarney Well-Known Member

    I did it on my high step P1000 with no powersteering... ;)

    P:Powersteering not working....
    S:Powersteering not installed...
     
  6. Pip

    Pip New Member

    EAM_Master, oh it does happen, I have gotten some wierd writeups in the past. Not sure about the bigger centers, but I'm in a smaller center, 84 cars. I think things are a little more relaxed then in the big hubs. I have a good relationship with most of the drivers, we do joke around. But when things need fixed they are good at communicating the problem, and I try to deal with their problems accordingly.
     
  7. Cementups

    Cementups Box Monkey

    I was going to completely ignore this post and not read but I took a few minutes out of my life and invested the time.............I am truely glad I did. My gut hurts sooooo bad from laughing at some of those.

    As for writing stuff up, I would wrte up in the inter that my heated seats were not functioning properly in my Sprinter. I was informed that they were not equipped.
     
  8. UPSwannaB

    UPSwannaB not yet worthy

    Lol those were pretty good.
     
  9. Leftinbuilding

    Leftinbuilding Active Member

    Just for accuracy sake, these are an accumulation of write-ups from several Airlines, not UPS. Still funny...
     
  10. Leftinbuilding

    Leftinbuilding Active Member

    Here are a few more....

    P: Radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Radio switches stick
    S: Peanut butter no longer served to flight crew

    P: Screaming sound in cabin at start-up
    S: Company accountant deplaned

    P: Funny smell in cockpit
    S: Pilot told to change cologne

    P: Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weight
    S: Aircraft put on diet of 92 octane

    P: #3 engine knocks at idle
    S: #3 engine let in for a few beers

    P: #3 engine runs like it's sick
    S: #3 engine diagnosed with hangover

    P: Brakes howl on application
    S: Don't step on 'em so hard!

    P: Radio sounds like a squealing pig
    S: Removed pig from radio. BBQ behind hangar tomorrow

    P: Whole aircraft smells like BBQ
    S: Ground Checks OK

    P: First class cabin floor has a squeak
    S: Co-pilot told not to play with toddler toys in cabin anymore

    P: Electrical governor is broke
    S: Paid off governor's debt to Jimmy "The Fish" Galvano






     
  11. outamyway

    outamyway New Member

  12. browntruckmechanic

    browntruckmechanic Well isn't that special ?????????

    i have a couple of drivers w/a since of humor. One wrote in dvir that he had a loose stool. I repaired seat bottom and left a roll of toilet paper hanging off the backup monitor, and suggested he might need to add a little fiber to his diet, Another wrote up that his left front night driving illuminater was not working properly on low power mode.
     
  13. they were verry funny
    on our ccr (car condition report) a lot drivers complain abt a strange noise coming from the front of the van or truck
    after inspection the mechanic reports poss cause of noise :em poss the engine running !!!:thumbup1: