OMG!! The Pandas Have Arrived in Paris!!

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Jan 15, 2012.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    The specially-painted 777 carrying the pandas from China has landed!! Soon they will be transported in a specially-painted truck with a police escort to the zoo!! Shhh, we don't want any publicity, OK, even though we named the plane the "Panda Express" and have hyped this endlessly for weeks now. I hope the restauraunt chain sues FedEx and wins a huge settlement.

    If you've ever seen the movie "Elf", imagine the scene where Will Ferrell is told that "Santa" is coming. That's me right now. "The Pandas are coming, the Pandas have coming!!!"
     
  2. vantexan

    vantexan Well-Known Member

    Did they bring the pandas from the enchanted forest to the airport in the electric delivery van?
     
  3. pickup

    pickup Well-Known Member

    Fed ex pandering to the public??? NO!!! (see that's funny cos pandering plays on panda, right??? of course right!)
     
  4. vantexan

    vantexan Well-Known Member

    Pandemonium breaks out!!
     
  5. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    They had to fly it to France and then tow it to the airport because it has a range of 5 miles. This was after they flew it to the enchanted forest in China to be blessed by Po, of Kung Fu Panda fame. They're in the process of converting it to run on bamboo, which will cost 120 million dollars. BTW, when the fabulous electric van took it's cross-country tour nobody mentioned that they had to trailer it up any mountains and anywhere else where it didn't have the power or range to go.
     
  6. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    I think we should all be forced to wear panda buttons and have new uniform pants with one white leg and one black one. I'm so excited that I just :censored2: myself!! God, do I love those effing pandas. They do nothing but eat and sleep all day so maybe they should have been named Matthew and Frederick.
     
  7. vantexan

    vantexan Well-Known Member

    So are all the commercials and benevolence due to a tv being tossed?
     
  8. P1 Lates

    P1 Lates New Member

    I heard if the Pandas somehow perished during transit; there is a backup plan to serve it as a main course at the next shareholders meeting.
     
  9. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Our new service levels will be Panda 1, Panda 2, and Panda Saver. If you need it really fast, there is Premature Panda. Or, if you need it delivered on the wrong day to the wrong address there is Panda Ground. For an extra $50, they'll throw your package into the Panda's cage and they will break it. That would be Panda Critical.
     
  10. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    Panda haters?! Nobody hates Pandas!
     
  11. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    We're learning fast.
     
  12. vantexan

    vantexan Well-Known Member

    This just in...FedEx will fly the pandas to New York next week to present their plan on world peace to the U.N.. Noted world leaders Hillary Clinton, Desmond Tutu, Bono, and George Clooney will introduce the pandas before each speech. The CEO of FedEx, Fred Smith, was pleased to announce that the pandas' efforts had a positive effect on FedEx stock prices, helping to open new markets. Said Smith:"Funny how things work out. We were only interested in helping these sweet creatures, and looks like it'll result in millions of windfall profits. Go figure!!"
     
  13. vantexan

    vantexan Well-Known Member

    And yet they try to make the public think that they're going to use these vehicles on a large scale and be "green".
     
  14. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Have you seen the new "Sustainability" CG ad on TV?
     
  15. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    The GOP has announced that Mr. Huntsman is going to be replaced as a GOP candidate with the pandas. This was apparently the plan for the Manchurian Candidate all along...to install the pandas in the White House and make them the leaders of the Free World. They have already shot to the top of the polls, being far more qualified (and nicer) than any of the current Republican candidates.

    The one problem might be religion, since both pandas are Buddhist, and at odds with the leaders of the religious Right. Pat Robertson will make an announcement today on "The 700 Club" after he talks with God, and will decide after that conversation whether or not the pandas will get his endorsement.

    Newt and Mitt have already attacked both pandas for being the illegitimate offspring of unmarried parents and for the Chinese supporting Iran during recent Middle Eastern conflicts.

    Neither panda has any comment at this time, but official panda spokesperson Maury Lane is talking with both of them now and will have a press conference in Memphis today at 1500 local time with both pandas to hear their views on the controversy. The event will be held at the Memphis Pyramid, which has been painted black and white with large "FEDEX" signage all over the building. They will be transported to the press conference in the electric van, which is being equipped with a 10 foot tall billboard of the pandas, and accompanied by numerous FedEx officials, all wearing panda suits that say "FEDEX" in purple and orange.

    At 1600 there will be an overflight of FedEx jets in formation and they will spell-out P-A-N-D-A in skywriting. All of the jets will be decorated in the Panda Express theme and promotional leaflets and stuffed pandas will be dropped from each aircraft.

    Bamboo will be served in the Panda One room after the event.
     
  16. vantexan

    vantexan Well-Known Member

    Not sure, is that the one where the electric van is lowered into the enchanted forest with all the cute critters?
     
  17. DOWNTRODDEN IN TEXAS

    DOWNTRODDEN IN TEXAS Active Member

    Yes, and unless it either has an invisible bulkhead or the door was open. What crap.
     
  18. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    MFE,
    Man, I gotta say, I LOVE your sense of humor.
    I sure wish we worked together.
     
  19. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    :happy2:
    He used to be a bit rough around the edges, but he has refined his delivery for the better. Kinda like he finished puking up blood and bile and could finally put the coherent thoughts into type with both insightfulness and humor. Of course, sometimes he's still just wrong, but not in a mean and hateful way anymore.:happy2:
     
  20. P1 Lates

    P1 Lates New Member

    I heard from a reliable source that the pandas aren't real. They actually are remote controlled by Freddy Panda himself because he has a vested interest in animal-tronics. It's being used as an audit tool to spy on gound ops. Look for the Pandas to replace MT3 when Febuary Frontline is available. Freddy Panda Smith thinks we will acutally pay attention rather than make fun of MT3.