One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal

moreluck

golden ticket member
After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally got the ball rolling.

Just after thimbles were invented there was a shortage, so many people got stuck without one.
RB - Norfolk, VA

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.
Abhijeet - New Delhi

I had a novel idea for a new book but got in a bind so I shelved it. It's time to start a new chapter now.
veevee14 - Oregon City, OR
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
The origami artist won the court case because he was good with paperwork.
Abhijeet

The circus performer pulled his trapezius muscles and now he is flying high on pain meds.
Randy - Defiance, OH

When the town removed billboards, they told people that's how it was designed.
Joseph Leff - Florida

Of all sports humor, football is my favorite. I get a kick out of the punts.
thecoast

When a woman returns new clothing, that's post traumatic dress syndrome.
Joseph Leff - Florida

A Hall of Fame recently opened to honor outstanding female soldiers. It was a WAC's Museum.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
LETTERS TO A PASTOR....

**Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

**Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix

**Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Page 11, Anderson

**Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

**Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

**Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

**Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

**Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City

**Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

**Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

**Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

**Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville

**Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina

**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron

**Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
The copyright law is a statute of imitations.
Kevin - Corvallis, OR

The concert violinist believed in exercise, consequently, he was fit as a fiddle.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma

The baseball pitcher's personality needed some polish. He was a diamond in the rough.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma

Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter.
Kap'n Klystron - Newburgh, NY

Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori.
Kap'n Klystron - Newburgh, NY

Cash cows control bull market stocks!
Sivanandan - Sydney
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
The land where movies are made is called reel estate.
Joseph Leff - Florida

Shopaholics never die, they just sale away.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma

Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati.
Kap'n Klystron - Newburgh, NY

During the trial, a lawyer objected to the audiologist's testimony, calling it hearsay.
thull - Arizona

To me the end result of a can-do attitude is positively candid.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
During the trial, a lawyer objected to the audiologist's testimony, calling it hearsay.
thull - Arizona

To me the end result of a can-do attitude is positively candid.
Sivanandan - Sydney

.A silk tie can make a winsome Windsor.
Papa Pete - Texas Hill Country

The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.
RJS - New Zealand

A pun spun with a good yarn gets fabricated!
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
The defendant in a coffee theft trial refused to testify on the grounds that could incriminate him.
Punovitch - Skokie, IL

His job in the city sewers ended when he got smell shock and succumbed in the stenches.
Michael - Auckland New Zealand

I heard Einstein got along well with his parents ... relatively speaking.
Samantha - Highland, NY

What kind of flooring do alligator hunters use? Reptiles!
Toycoon - Skokie

It's tough to know exactly what some philosophers looked like. Sometimes the only way might be to ex-Hume them.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Did you hear about the farmer who got attacked by a cow? He milked it for all it was worth.
Jai Minton - Australia

The trampoline was on sale for fifty per cent off. Needless to say I jumped on the offer.
Frankie Stein Smith

Conjoined twins aren't the only twins with special connections.
Foster W

Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Eddie Punster - United States

The mother kangaroo tried to instill good financial habits in her baby. She told him to pocket all his allowance.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma

The two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma

After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I moved and had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment.
Toycoon - Skokie

I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbor, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
A doctor who became a bartender was always giving out shots!


Tying up a circle may take a lot of chords.
Papa Pete - Texas Hill Country

The author's lawyer defended her rights in the book case.
Papa Pete - Texas Hill Country

'Because' is a word to the whys.
Joseph Leff - Florida

I tried my first soft drink. It was sodalicious!
SippyCup - NowheresVille
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
The portrait artist made extra money as a census taker. He was good at canvasing people.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma

The grammarian was very logical. He had a lot of comma sense
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
A SMILE (B.J. Morbitzer)

A smile cost nothing, but gives so much. It enriches those who receive it, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it. A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
The grammarian was very logical. He had a lot of comma sense.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma


The most popular operation for orthopaedic surgeons is upper-leg surgery: very hip.
RJS - New Zealand

The gunman took a shot at new opportunities.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Hillbilly Herman was drafted, and on his first day as an enlisted man he was given a comb; the next day the army barber sheared off his hair. On the third day he was given a toothbrush, the next day the army dentist yanked several of his teeth. On the fifth day he was given a jockstrap; that afternoon Herman went AWOL.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
My new girlfriend and I are moving together into a tree house, I hope we won't fall out.
SBA - Uganda

Our Boy Scouts' knot-tying class went off without a hitch.

Even covered in salad dressing my lettuce looked bare, so I put some cloves on it.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof.
Kap'n Klystron - Newburgh, NY



A no-fly zone prohibits zippers.
Joseph Leff - Florida

The landscaper thought gardening magazines were fun to leaf through.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma

The Chinese chef maliciously dumped a hot broth with dumplings on an obnoxious customer. It was a wanton soup attack.

Rob R - B'albin NY
The soprano was very optimistic and always left her friends on a high note.
Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
BOOK TITLES .........


HOW TO WRITE BIG BOOKS by Warren Peace

I LOST MY BALANCE by Eileen Dover and Phil Down

THE GERMAN BANK ROBBERY by Hans Zupp

I HATE THE SUN by Gladys Knight

PRISON SECURITY by Barb Dwyer
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
Not-so-elderly lady: Well, Doctor, I guess I've reached that awkward age.

Doctor: What do you mean?

Lady: Too young for Medicare, and too old for men to care!
 
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