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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 133867" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p>Cop Humor...</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Relax, the handcuffs ar tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that's the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Yes , Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh..did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Warning! You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Just how big were those two beers?" </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">You think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 133867, member: 1246"] Cop Humor... [FONT=Arial]Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Relax, the handcuffs ar tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that's the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Yes , Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh..did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Warning! You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Just how big were those two beers?" [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]You think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.[/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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