Got into some hot water.....

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by GROUNDIsAHugeSCAM, Jul 5, 2013.

  1. So I work for Ground. I absorb some HD packages that are part of my route. It's not by choice. They make me do it. If it was my choice, I would eat cheese puffs and drink blue moons all day. Anyway.. I get the occasional HD package. Most are easy driver releases that I just toss onto the porch or yard or whatever. But I have this one stop that I get about twice a week. It's an elderly lady, and she lives in the 8th floor of a hi-rise. She only gets tiny envelopes that are meds.

    My first time up there, I was huffing and puffing because I was out of breath. The elevator is sh|tty, and it always breaks down. I'm very fat, so it's hard to move these man thighs around. The lady is very nice. I got this genius idea. The lady was in a wheelchair and has a hard time getting to the door to open it. But.... she always sits on her deck overlooking the street. I said "Hey lady, I got a great idea. You're elderly, and I'm fat. I have a remote control helicopter at home. Give me your phone # and i'll call you and ill fly the package up to you." She loved the idea.

    I rigged up my badass RC copter with a little basket and I flew the packages up to her. Driver releases. Everybody was happy. My copter is only about 9 inches long. This lady was my fav. customer. One day I landed the copter and she clipped a small bag of red hot cheetos to the basket. I would have married her if she wasnt like 100. Sometimes shed send me other sweets. Ive been doing this for 2 months. Well, someone called in and complained. I guess they thought it was unprofessional. The manager called me in and made me watch a stupid video. My contractor told me if I get one more complaint in 6 months, Ill get canned. WTF is the big deal?????? I thought it was a good idea. I can't be the only one whos ever used an RC copter to deliver envelopes right? What happened when you guys got a complaint?

    This is such bull :censored2::censored2::censored2::censored2:!The elevator in this dang place is broken again and I have to lug my 360 pound ass up stairs twice a week, 8 floors! If I cant get my copter back, Im thinking of buying her a fishing pole and putting a big weight on the end with a clothes pin. Then I clip that sucker to the pin and she reels it up like a bass. Why cant fedex leave us alone? We took a :censored2::censored2::censored2::censored2:ty situation and made it into something positive. I should be getting a raise for showing ingenuity! Not being threatened with a firing and watching stupid videos! What would you guys do?
     
  2. caravan42

    caravan42 Member

    This is hilarious !!
     
  3. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Are you actually Seth McFarlane? I just watched "Ted" (again), and swear you write like he does...LOFL
     
  4. northbound

    northbound Member

    I was thinking same. Written like a MFE clown
     
  5. Ricochet1a

    Ricochet1a New Member

    Something like what the OP put up would be PRIME for an old style Express commercial (make it a Ground commercial this time).

    Begin scene - Driver standing outside apartment building and saying to himself, "Eighth Floor.....!!!!"

    (Driver goes inside, elevator out of order). "Just my lucky day"

    (Climbs stairs, panting and sweating and door is opened by little old lady) "Well thank you young man!"

    Cut scene

    Week later, same driver, same location.

    (Driver takes deep breath and climbs stairs).

    (Little old lady appears at the door) "Thank you again!".

    Driver: "I'll have a different way to get your package to you next time, if you don't mind"

    Lady: (Puzzled look on her face), "Alright"

    Cut scene

    Next week, driver standing outside apartment, this time with a big grin.

    Pan down to a small battery powered toy helicopter.

    Small package is placed into basket and camera pans back up to eighth floor balcony where little old lady is standing.

    Driver (Powers up copter and lands it on customer's balcony table).

    Lady (Takes package and waves) copter flies back down to Driver and scene cuts to truck driving away.

    Next week, same routine as last, except lady put a little something in basket for driver

    Cut to driver eating one of little old lady's cookies and saying something to the effect, "Hmmm, pretty good".

    Scene fades as truck is driving away and driver's voice is heard, "Best tip I've ever received"..

    End Commercial. could be done in 30 seconds if imagery is done right with quick cuts

    This is something that marketers just EAT UP. If I was this driver, I'd write up a synopsis of what he did (leave out the inappropriate discipline), and send it in to FedEx Media Relations:

    942 South Shady Grove Road
    Memphis TN, 38120

    Not trying to promote FedEx in the least, but our OP may be able to get himself some 'coin' for his true story (and make that people of a 'manager' look real foolish).

    If this all really did happen, it just points to the fact of how far away FedEx has gotten away from what it once was.

    About 15 years ago, its seems Fred was assimilated by the Borg and wants to assimilate all 'drones' under his power. Resistance is Futile!!!!

    God forbid that anyone who draws a paycheck from FedEx should think outside the box and use their brain - that's dangerous in the current FedEx...
     
  6. serenity now

    serenity now Guest

    there's two minutes of my life I'll never get back :angry:
     
  7. This is a true story.

    This is quite the arbitrary post. You were already logged onto browncafe.com perusing different posts. That means those minutes of your life would be wasted anyway. In addition, you replied to the thread. It took you approximately thirty seconds to quote my text and insert your comment. Thats 2 minutes of your life wasted reading, and 30 seconds wasted replying. Know what that means? It means that you contributed 25% of the wasted time. You'd like to place most of the blame on my shoulders, but this is a two way street!

    What are you doing logged onto here at 4:36 am on a Saturday anyway? That's the bigger issue. I'm logged on because I'm a fat loser who works for Ground during the week, and has no friends on the weekends. My own coworkers shun me for various social and health related reasons. If you're a fellow fat loser, let's join forces!.. slowly of course. I don't like expending too much energy. But if you are going to pass judgment, then good day sir!
     
  8. FedExRookie

    FedExRookie Member

    If you're going to get angry and attempt to show how witty you are, at least get you math correct.

    If he wasted 2 minutes reading and an additional 30 seconds responding, he would have contributed less than 25%.
     
  9. The thirty seconds was incorporated as part of the two minutes. Two minutes = 120 seconds. 120 x .25 = 30. Math is correct. You are right, if it was 2.5 minutes... it would be a lower percentage, very good! *clapping*. I will forward this thread to Freddy so he can give you a raise.

    Maybe you can be his new accountant! He would love your math!

    Fred: FedExRookie, should we give Express a 25% raise?
    FedExRookie: Less than 25%.

    Fred: What percentage of my 1.9 billion dollar stake in FedEx should go towards charitable contributions?
    FedExRookie: Much less than 25%.
     
  10. FedExRookie

    FedExRookie Member

    You said 'Thats 2 minutes of your life wasted reading, and 30 seconds wasted replying'


    I would give you a round of applause; however, you can't seem to manage simple math and you lack the ability to comprehend what you have written.





     
  11. STFXG

    STFXG Well-Known Member

    If this was true not only would I go to bat for you as my employee with fedex, I'd go to the mall and buy you a new badass copter to help with the genius delivery method.
     
  12. I Am Jacks Damaged Box

    I Am Jacks Damaged Box Well-Known Member


     
  13. What do you expect? I am a morbidly obese Ground driver. I'm not perfect. Because of meanies like you, I turn to food. I'll be back. I hate me!
     
  14. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    Hmmm. Low self-esteem and inability to accept personal responsibility. I'd cut your pay and add 10 stops a day. You won't have the balls to fight back, so....
     
  15. Damn you BB Sam. You're always right.
     
  16. CJinx

    CJinx Well-Known Member

    The RC helicopter thing is brilliant. Paint it white, put a Fedex logo on it and argue for brand promotion, LOL!
     
  17. HAHAHAHA. The man (Fred, BB Sam, various Ground managers) is always trying to suppress me! I'm a free bird and I need to flap my wings. I like your style Cjinx.
     
  18. FedExRookie

    FedExRookie Member


    Or he is simply a non-ground driver who impersonates one online, only to highlight the negative attributes given to them by drivers of other entities. His inability to accept personal responsibility does show through his inability to admit he miscalculated his initial problem, along with his inability to accept that he can't comprehend what he states.

    If he is truly who is says he says he is, the man needs help, I don't know how he can function in life with self-esteem that low.
     
  19. I'm not a Ground driver, but I play one on BC.
     
  20. Thats a humor laden reference to a commercial, if you didn't get it^^^^^^^