Fearless Leader Speaks

MrFedEx · 05-29-2009, 03:37 PM

Dear Team,

I've just had a look at the preliminary SFA results, and it isn't pretty. We're down across the board because you ungrateful SOB's don't realize everything I do to make your work life better. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna lie, and not just the usual ones. This year is going to be a whopper!!!

We'll say we're "up" in every category, and make it seem like you don't really want a union even though everything in the SFA says that you do. You're too dumb to realize it, but that's the only reason we administer it every year. The SFA is really a tool we use to measure how pissed-off you are and how much we can get away with before you call BS on us and go Teamster.

As usual, we'll release the true numbers for your managers, so they can take the heat instead of us and work even longer hours than they already do. Heck, we're getting 2 employees for 1 paycheck for most of them, since most Ops managers are defacto couriers anyway!

Those Democratic Socialist Commies in the White House don't like my money as much as Bush did, so I'm going to have to pull even more dirty tricks out of my butt so I can get my way, kind of like that little runt in North Korea who's always threatening to do something bad if he doesn't get his way. Are you listening, Boeing? I've tried to hire him, but he doesn't like Memphis (can you blame him?).

Anyway, I've got to go now so I can catch a flight to Washington to bribe some of my favorite Senators. Keep up the Purple Promise behavior, and I'll be talking to you soon.

Love,
Fred

Testicular Fortitude · 05-29-2009, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFedEx

Dear Team,

I've just had a look at the preliminary SFA results, and it isn't pretty. We're down across the board because you ungrateful SOB's don't realize everything I do to make your work life better. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna lie, and not just the usual ones. This year is going to be a whopper!!!

We'll say we're "up" in every category, and make it seem like you don't really want a union even though everything in the SFA says that you do. You're too dumb to realize it, but that's the only reason we administer it every year. The SFA is really a tool we use to measure how pissed-off you are and how much we can get away with before you call BS on us and go Teamster.

As usual, we'll release the true numbers for your managers, so they can take the heat instead of us and work even longer hours than they already do. Heck, we're getting 2 employees for 1 paycheck for most of them, since most Ops managers are defacto couriers anyway!

Those Democratic Socialist Commies in the White House don't like my money as much as Bush did, so I'm going to have to pull even more dirty tricks out of my butt so I can get my way, kind of like that little runt in North Korea who's always threatening to do something bad if he doesn't get his way. Are you listening, Boeing? I've tried to hire him, but he doesn't like Memphis (can you blame him?).

Anyway, I've got to go now so I can catch a flight to Washington to bribe some of my favorite Senators. Keep up the Purple Promise behavior, and I'll be talking to you soon.

Love,
Fred

Hey Fred,your illegitimate son Cletus gave you and Fedex a very high S F A.I have not taken the SFA in years and do not ever intend to.As you stated it does not mean a DAMM thing.Among other useless and worthless things besides you and all your corporate honchos are the PSP PHILOSOPHY and the PURPLE PROMISE.Why dont you do all the Fedex workers a giant favor and retire.

MrFedEx · 05-29-2009, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Testicular Fortitude

Hey Fred,your illegitimate son Cletus gave you and Fedex a very high S F A.I have not taken the SFA in years and do not ever intend to.As you stated it does not mean a DAMM thing.Among other useless and worthless things besides you and all your corporate honchos are the PSP PHILOSOPHY and the PURPLE PROMISE.Why dont you do all the Fedex workers a giant favor and retire.

I can't retire because my employees love me so much.

jimstud · 05-30-2009, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFedEx

Dear Team,

I've just had a look at the preliminary SFA results, and it isn't pretty. We're down across the board because you ungrateful SOB's don't realize everything I do to make your work life better. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna lie, and not just the usual ones. This year is going to be a whopper!!!

We'll say we're "up" in every category, and make it seem like you don't really want a union even though everything in the SFA says that you do. You're too dumb to realize it, but that's the only reason we administer it every year. The SFA is really a tool we use to measure how pissed-off you are and how much we can get away with before you call BS on us and go Teamster.

As usual, we'll release the true numbers for your managers, so they can take the heat instead of us and work even longer hours than they already do. Heck, we're getting 2 employees for 1 paycheck for most of them, since most Ops managers are defacto couriers anyway!

Those Democratic Socialist Commies in the White House don't like my money as much as Bush did, so I'm going to have to pull even more dirty tricks out of my butt so I can get my way, kind of like that little runt in North Korea who's always threatening to do something bad if he doesn't get his way. Are you listening, Boeing? I've tried to hire him, but he doesn't like Memphis (can you blame him?).

Anyway, I've got to go now so I can catch a flight to Washington to bribe some of my favorite Senators. Keep up the Purple Promise behavior, and I'll be talking to you soon.

Love,
Fred

please tell us how you really feel

MrFedEx · 05-30-2009, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimstud

please tell us how you really feel

If Fred ran UPS, you would understand.

MrFedEx · 05-31-2009, 10:41 PM

After I win my RLA exemption again, I'm going to take over UPS and then start a Scientology Colony in New Guinea with Tom Cruise. Watch me baby, you ain't seen nothin' from Fred yet. I've got friends in high places and a checkbook that just won't quit. Why do you think I fly those big-shot Congress members all over the world in my fleet of lavishly appointed jets?

Heck, I just don't own my employees, I own this whole country because I'm freakin' Fred Smith, God's gift to capitalism.

MrFedEx · 06-01-2009, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Testicular Fortitude

Hey Fred,your illegitimate son Cletus gave you and Fedex a very high S F A.I have not taken the SFA in years and do not ever intend to.As you stated it does not mean a DAMM thing.Among other useless and worthless things besides you and all your corporate honchos are the PSP PHILOSOPHY and the PURPLE PROMISE.Why dont you do all the Fedex workers a giant favor and retire.

hey you are making me very angrry at making fun of mr Smith. Its peeple lik you that are bringing this grate company down!!! psp is a grate thing and its reely bad you dont apprecaite all of the things fred does for you lik the pppp plan. hey buddy!! I live the purple promis every singl day and to think that you want this grate american leeder to retir and go away maks me reely sad and angry and mad. I bet you dont even turn in sales leeds so we can take away all thos pakcages from those bad Teemster peeple at ups who are all liberels and hate the Usa.

You go Fred!!! god is on your side and so am i so you will reely win big in your battl against thsoe commie bad guys. i gave grate marks to you on the sFa and i know everyone else did to. You rok and mak me a happy currier every day!!!

Your freind.
Cletus Dumas

FedEx All the Way! · 06-02-2009, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFedEx

Dear Team,

I've just had a look at the preliminary SFA results, and it isn't pretty. We're down across the board because you ungrateful SOB's don't realize everything I do to make your work life better. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna lie, and not just the usual ones. This year is going to be a whopper!!!

We'll say we're "up" in every category, and make it seem like you don't really want a union even though everything in the SFA says that you do. You're too dumb to realize it, but that's the only reason we administer it every year. The SFA is really a tool we use to measure how pissed-off you are and how much we can get away with before you call BS on us and go Teamster.

As usual, we'll release the true numbers for your managers, so they can take the heat instead of us and work even longer hours than they already do. Heck, we're getting 2 employees for 1 paycheck for most of them, since most Ops managers are defacto couriers anyway!

Those Democratic Socialist Commies in the White House don't like my money as much as Bush did, so I'm going to have to pull even more dirty tricks out of my butt so I can get my way, kind of like that little runt in North Korea who's always threatening to do something bad if he doesn't get his way. Are you listening, Boeing? I've tried to hire him, but he doesn't like Memphis (can you blame him?).

Anyway, I've got to go now so I can catch a flight to Washington to bribe some of my favorite Senators. Keep up the Purple Promise behavior, and I'll be talking to you soon.

Love,
Fred

While you catch the flight to Washington, please take one of your employees (so called MrFedEx) with you and stay there. Unionization is not needed here!
Later.

FedEx All the Way! · 06-02-2009, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFedEx

hey you are making me very angrry at making fun of mr Smith. Its peeple lik you that are bringing this grate company down!!! psp is a grate thing and its reely bad you dont apprecaite all of the things fred does for you lik the pppp plan. hey buddy!! I live the purple promis every singl day and to think that you want this grate american leeder to retir and go away maks me reely sad and angry and mad. I bet you dont even turn in sales leeds so we can take away all thos pakcages from those bad Teemster peeple at ups who are all liberels and hate the Usa.

You go Fred!!! god is on your side and so am i so you will reely win big in your battl against thsoe commie bad guys. i gave grate marks to you on the sFa and i know everyone else did to. You rok and mak me a happy currier every day!!!

Your freind.
Cletus Dumas

If it's so bad and unfair- go find another job-- real simple-- I hear GM has a strong union !!

MrFedEx · 06-02-2009, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FedEx All the Way!

If it's so bad and unfair- go find another job-- real simple-- I hear GM has a strong union !!

It's too bad you're married. You and Cletus are made for each other.

Testicular Fortitude · 06-07-2009, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFedEx

It's too bad you're married. You and Cletus are made for each other.

They were married at one time years ago.After the judge said they were now divorced Cletus asked the judge if he Cletus and Fedex all the way were still brother and sister.

MrFedEx · 06-07-2009, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Testicular Fortitude

They were married at one time years ago.After the judge said they were now divorced Cletus asked the judge if he Cletus and Fedex all the way were still brother and sister.

hey buddie, you had bedder stop that kind of talk or i'm gonna get madd. you just dont appreciaute what a grate company FedEx is. here in Arkansaw, Fred Smith is a god becasue he is so grate and working for him is way bedder then Walmart. Heckfire, when my baby was born with 7 tows on each foot and a tale, Fred paid the doktor most of the Bill. Signa is just as grate as Fred is and they rok!!!