The New PSM Policy

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Aug 22, 2012.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear FedEx Team,

    I am very excited to announce that the PSP Policy has now been replaced with the PSM Policy, effective October 1st. Simply put, PSM means People Serving MT3, or People Serving Me, if you prefer. Either is fine, but I prefer the first form. Anyway, back to my favorite subject...me, Matthew Thornton the Third, Esq, PTSD, STD, FACS, BS.

    Hopefully, you all realize just how important I am, and that you need to serve me at all times. It's also important to do as I say, not as I do, because that would be bad. Don't ask me why...just work as directed, and make lots of profit...for me.

    First, FedEx needs to innovate, and move in a new direction, and that direction is backwards, whereupon the top executives at FedEx get everything, and you get nothing. Work harder, for less, and like it...or else. Got it? In fact, I've replaced Fred's old slogan "Work Smarter, Not Harder". with my own, which is "Be a :censored2:, and Listen To MT3". Just joking...it's really "Work Harder, For Less", kind of like WalMart. Like it?

    Second, we all need to conserve and be more green at FedEx. That's why I commute from Chicago to Memphis every day in one of our corporate jets. Just me and the pilots...see, People Serving MT3!! Same goes for Benson, who drives me in a limo from my swanky Chicago home, and Dano, who picks me up in Memphis. Again, People Serving Me!! It's all good.

    Third, I can really relate to all of the minority workers at FedEx, whom I exploit endlessly because I can. Fred thinks I'm "down" with minority employees, and he's right, because I'm the example they all aspire (ASPIRE..get it?) to. So whenever I go on Frontline, it's all about me, getting down with the employees and letting them know how cool I am and how well I communicate with lowly hourly scum. I know you all love me, because every time my limo drives by you sweating in the cans, you all raise your hand and tell me that I'm Number One!!! How cool is that?

    Actually, a lot of folks call me Number Two, but I don't get it, because Dave Bronczek is Number Two, right? And you love him too...I just know it.

    Well, I've got to go practice my hand motions and especially my hand-wringing, because come October 1st, I've got to be perfect while I lie my ass off to you about how we're insourcing your jobs to Ground. Man, I am in the money when that happens!!!!$$$$$$

    With Highest Regards,

    MT3
     
  2. Mr Fedex

    Mr Fedex Banned

    I expected more from you MFE
     
  3. Express Courier

    Express Courier Active Member

    I dunno why I even look.

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  4. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    Third, I can really relate to all of the minority workers at FedEx, whom I exploit endlessly because I can. Fred thinks I'm "down" with minority employees, and he's right, because I'm the example they all aspire (ASPIRE..get it?) to. So whenever I go on Frontline, it's all about me, getting down with the employees

    Well that certainly explains all that "hand jive".
     
  5. I Am Jacks Damaged Box

    I Am Jacks Damaged Box Well-Known Member

    Technically, that is still putting people first. Well played MT3.
     
  6. Mr Fedex

    Mr Fedex Banned

    FedEx is racist?
     
  7. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Sometimes less is more. Glad you love MT3. I do not.
     
  8. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    LOLOLOL
     
  9. DS

    DS Fenderbender

    MrFedEx
    You whine and cry about things to the point of next to mutiny.
    Sure we bitch at ups about stuff but sometimes I think you go too far.
    You've been here a long time man,open a Tim Hortons and quit.
    Or come on over to ups and work as directed with us.
     
  10. zapmail

    zapmail New Member

    ...once around the block Jeeves..then Old Country Buffet on the double..it' STEAK NIGHT!!!!!!
     
  11. XFILED

    XFILED Member

    Mutiny..lol....Gets me thinking of Mutiny on the Bounty....
    "Any fool can steer a ship, sir. It's just knowing where to take it." MT3 to the fullest!!
     
  12. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    You don't get it. UPS is nothing like FedEx in terms of what we are talking about.