Home
Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
Latest activity
Members
Current visitors
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Home
Forums
Brown Cafe UPS Forum
Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 1649024" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p>Steven Wright .......</p><p></p><p>All the plants in my house are dead--I shot them last night. I was torturing them by watering them with ice cubes.</p><p></p><p>I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."</p><p></p><p>I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."</p><p></p><p>I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."</p><p></p><p>When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.</p><p></p><p>Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.</p><p></p><p>I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.</p><p></p><p>It's a fine night to have an evening.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 1649024, member: 1246"] Steven Wright ....... All the plants in my house are dead--I shot them last night. I was torturing them by watering them with ice cubes. I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job." I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded." When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. It's a fine night to have an evening. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Home
Forums
Brown Cafe UPS Forum
Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
Top