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Funny Maintenance complaint responses
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<blockquote data-quote="tourists24" data-source="post: 635867" data-attributes="member: 11490"><p>Aircraft Engineers are Funny Guys</p><p></p><p>After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.</p><p></p><p>Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.</p><p></p><p>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.</p><p>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.</p><p></p><p>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.</p><p>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.</p><p></p><p>P: Something loose in cockpit</p><p>S: Something tightened in cockpit</p><p></p><p>P: Dead bugs on windshield.</p><p>S: Live bugs on back-order.</p><p></p><p>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent</p><p>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.</p><p></p><p>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.</p><p>S: Evidence removed.</p><p></p><p>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.</p><p>S: DME volume set to more believable level.</p><p></p><p>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.</p><p>S: That’s what friction locks are for.</p><p></p><p>P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.</p><p>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.</p><p></p><p>P: Suspected crack in windshield.</p><p>S: Suspect you’re right</p><p></p><p>P: Number 3 engine missing.</p><p>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.</p><p></p><p>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)</p><p>S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.</p><p></p><p>P: Target radar hums.</p><p>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.</p><p></p><p>P: Mouse in cockpit.</p><p>S: Cat installed.</p><p></p><p>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.</p><p>S: Took hammer away from midget.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tourists24, post: 635867, member: 11490"] Aircraft Engineers are Funny Guys After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you’re right P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. [/QUOTE]
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