One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal
- Thread starter moreluck
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moreluck
golden ticket member
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
moreluck
golden ticket member
A twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza:
Customer: Yo, I ordered a pizza & it came with no toppings on it or anything. It's just bread.
Domino's: We're sorry to hear about this!
Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down:/
Customer: Yo, I ordered a pizza & it came with no toppings on it or anything. It's just bread.
Domino's: We're sorry to hear about this!
Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down:/
oldngray
nowhere special
You need to marinate them or they can be pretty tough.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Sex morality
The Dean of Women was introducing the newcomers to the college and thought fit to touch the subject of sex morality:
"In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
At the end of the lecture she asked if there were any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said:
"Could you tell us how you make it last one hour?"...
The Dean of Women was introducing the newcomers to the college and thought fit to touch the subject of sex morality:
"In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
At the end of the lecture she asked if there were any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said:
"Could you tell us how you make it last one hour?"...
moreluck
golden ticket member
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
moreluck
golden ticket member
The Shortest Books Ever Written.
1000 Years of German Humor
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
1000 Years of German Humor
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
moreluck
golden ticket member
President Obama stood by his decision to permit ten thousand Syrian refugees into the country Tuesday despite the threat of easy ISIS infiltration. His own people are uneasy about it. On a scale of risky decisions, this ranks between marrying Charlie Sheen and using Oscar Pistorious's bathroom.
The House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed the bill to toughen the screening process for Middle Easterners coming into the U.S. in the wake of the Paris attacks. Everyone's doing what they can to stay safe. Charlie Sheen announced he will refuse to sleep with any more Syrian refugees.
The U.S. Border Patrol caught Saudis trying to enter Arizona and Syrians trying to enter Texas Friday. There are reports that radical Muslims were planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing anybody who is a U.S. citizen. Police fear that the death toll could be as high as nine, maybe ten.
~Argus Hamilton~
The House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed the bill to toughen the screening process for Middle Easterners coming into the U.S. in the wake of the Paris attacks. Everyone's doing what they can to stay safe. Charlie Sheen announced he will refuse to sleep with any more Syrian refugees.
The U.S. Border Patrol caught Saudis trying to enter Arizona and Syrians trying to enter Texas Friday. There are reports that radical Muslims were planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing anybody who is a U.S. citizen. Police fear that the death toll could be as high as nine, maybe ten.
~Argus Hamilton~
moreluck
golden ticket member
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being outlate the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when Igot home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get intotrouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife waswide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing atme and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when Igot home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get intotrouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife waswide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing atme and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
moreluck
golden ticket member
This is important information
This is important information just in case.
Symptoms of the Bird Flu...
The Center for Disease Control has released a list ofsymptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of thefollowing, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield.
This is important information just in case.
Symptoms of the Bird Flu...
The Center for Disease Control has released a list ofsymptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of thefollowing, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield.
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