Home
Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
Latest activity
Members
Current visitors
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Home
Forums
Brown Cafe UPS Forum
Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="lazyboy" data-source="post: 61212"><p>'No Work' Excuses for Mondays </p><p>I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? </p><p> </p><p>When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. </p><p> </p><p>I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. </p><p> </p><p>If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. </p><p> </p><p>I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet.... </p><p> </p><p>Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. </p><p> </p><p>I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain false information. </p><p> </p><p>The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. </p><p> </p><p>The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. </p><p> </p><p>I prefer to remain an enigma. </p><p> </p><p>I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly elog (pi) on all the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lazyboy, post: 61212"] 'No Work' Excuses for Mondays I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet.... Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain false information. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. I prefer to remain an enigma. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly elog (pi) on all the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Home
Forums
Brown Cafe UPS Forum
Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
Top