Lark Program

Discussion in 'Life After Brown' started by Channahon, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. Channahon

    Channahon New Member

    Hope this isn't offensive to anyone who reads it


    A Lady wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about
    the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in
    Guantanamo Bay.

    She received back the following reply:

    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, D.C. 20016

    Dear Concerned Citizen,

    Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment
    of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at
    Guantanamo Bay,Cuba.

    Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opi nion
    was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

    You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens
    like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist
    Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility
    for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

    In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
    decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

    Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for
    transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next

    Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
    cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
    letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire
    some assistant caretakers.

    We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of
    care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly
    recommended in your letter.

    Although Ahmed is a sociopat h and extremely violent, we hope that
    your sensitivity to what you described as his attitudinal problem"
    will help him overcome these character flaws.

    Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere
    cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer
    counseling and home schooling.

    Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
    combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a
    pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to
    demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert
    at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household
    products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in
    your opinion) this might offend him.

    Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
    sexually), since he views all females as a subhuman form of
    property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he
    has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to
    comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more
    appropriate attire.

    I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka
    -- over time.

    Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his
    religious beliefs". Wasn't that how you put it?

    Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like
    you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good
    care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

    Good luck!

    Cordially, your friend,


    Support and Pray for Our Troops
  2. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member it, love it !!! :)
  3. over9five

    over9five Senior Member Staff Member


    I love the "under heavily armed guard" part!
  4. solitarysiren

    solitarysiren Happiness in Slavery...

    don't know if i should start a new thread for this, but.....

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