lessons in life

[rod]

You can't throw him out with the bath water. He is 18. That is a terrible age. So many changes. It is very hard.
I highly doubt the kid is proud of how he treated his mother. His ego is getting the better of him right now. He will come around. Just give it time. I think ages 16- 25 are the hardest to get through.

You said it best. Kids (and adults) all say stuff in the heat of the moment that they regret later. I would give anything to just be able to just have a good old fashion fight with my son. I am so thankful that in the last 3 years before we lost him we grew close and actually became best friends.

 

[MattRyan4prez]

As a psych student and a 23 year old whose had his share of legal issues and is still living at home, i think that what you did was the right thing. when a child and parent cannot communicate effectively they can't do anything. if drugs are an issue, then you ought to drag his ass back and deal with it ASAP, otherwise just wait him out because he WILL come home with his tail between his legs. all that said do not judge him too harshly for things he's said. such comments may be attributed to youth and anger.
good luck

 

[toonertoo]

Good luck with him, 18 is a tough age. he may have been having a girl problem, and just cant talk about it. I raised two and we went round and round several times, with no father in the home I was it. I behaved badly on several occasions when I couldnt believe they were coming against me, as I was all they had. And though I loved my parents dearly, they had little positive effect on how to raise boys. fist fights, and rolling around was how they handled it.
If I knew now what I knew then, I would have been a better parent but Alas, it is what it is. We got over our problems, and I have the best boys you could have now. I think it was the fact that they had never given me an inkling of a problem, so when they did, I exploded. Sounds kinda like your situation. I threw one of my boys out, and then went to see him a few days later, he came home, we talked it out, and all has been well since, and that was 18 yrs ago. So I hope it goes well, we all make mistakes. Momma can forgive him Im sure.

 

[1 stop at a time]

Thank you all for your responses. I knew reaction would be varied but I gained a little more insight and patience and wisdom reading these replies.

We will see how it goes, I'm hoping for the best while expecting nothing.

I can say, to give all of you a bit of my mindset .....

My wife and I love our son unconditionally, he just can't live here unconditionally.

Life has rules, and children need to learn at a young age about personal accountability. Choices have benefits and/or consequences that linger.

 

[FracusBrown]

a good resource.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens.aspx

 

[just chillin']

dude......its been over a week and YOU have had no contact? meaning you dont know his whereabouts? dangerous holiday weekend coming up man, go find yer son. tell him he can come home and deal from there. at 17 barely 18, there's no way in hell i wouldn't have contact with my boy for over a week because of a fight between him and his mom. like you said, you weren't there. but by not reaching out to him for his side of the story, i guarantee he thinks your on moms side and hes got no ally or impartial party. this will only get worse. and everyone please give this a thought. a day on a calender does not make a man!

 

[DS]

another site that cheryl runs
http://www.conductdisorders.com/

 

[TUT]

dude......its been over a week and YOU have had no contact? meaning you dont know his whereabouts? dangerous holiday weekend coming up man, go find yer son. tell him he can come home and deal from there. at 17 barely 18, there's no way in hell i wouldn't have contact with my boy for over a week because of a fight between him and his mom. like you said, you weren't there. but by not reaching out to him for his side of the story, i guarantee he thinks your on moms side and hes got no ally or impartial party. this will only get worse. and everyone please give this a thought. a day on a calender does not make a man!

Yeah we'd be having a hard time sleeping over here, if out of the blue our 19 year old left over a single argument (because that is all we know) and no word for a week.

 

[DS]

I shouldn't be commenting,since I have no kids really.But this hits home in a way.
Your son is young and has plenty of time to learn from his mistakes.
Chances are he will be in touch soon ,hopefully with apologies.
Try to give him a call.
Here's my story,I'll try to be brief.
my sister died at 42 years old.She had a son.I vowed to take care of him,and did so for years .
He abused my hospitality to a point where I had to call him on it.
When I sold my moms condo,he got half ,(by law,and by my choice)
He said he never wanted to see me again.
Know what? Other than meeting my wife,it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
.