Homer Simpson to head"Late Freight" Initiative Panel

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Apr 6, 2014.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Fred Smith announced today that Homer Simpson has been hired to head the Late Freight Initiative Panel (LFIP) at FedEx Express "Homer personifies the problem-solving capabilities of this organization", said Smith, and "Simpson plays chess, when the rest of us are playing checkers". "We expect great things from Homer, and are confident that he will effectively deal with our massive systemic problems". "Our customers will soon be seeing 100% service levels again".

    The arrival of Simpson has industry insiders wondering if Matthew Thornton III's tenure at FedEx is about to end. An unconfirmed source says that Thornton will soon be named VP of Panda Waste Management.

    It has long been rumored that FedEx is experiencing severe organizational issues which have greatly impacted the efficiency of operations. The FedEx meltdown during Christmas 2013 would see to confirm this, although FedEx claims a 99% on-time record and blamed shippers for overloading it's system. Amazon's Jeff Bezos, one of the biggest critics of FedEx performance, said on Friday that "Dave Bronczek and Fred Smith are the two biggest liars in corporate America".
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2014
  2. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    He'll work great with Kim Jung Un,director of employee relations!:biggrin: