Now I have heard it all (maybe)

4

40andOut

Guest
I get sooooo tired of customers telling me to drive safe after hearing it constantly from the bosses.
It was great the other day when a guy at the machine shop told me to "drive safe" and the other guy at the shop said "Yes mom"
​ I laughed my head off.
 

728ups

All Trash No Trailer
Is that all? are you sure there arent any more boxes on your truck?

Customer: I tracked the package and it says it will be at your 'warehouse' saturday.

Me :yes,but it will be in a sealed trailer at my Center and will go out for delivery monday

​Customer: well,will they let me look thru the trailer for my package?
 

didyousheetit

Well-Known Member
I've gotten to the point that I just tell them its a cardboard box. I'm not being a smartass, I just tell them the truth, it usually shuts them up.

Another set of customers ask me "who is the package from", I tell them its from me to you. That one tends to piss them off just enough so they understand they are being idiots.
I love it when they ask what's it say? I hold it up to my ear and say it doesn't say anything!
 

nicky

Well-Known Member
My favorite was on a bad day... Had probably 10 people ask "what is it" so the next one walks out with his daughter signs for a cell phone and asks the question... My response was "The pony you ordered for your daughter" the look on her face was priceless! And then daddy had to explain that the UPS guy was an :censored2:. Typically I will say "Its a box" or if its long or a tube then its a rocket launcher
 

kingOFchester

Well-Known Member
I always add...."You are the one that ordered it."
Got into a heated discussion over this comment. He said "oh, we got a wise ass here huh?"
I responded with "if I am an ass for not knowing what it is, then your a fool for not knowing what you ordered"
on and on it went.
 

kingOFchester

Well-Known Member
On any hot steamy day with sweat dripping from face and shirt soaked:

"Is it raining out""?
"Do you have AC in the truck"?
"Stay cool out there"!


A few years ago, as I was walking away from a porch where I just left a sleep number bed "where are you going"? "you still have to put it together".
 

OPTION3

Well-Known Member
I was delivering a 130lb gun safe a few months ago on a steep street. Finally get it to the house and the neighbor across the street calls out. "Their not home! I'll take it for them!) I laugh a little to myself and say "that's OK I'll just leave it here." Some back and forth happens she starts to get upset and says that it could be stolen. I said "Well if they can carry it away then they can have it!" Had a nice chat in the office about that one. ID STILL DO IT AGAIN :-)
I love third floor apartment Customers, that come out after I get back to the package car.."hey I'm here!"......I yell Back "hey....I'm HERE"...as they get to the 1st floor I drive OOFFF!---BEATCCHHHEEESSS!
 

104Feeder

Phoenix Feeder
Little old lady wanted to bend my ear about "why are the packages so dirty?". Rather than explain to her how our operation works and the concept of friction, I just said that's why we wear brown. She was very, very upset at how dirty her packages were.
 
Swing driving I had a lady at an office say You're not our regular driver.

I reply. Whad? Dust bedause I daf a deach impdimid I'm nod good edough do dediver dour padiges? (What? Just because I have a speech impediment I'm not good enough to deliver your packages?)

She freaks out saying No,No,No! I didn't mean that as she signs and I walk out.

Next day I go in and she's all apologetic. Sorry, sorry,sorry.

I take back the diad and in perfectly clear speech say Don't worry about it. It's OK.
 

Brownslave688

You want a toe? I can get you a toe.
Little old lady wanted to bend my ear about "why are the packages so dirty?". Rather than explain to her how our operation works and the concept of friction, I just said that's why we wear brown. She was very, very upset at how dirty her packages were.

I had a business a few weeks ago. I pull up to the dock door. Customer says what the hell is wrong with these packages? Oh that's dust. I've been down some gravel roads. He was livid. Wouldn't touch the boxes was kicking them around to move them. Just kept saying this is unacceptable I can not believe this. Lol
 

iruhnman630

Well-Known Member
'He can do it, honey. That's what he's paid for.'

...said the young naive wife to her husband as he was helping carry their 11 boxes up to their 3rd floor apartment.

Still a classic.
 

TooTechie

Geek in Brown
I recently got confronted by a customer asking me if her son's meds had been refrigerated like the shipper said they would be.

Yes, we leave the doors open in the cab which is sort of almost like a refrigerator. It works pretty well. The back of the truck only gets up to about 130 degrees.
 

didyousheetit

Well-Known Member
Got into a heated discussion over this comment. He said "oh, we got a wise ass here huh?"
I responded with "if I am an ass for not knowing what it is, then your a fool for not knowing what you ordered"
on and on it went.
Had similar situation with office manager once years ago. She said I was a smart :censored2: I replied better than a dumb one. She didn't talk to me for over a year.
 

soberups

Pees in the brown Koolaid
For me the ones that really got under my skin were the people who were all gung-ho about starting up their multi-level marketing business (Amway, Quixtar, Meleluca etc.) and wanted to make me listen to their spiel instead of just signing for their stuff and letting me be on my way. You can see it in their eyes; they visualize you driving around all day peddling their soap or vitamins or whatever right out the back of the truck to everyone you meet. I had one guy tell me "he read in the news" that UPS was "about to start massive layoffs nationwide" and that I really ought to get on board his fantastic business opportunity while I still had the chance. This conversation occured at around 7 at night in late November, so I politely explained to him that the likelihood of me being laid off in the coming weeks was fairly remote.
 

overflowed

Well-Known Member
Swing driving I had a lady at an office say You're not our regular driver.

I reply. Whad? Dust bedause I daf a deach impdimid I'm nod good edough do dediver dour padiges? (What? Just because I have a speech impediment I'm not good enough to deliver your packages?)

She freaks out saying No,No,No! I didn't mean that as she signs and I walk out.

Next day I go in and she's all apologetic. Sorry, sorry,sorry.

I take back the diad and in perfectly clear speech say Don't worry about it. It's OK.

Now that sir, is Gangster.
 

Brownslave688

You want a toe? I can get you a toe.
For me the ones that really got under my skin were the people who were all gung-ho about starting up their multi-level marketing business (Amway, Quixtar, Meleluca etc.) and wanted to make me listen to their spiel instead of just signing for their stuff and letting me be on my way. You can see it in their eyes; they visualize you driving around all day peddling their soap or vitamins or whatever right out the back of the truck to everyone you meet. I had one guy tell me "he read in the news" that UPS was "about to start massive layoffs nationwide" and that I really ought to get on board his fantastic business opportunity while I still had the chance. This conversation occured at around 7 at night in late November, so I politely explained to him that the likelihood of me being laid off in the coming weeks was fairly remote.


Yep. I usually just say do u pay 80k a year with benefits and a pension and 2 months of vacation?

They just stand there drop jawed.
 

soberups

Pees in the brown Koolaid
Yep. I usually just say do u pay 80k a year with benefits and a pension and 2 months of vacation?

They just stand there drop jawed.

One morning long ago when I was hung over and in a bad mood, I was standing there getting the sales pitch from a lady (in a crummy apartment with a beater car of course) who was flapping her gums about "helping me start my own business" and "making me rich" instead of just hurrying up and filling out the COD check for her damn Melaluca order. I was cranky, I was running late, I had a lot of stops to do and she was pissing me off, so I finally interrupted her and said "ma'am, if I went outside right now and fell and broke my leg trying to get back in that truck, I would make ten times as much money on Workmens Comp as you will ever make selling that skin cream."

I'm glad to say that during the short period of time that she remained at the helm of her Melaluca business empire, she never spoke to me again.
 
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