Life Lessons

Discussion in 'Life After Brown' started by splozi, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. splozi

    splozi Guest

    Walrus Oyster: Life Lessons

    I feel like Lessons 2, 4, 5 and 6 can be applicable to a job at UPS, or any other company.

    Lesson 2

    A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

    Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

    Lesson 4

    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

    A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

    Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

    Lesson 5: Power of Charisma

    A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

    Lesson 6

    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

    Moral of the story:
    1. Not everyone who sh**s on you is your enemy
    2. Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend
    3. And when you’re in deep s***, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
  2. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Never piss into the wind.
  3. ajblakejr

    ajblakejr Age quod agis

    Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

    Bucket List...
  4. hurricanegunner

    hurricanegunner UPSPoop

  5. ORLY!?!

    ORLY!?! Master Loader


    OP, made my day.
  6. Coldworld

    Coldworld Well-Known Member

    Of course "the Dick" would like that especially the part about the hard-on!!
  7. ajblakejr

    ajblakejr Age quod agis

    Here it is....
    The Bucket List: Never Trust A Fart - YouTube