MT3 Announces the "We Hear You" Program

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Apr 30, 2013.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    Once again, FedEx has improved it's overall score on the SFA program as a corporation, but we are aware that there may be some issues at the local level of our organization. Therefore, I am pleased to announce the creation of the We Hear You (WHY) Program, which will address your concerns in accordance with the underlying principle of P-S-P. Upper management wants you to succeed, and in order to succeed, you must understand, and a major part of the WHY Program is designed to increase your understanding of what we do here in Memphis and why we do it. You have expressed a desire to be heard, and to participate in meaningful decisions at the corporate level of FedEx that affect you directly in your jobs in the field. We will IMMEDIATELY undertake the following steps to directly address your concerns and live both the Purple Promise and P-S-P.

    1. The Splash-Splash Water Park 25% discount is now available M-F during the months of October, November, December, January, and March. Splash-Splash is a state-of-the-art water theme park located on the outskirts of Buffalo, NY. In addition, showing your FedEx ID will give you a 10% discount on all park refreshments and concessions.

    2. Name A Panda Program: Now, you and your fellow employees can enter a drawing to name a panda. You must have perfect attendance and acceptable SPH in order to participate. Your name will be applied to a panda for a period not to exceed one month, at which time it will be re-named by another employee. Once a year, a lucky employee will be able to stay in the panda's cage in the zoo, and shovel-out the enclosure, feed the panda, and otherwise bond with this incredibly important animal.

    3. ORD with MT3: There will be a drawing amongst eligible employees for an all-expenses paid weekend with MT3 at his mansion outside Chicago. Includes round-trip transportation from MEM to Chicago on MT3's personal jet and a weekend with Dano performing chores at Matt's estate. Transportation to and from MEM is NOT included.

    4. My New House: This program will allow employees to vote on where upper management personnel should locate their new homes. For example, Dave Bronczek just cashed-in almost $8M in stock and is looking to buy a new estate in-addition to the several homes he already owns. Should he buy a villa in France or a new mansion is Aspen? YOU get to help decide!!!

    5. More Family Time (MFT) Program: So you can spend more time with your family and achieve an ideal work/life balance, we are now cutting minimum hours for FT employees to 30 from 35.

    6. Less Vacation Time (LVT) Program: Since vacation bidding has become controversial, employees can now only accrue 2 weeks of vacation. June, July, and August are now blacked-out months and vacation time cannot be taken during this period in addition to already established blackout dates/days.

    7. Company Song Program: I just returned from several weeks in Japan, and had the opportunity to observe several benchmark companies in-action. Effective immediately, all employees will start 10 minutes prior to their punch-in time for an UNPAID group singing of the FedEx Company Song (FCS). Giant "FedEx Is #1" foam fingers will be distributed to each of you, and a one-time fee of $25 will be deducted from your next check in order to defray expenses of this program.

    See, we really do HEAR you here in Memphis, and YOU are an important part of our future. Remember, thank you for everything you do, make every customer experience exceptional, and GROUND IS GOOD!! we want you to be happy and productive members of our team.

    Sincerely,

    Matthew Thornton III, Esquire, PS, FACS, JD, MBA, LMFAO
     
  2. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    You, sir, are FREAKIN' KILLING ME! :happy-very:
     
  3. Route 66

    Route 66 Flacid Member

    LMAO! ...(probably the funniest one yet)
     
  4. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    My favorite is the "Name a Panda"

    Can I suggest ThorBronSmith?
     
  5. ManInBrown

    ManInBrown Well-Known Member

  6. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Did you meet MT3's pre-qualifications? I think I'd name what the panda leaves on the floor ThorBronSmith.
     
  7. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    Shoot, I don't meet the pre-quals.

    :dissapointed:
     
  8. RTURNSONLY

    RTURNSONLY Member

    My suggestion for the Name a Panda Program is "Dano"


    Disclaimer: Any similarity with any company troll is pure coincidence.
     
  9. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    We here you = WHY

    Nice touch!