Wally's Primer on Common Helper Psychological Haplotypes and Personalities

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Wally, Nov 16, 2013.

  1. Wally

    Wally Hailing from Parts Unknown.

    After many years of working with Drivers Helpers, I feel comfortable in sharing some observations. Patterns suggest we can group them into key groups. Of course, I'm not a psychologist, nor, do I play one on TV, however, having said that, here are my observations in no special order.

    The Collegiate- The "collegiate" is a college student. Home from break, he is eager to earn money. Smart, young, and hard working, this type makes a excellent helper. They pick up fast and need little guidance. They adjust rapidly making smart calls such as moving toward the truck and waiting on the right side of the street saving the driver time.

    The MOM- The "Mom" often is a stay at home mom with children now at the age where she can leave them alone for some time. The job of helper seems exciting, fun, even challenging. She often shows up wearing makeup and perfume, and the pants never seem to fit right. She will start the day asking, "what time will we be done"(?), worried that she has to be home by 5 PM to drive little ones to ballet or hockey. The "Mom talks all day about her kids until the driver is stabbing his ears. This helper type often packs huge lunches and goodies.

    The Drifter- The "Drifter" has had at least 20 jobs even thought he is only 24 years old. Under closer examination, you will find he left those jobs because the boss was "screwing" him somehow. The drifter works slow, very slow. Quite often, this type will walk the wrong way while making a delivery despite you pointing the opposite direction. He will not show during inclement weather or in case of hangover. Despite lack of funds, this type has a nice cell phone which, he will try to use all day. He can be spotted driving a 15 year old car with major dents.

    Lost in Space- This type thinks somehow, this job will lead to full time employment. They work as a helper but keep wondering when they will start driving.

    Sports Radio- This type very quickly will talk sports, usually football this time of the year. Before long, an amazing reportorial of facts, stats, and names come forth. No need for a radio with this type. This type can be a good worker, but the driver must be sure to halt any and all chat at delivery time.

    False Santa- Somehow, this type thinks they can earn a whole lot of shopping money with this job. Problem is, they start in mid December. They usually had the idea of working more hours to earn the money they need.

    Nick O' Teen- This type really loves the coffin nails. Often seen getting "one last drag" at pick up. His first words will be, "Can I smoke"? Often, this type is a off shoot of "The Drifter" type. Despite lack of funds, there is always money for the cell phone and the smokes.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2013
  2. pickup

    pickup Well-Known Member

    The above is such a great post, it could be an article in a magazine or newspaper. Nice job, Wally. I really enjoyed your post.
  3. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    I have been fortunate in that I have had several collegiate helpers.

    I have also found that helper performance is in direct ratio to driver performance.
  4. pickup

    pickup Well-Known Member

    Hey Wally, how does the Sports Guy do when it comes to doing the job? Is there a general rule for him?
  5. HubBub

    HubBub Active Member

    You forgot about the post-seasonal PT'er desperate to milk the clock at top scale driver pay. Sometimes confusing to drivers who make that money every day of the year and have forgotten how good they have it. (can't wait till I'm one of those drivers btw).
  6. TooTechie

    TooTechie Geek in Brown

    Great post
  7. upschuck

    upschuck Well-Known Member

    In my driving career, I too have been fortunate with those collegiate helpers.

    I have had a couple of the Drifter type but didn't last long with me, because I've found that driver performance is direct ratio to helper performance. Usually had better helper the next day.
  8. Ms.PacMan

    Ms.PacMan Well-Known Member

    I had a new type last year

    The Welfare Mom
    -She's a combination of the Mom and the Drifter and like the Collegiate has $25,000 in student loans but hasn't managed to earn any college credits. She had to take the gig to keep her welfare bennies. She doesn't need extra Christmas money because she gets to go on a toy shopping spree thanks to the Salvation Army and Target. She wonders what's in every package. She talks incessantly about the drama in her life and wants your opinion. She stays in contact with her peeps texting all day and has to be home by 5pm because her baby daddy, who's watching the kids, thinks this is bull and is leaving at 5 whether she's home or not.
  9. browndingo

    browndingo Member

    The Lost in Space guys crack me up, but you have to feel kind of sorry for them. I always tell them that driver helper is a temporary job and doesn't get their foot in the door, but that doing well as a driver helper doesn't hurt when you go to apply for a permanent position. There are two pre-loaders at my center who were driver helpers first.

    Out here in the sticks we have the redneck version of the Collegiate which I guess you could call the Farm Boy. A year or two out of high school, these kids were raised on long hours of work in all kinds of weather. Carrying a 30-lb box in 30-degrees is their idea of a vacation compared to lifting 100-lb feed sacks in 10 degrees at 4 a.m. They're always on time, and they know how to dress warmly.
  10. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    Hilarious and absolutely true. This thread ought to be a sticky!
  11. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    I only had about 1 Farm Boy, and yes he wasn't the smartest guy around but a good hard worker. I usually got Ghetto Boy, who was almost useless.
  12. MassWineGuy

    MassWineGuy Active Member

    I thought of myself as an older version of the collegiate helper. If I get a helper this year on my route, he or she better not even think of smoking within 50 yards of my package car.
  13. jumpman23

    jumpman23 Oh Yeah

    ditto good shiznitt
  14. jaker

    jaker trolling

    I love when I get the sports guys , I shut them up quickly because I don't watch sports or even keep up with sports
  15. barnyard

    barnyard KTM rider Staff Member

    My 2 best helpers that do not fit the above. Both were laid off computer IT guys that were training for their next gigs and were on break from college. They both figured out the board very quickly, worked at the perfect speed and we had very enjoyable conversations all day long (they were both my age.)

    My other favorites were farmers. Worked hard, great conversations, could not figure out the board.

    I really wanted my daughter to be my helper one year, but she does not get enough time off.
  16. bleedinbrown58

    bleedinbrown58 mouth breathers...everywhere

    Helper....your route??....your package car?? I love how you think you actually work here....lol. Sorry, but damn dude..... lol. Wally, awesome post......good stuff.
  17. Anonymous 10

    Anonymous 10 Guest

    Great great thread. It cracked me up and made me reflect back. Thank you
  18. MassWineGuy

    MassWineGuy Active Member

    In those 15 minutes that I'm behind the wheel, it's definitely my package car.
  19. Brownslave688

    Brownslave688 You want a toe? I can get you a toe.

    The farm boy also bitches all day about wearing their seat belt. I had had a few of them.
  20. Arty S.

    Arty S. New Member

    There are two helpers:

    1) The kind who quit before the first paycheck because the work is too hard.

    2) The kind who quit after their first paycheck because the pay is too low.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List