 Outsource the Presidency
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington , DC, November 2, 2009
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States
of America will be out sourced to India as of November 30, 2009.
The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly
salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and
related
overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wa).
"We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level
of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations
for the job move have been underway for some time
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai
India,
will assume the office of President as of December 1, 2009. Mr. Singh
was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls , NY , thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other
benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. (That alone would save
millions)
Due to the time difference between the US and India , he will be
working
primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at
the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive
interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should
not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues
either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "Obama has used them successfully for years, with the
result
that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final
day of employment. Following a 2-week waiting period, he will be
eligible
for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed limit.
Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc..
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime.
A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
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