UPS "MAN LAWS"

[ragu]

5) Do not roll up the sleeves on your uniform. You are not buff and you just look gay. If you are buff, you still look gay.

Good luck trying to make this fly here in Metro NJ, where over half the drivers look gay on a daily basis.

P.S. STOP THE FLAMING ALREADY!!!!!!!

 

[BROWN OBSERVER]

TRY TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE WHEN A WOMAN ANSWERS THE DOOR WITH A MARIAH CAREY BODY AND A PHYLISS DILLER FACE.....YIKES..

 

[speeddemon]

Always make the lady mowing her grass in a thong sign for her stuff!

 

[disneyworld]

What's up with the FEDEX guy trying to hijack your post?

 

[scratch]

FEDEX guy posted first, then UPS "Man Laws" posted the same thing claiming to be a UPS driver. They must be the same poster. Do Fedex drivers do the same as us?

 

[dammor]

Sorry to rain on your parade Mr Man, but real men care more about their wife and kids than a bozo in a thong. I realize this reality is disturbing these days to some, but it's still a fact. When you are 60 you will find the women you are dogging will wish you would go away. Your wife and kids if treated right will wipe your butt and still love you. Your choice....

 

[ups "man laws"]

Boy, I'm sorry about that. My original screen name was " FEDEX" but when I posted this thread it didn't show up so I assumed it was because of the offensive screen name. I changed my name to ups "man laws" and had to re-write all of it. My first name was changed to just FEDEX by the administrator. Whatever, just keep up the good work and I will choose about 10 of the best and then re-write them on a seperate thread ready for printing and distribution. And yes I am a ups driver.

Here is a couple more:

1) Empty Gatorade bottles make excellent bathrooms.

2) You need to arm yourself with some witty comebacks to throw at the jerk customers. Just ask a few veteran drivers and they will help you.

Hey dammor, I never said it all had to be sexual stuff. It's just for fun so take that righteous stuff and shove it.

 

[palguy]

Always take advantage of the free candy on the desks.

 

[driverfollowup]

When a fine girl signs your diad and asks "1st and last last name?"
don't forget to say "and phone number"

 

[dammor]

Shove it? Sorry if I hit a nerve. I was just trying to SAVE YOU FROM GOING TO HELL. Now that's funny. Kiss your wife and kids and go to bed.

 

[ups "man laws"]

Shove it? Sorry if I hit a nerve. I was just trying to SAVE YOU FROM GOING TO HELL. Now that's funny. Kiss your wife and kids and go to bed.

WTF? I think you belong over here buddy: Gospelcom.net: An alliance of over 300 online Christian ministries
You want me to kiss my wife? I'm too busy kissing yours right now. Now thats funny!

 

[disneyworld]

Never lose your composure when a women signs for a package and her last name is GREATHEAD

 

[wannabeups]

I invite all of my fellow UPS drivers to join me in the creation of the first ever list of UPS "MAN LAWS" Ups "man laws" are the rules that us males have come to realize over the years. Unfortunately we are so busy that we usually don't have time to teach and educate are "brothers" and our newly appointed drivers. Until now! Let us compile a list and I will then re-write these laws on a seperate thread so we may print and distribute our knowledge to everyone! I feel 1 week is enough time to give us your best "rules" so get started.............me first:

1) Victoria Secret bags are always signature required.

2) Lane Bryant bags are always driver released.

3) Strip clubs. Simply walk into a strip club with any letter from your truck and tell the bouncer you need a sig. from the manager. While he fetches the manager, enjoy the view. Once the manager comes simply say "ooops, this isn't 123 Main St. Sorry!"

4) If you have a cute secretary on your route: Keep the chit-chat to a minimum. Stay just long enough to make her laugh but not long enough to turn into the "creepy UPS guy".

5) Do not roll up the sleeves on your uniform. You are not buff and you just look gay. If you are buff, you still look gay.

6) Don't wear shorts so small and tight that they could double as spandex

Please continue.................

I have to roll my sleeves up. Arms are 19" cold and 20" when pumped. They chafe the heck out of me if I don't

 

[beefbag]

Make sure socks are rolled down!!!!!!!!!

 

[rod]

Little yappy dogs make great footballs when kicked properly.

 

[jason67rs]

When you go up to the customer and they ask what is it? Tell them you only open the good stuff and this package didn't interest you.

 

[browndude]

when asked is it a bomb tell them to give you 5 minutes before they open it just in case.

 

[browndude]

when asked is it my million dollars tell them if it was i probably wouldn't have been here today

 

[browndude]

always make sure to tell them to clarify their last name by speaking slowly into the speaker on the diad

 

[disneyworld]

when asked is it a bomb tell them to give you 5 minutes before they open it just in case.

I always say" I don't know but don't open until after I leave". I wish I had a buck for every time I heard that one.