Good Quotes Part Deux

[moreluck]

"Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun."


"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall."


"It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed."


"A person's life has greater meaning if they are reaching out and striving for their goals."


"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground."

[moreluck]

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

A food manufacturer has come up with a way to make a fortune; he's putting out a breakfast food that drains the energy from kids.


"Today, there are three kinds of people: the have's, the have- not's, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have's."

In this country the Constitution guarantees your right to free speech, but it doesn't guarantee that you'll have any listeners.


Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.

[moreluck]

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." (Irish Proverb)

If men don't like women who are plastic and shallow, why is there a market for inflatable dolls?

Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions, everyone but the school bus driver.

I consider sex a misdemeanor, the more I miss, de meaner I get.
- Mae West -

One day, your life will flash in front of your eyes... Make it worth watching.

[moreluck]

Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.

There's no big secret about being a success. Did you ever know any successful individual who didn't tell you about it?

Sign outside a very caring British pub: "Do not drop your cigarette butt on the floor. It burns the hands and knees of customers when they leave."

What's the difference between a musician and a fourteen-inch pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.

[moreluck]

If your baby is "Beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma.


"There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day -- it's just that that's when they make doughnuts. ~Kathy Griffin~


"Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night."

Do you think it's okay to have sex before you're married, Father John?
Not if it delays the ceremony.

[moreluck]

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. An most importantly, cookies.

"There is always one more imbecile than you counted on."

It's a proven fact that women grow more definite as they age and men become more tentative.

A rumor is going around that Conrad Hilton was planning to buy the Leaning Tower of Pisa, convert it into a hotel, and call it the Tiltin Hilton.

[moreluck]

"The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill." ~Peter Ustinov~

I don't know why people complain about secondhand smoke. At nearly three dollars a pack, don't they realize how much money they're saving? ~Dennis Miller~

I have a warm feeling after playing with my grandchildren. It's the liniment working.

When I was growing up, we ate what was on the table and then asked, "What was it?"

[moreluck]

Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

Laugh every day - it's like inner jogging.

The most important things in your home are the people.

[moreluck]

In his nineties, George Burns said, "Everybody thinks all I do is stand up and tell jokes. The jokes are easy; it's the standing up that's hard."


I have just been in Beijing and found out where the best Chinese food is. It's in New York City!


Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.

[moreluck]

Why is it that if a man actively pursues a woman he's romantic, but if a woman actively pursues a man she's desperate?

America has drive-in theaters, drive-in supermarkets, drive-in restaurants, and drive-in banks. What it needs now are more drive-in parking places.

Little Billy: What did Adam and Eve look like?
Minister: Adam was handsome and Eve was beautiful.
Little Billy: Then where do all the ugly people come from?

Nostalgia is often the longing for things you couldn't stand thirty years ago.

My advice is my daily motto: "Give up the quest for perfection and shoot for five good minutes in a row."

Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?

[moreluck]

We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.


If child rearing is the most important job in the world, why is it an unpaid position?


Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.


A moose is an animal with horns on the front of his head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.


Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing.

[moreluck]

Life begins when a person first realizes how soon it will end.

TV comic George Gobel: The National Safety Council estimated that 354 people would be killed in traffic accidents over the holiday weekend. So far only 172 have been killed. Some of you folks aren't trying."


In an autocracy one person has his way; in an aristocracy a few people have their way; in a democracy no one has his way. -Celia Green, Philosopher


A woman could look like Godzilla, but if she's got blond hair and a miniskirt, men start walking into walls.

[moreluck]

Education enables a person to get into more intelligent trouble.

No matter how many Christmas cards you send out, the first one you get is from someone you missed.

An informal survey shows that what most people want for Christmas is two more weeks to prepare for it.

[moreluck]

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his.


What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. An most importantly, cookies.


"There is always one more imbecile than you counted on."


It's a proven fact that women grow more definite as they age and men become more tentative.


A rumor is going around that Conrad Hilton was planning to buy the Leaning Tower of Pisa, convert it into a hotel, and call it the Tiltin Hilton.

[moreluck]

One friend to another, "My wife thinks I put football before our marriage, even though we just celebrated our third season together."

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small compared to what lies within us."

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

"Great work is done by people who are not afraid to be great."

[moreluck]

Political candidates get really mad if the votes are counted wrong. They seek retallyation.

Old fisherman never die, they just smell that way.

Show me a stolen sausage and I'll show you a missing link.

Doctor! Doctor! Will this ointment clear up my spots? Oh, I never make rash promises.

Driving is like baseball. It's the number of times you reach home safely that count.

[moreluck]

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.


What would you do if you were surrounded by 20 tigers and 19 lions? Get off the Merry Go Round.


You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you.

[moreluck]

"I like cats....I just can't eat a whole one by myself."

"I'll have a cafe', mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please."

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."

"Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion."

"Heavily medicated for your safety."

[moreluck]

"My sister has the best sister in the whole world."

"I'm so far over the hill I've started up the next one."

"Here I am, now what are your other 2 wishes?"

"I'm not obsessive compulsive....I'm super meticulous."

"Just another poo-flingin' day in the jungle."

[moreluck]

Little boy to playmate: "Best Christmas I ever had, I didn't get one thing I really needed."

What's the difference between Jews and Christians?
Jews get really angry, but Christians just get a little cross.

"Yo Fish !! Bite me."

"To learn anything, you must first admit you don't know everything."

[moreluck]

To the world, you may be one person. but, to one person, you may be the world.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.

"Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone." (Jim Fiebig)

[moreluck]

"You have only one life. Move forward and don't look back. You can't change what is already done." (Leroy "Jack" Reeves)

A passion for politics stems usually from an insatiable need, either for power, or for friendship and adulation, or a combination of both.


Contentment has one big advantage over wealth: friends don't try to borrow it from you.


What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless.

[moreluck]

"Discover wildlife...........Teach school !"

"In war, there are no unwounded soldiers." (José Narosky)

If men liked shopping, they'd call it research.

[moreluck]

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.

Staying within the speed limit is easy when we're going to the dentist.

A man is usually as young as he feels but seldom as important.

[dilligaf]

A TRIBUTE TO A MAN WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE

BOB HOPE

May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70 'You still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100' I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon . Then it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING'I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'

ON GOLF'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'


ON PRESIDENTS' I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER' When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'.'

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'




ON HIS SIX BROTHERS 'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES' I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'