The Internal Memo: Dave to Fred

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Jun 1, 2014.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Fred,

    I'm at the Maui house if you need to call me back...and I think you should. If you're too busy at the DC Party House with all of the Senators, get back to me tomorrow. Matt's in the Hamptons this week, so maybe we can do a conference call.

    Here's my point. Remember the consulting team we hired last year. Yes, the one you fired after a week because they weren't saying the right things? Fred...maybe they were right. Maybe we do need to change some things at Express. You and I both know we're not going to make your $1.7B promise to Wall Street...I know you'll lie and say we did, but you and I both know better. Sooner or later, the lid is going to come off and it's going to smell...bad.

    At some stations, turnover is running around 50%, and among new hires it is much worse. DRA has created massive inefficiency and overtime, and our budgeted hours are through the roof. Plus, the natives are getting restless if you know what I mean. I saw Jim Hoffa when I was at my Aspen home last month, and he assures me the Teamsters are 100% with us...they won't even answer phone calls from employees at FedEx. Jim's a good guy, and well worth what we're paying him.

    But we've been raping the hourlies for years, and I think they're getting mad. The Kennesaw incident gave us some bad press, and the Orland crash has the public looking at us hard. Maybe we should make a few changes. I'm thinking doubling the BBQ budget and a 1% raise next October....glad you liked my idea to push raises back further each year!!

    I'll be at my Jackson Hole home next week. Maybe you and Matt can take the Gulfstream and come out for a week. Dick Cheney says he'll come over and give us some advice, and Mitch McConnell and John Boehner will come if we give each of them a million. I think it would be money well-spent, Fred.

    We've got to move on this, Fred, because my mistress and I have 2 weeks planned at my home in the south of France at the end of June. The wife thinks I'm going to a "European Conference". A few Republican bigwigs are going to drop-by for a couple of days, so I'm going to be passing out some gifts. We might even get a few Democrats to show.

    Finally, a lot of employees think we are out of touch and only into enriching ourselves. Can you believe that? Ungrateful bastards!! Hey, I'll call you from the GOP luau tonight, OK? I'll be passing out $5M, which should keep us safe for now. After the party we're going aboard my new yacht, which was just delivered from the shipyard in Taiwan....175 feet long, with a helipad, a pool, and a killer bar with disco dance floor. I got it for a cool $450M....a bargain!! But they messed-up on the gold toilets...they forgot to plate the seats.

    Sincerely,
    Dave
     
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    Last edited: Jun 1, 2014
  2. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    Just another day in " The lifestyles of the rich and famous". But anyway, the ones of us on the front line saw this coming. No one was asking to be paid 100,000 a year to deliver boxes for 10 hours a day but take away after take away have left the mid rangers with the mentality of " Just do enough" and nothing more while the top payers have been doing like ever since they topped out and the new comers don't care about urgency at all. More worried about taking on their cell phones while driving or trying to get the phone number of that cute girl at the front counter. And if talking to the girl gets them too far behind during pickups...so what. Just go to the back of the truck a grab two letters from a bulk stop that weren't scanned for this very purpose. Scan one of those two letters for one PU stop. Then wait 10 minutes and scan the other letter for another PU stop. Now The sweet talker is back on schedule with two less pu's to go to. What? What happens if the customer calls in and says nobody came by today for PU? Nothing! All parties involved know if the driver doesn't come by a certain time, the customer will end up driving to Kinkos themselves.
    And Yes, Dra has created so much OVertime it's scary. Can you imagine a manager coming up to a courier who's about to hit 50 hours for the week and asking him if he wants to help out on Saturday? It's crazy. The OT is a big reason our station has quieted down about the constant changes.
     
  3. Slick silver

    Slick silver Active Member

    Sounds like my usual week, except i always make commit times still. I have got a few numbers though. I guess the perks of being single. Yeah you get to 50 hrs and you just laugh when a manager ask on Friday at 4 pm to come in on Saturday morning.


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  4. TheJackal

    TheJackal Active Member

  5. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Yes, you bore me too.
     
  6. Operational needs

    Operational needs Well-Known Member

    [​IMG]Funny
     
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  7. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    Can't wait for the frontline pep talk from the head Panda
     
  8. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    I think they would get a more attentive audience with a talking panda. It's a real chore to stay awake through an entire frontline episode.
     
  9. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    MT3 in a panda suit then?
    He probably still has one from clubin in the 70s.
     
  10. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    I thought Panda switched to DHL?
     
  11. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    I guess all the good endangered species are taken.
     
  12. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Give it a few years---you can then add "FT Express Courier" to that list.
     
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  13. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    And the "customer service" will go with them.
     
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  14. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    According to folks around here, that left long ago.
     
  15. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Thornton has no business doing frontline. He's doing it in an ill-suited attempt to get more productivity from the workforce when in essence it's doing just the opposite. Nobody gives a damn what he's got to say and hasn't for a long time. Gina Young was a far better host.
     
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  16. Operational needs

    Operational needs Well-Known Member

    She probably meant to say, whatever customer service that is LEFT will go with them.
     
  17. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    Customers hoping, not expecting, their packages will be on time. Customers hoping, not expecting, they'll get their packages on the day they're due. Today's customer fall into one of those categories. When the company gets the type of employee they have in mind, expect Nationwide package theft to rise like never before. Things will be so bad, it will be nightly news. Some investigative reporter will take on the task of why and when did this company fall so far. With the help of silhouetted-muffed voiced ex-employees, he'll put together the dots . It'll be a story on par with flight MH370. Anderson Cooper will be in his 60's, standing in front of a camera with the backdrop of "The Neo employee" jumping into a deliver truck with his pants hanging off his arse and a tatted neck with the name of his hometown. Something that never had to happen IMO.
     
  18. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    I think they've extracted their last mile of PR out of the panda. My bet is that Polar Bears will replace them since their plight is synched with climate change/global warming. And since a huge fleet of vehicles and jets spewing out various greenhouse gases and toxic emissions is totally green (Fred says so), we are saving those precious bears. See?
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2014
  19. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

  20. Route 66

    Route 66 Flacid Member

    FedEx's "good community neighbor" schtick only goes as far as whatever $ return they feel they can squeeze out of it has been totally exhausted.