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Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 60159"><p>> Acts 2:38 </p><p> </p><p>> An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church </p><p>>services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act </p><p>>of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent </p><p>>and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be </p><p>>forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the </p><p>>police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to </p><p>>take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the </p><p>>old lady did was yell a scripture to you." </p><p>> "Scripture?" replied the burglar. </p><p>> "She said she had an axe and two 38's!" </p><p>> </p><p>> > > > > ************** </p><p>> 17th Chapter of Mark </p><p>> At the end of the service the minister said "next Sunday I am going to </p><p>>preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for </p><p>>my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark." </p><p>> On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin, andsaid, "Now, then, </p><p>>all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of </p><p>>Mark, please raise your hands." Nearly every hand in the congregation went </p><p>>up. </p><p>> Then said the preacher, "You are the people I want to talk to. There is no </p><p>>seventeenth chapter of Mark." </p><p>> </p><p>> > > > > *********** </p><p>> Getting Better </p><p>> A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime </p><p>>story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up </p><p>>and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched </p><p>>his. </p><p>> After a little while of thinking she asked, </p><p>> "Grandpa, did God make you?" </p><p>> He looked at her and said, "Yes, sweetheart God made me a </p><p>> long time ago." </p><p>> She paused for a few seconds and then asked, </p><p>> "Grandpa, did God make me too?" </p><p>> He replied, "Yes, indeed pumpkin, God made you just a </p><p>> little while ago." </p><p>> Feeling their respective faces again, she whispered to him, </p><p>> "God's getting better at it, isn't he?" </p><p>></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 60159"] > Acts 2:38 > An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church >services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act >of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent >and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be >forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the >police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to >take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the >old lady did was yell a scripture to you." > "Scripture?" replied the burglar. > "She said she had an axe and two 38's!" > > > > > > ************** > 17th Chapter of Mark > At the end of the service the minister said "next Sunday I am going to >preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for >my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark." > On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin, andsaid, "Now, then, >all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of >Mark, please raise your hands." Nearly every hand in the congregation went >up. > Then said the preacher, "You are the people I want to talk to. There is no >seventeenth chapter of Mark." > > > > > > *********** > Getting Better > A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime >story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up >and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched >his. > After a little while of thinking she asked, > "Grandpa, did God make you?" > He looked at her and said, "Yes, sweetheart God made me a > long time ago." > She paused for a few seconds and then asked, > "Grandpa, did God make me too?" > He replied, "Yes, indeed pumpkin, God made you just a > little while ago." > Feeling their respective faces again, she whispered to him, > "God's getting better at it, isn't he?" > [/QUOTE]
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