Good Quotes Part Deux

[moreluck]

"A popular item this year is gift cards. There's nothing like saying, 'I don't care, I don't know what you want, but have this and you'll find something you like at this store.'" - Jay Leno


A child, of course, is truly a miracle: a creature which knows all the questions at eight, and all the answers at eighteen.


Do you ever wonder if you really have arthritis, or is someone somewhere just having fun with a voodoo doll that happens to look like you?


Most lawyers who win a case advise their clients that "we have won." And when justice has frowned upon their cause that "you have lost."

[moreluck]

"Caroline Kennedy asked the governor of New York Thursday to appoint her to the U.S. Senate seat that's being vacated by Hillary Clinton. The pattern's clear. The U.S. Senate is now a day care center for the female relatives of legendary sex addicts."

~Argus Hamilton~

[DownsizedUPS'er]

1) when you point the finger of blame at someone there are three more pointing back at you.

2) G-d gave us two eyes , one to see the good in others, the second to see the bad within ourselves.

3) don't say the sky is the limit when their are footprints on the moon. (author unknown)

[moreluck]

A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be.

The mistake a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they've been appointed and thinking they've been anointed.

Tourist are people who climb a ten-thousand-foot mountain to put money in a telescope so they can see where they came from.

Sign in a finance company window: "Loans for those who have everything but haven't begun to pay for it all."

School is where children go to catch cold from other children so that they can stay home.

[DownsizedUPS'er]

it is a far better thing to look down at grass then up at grass.

[moreluck]

"The White House and Congress worked together Tuesday to come up with a federal bailout plan for the Big Three automakers. The idea isn't polling well at all. Most Americans don't care who makes the cars as long as O.J. Simpson makes the license plates. "

"Al Gore was told by Barack Obama Tuesday that climate change is on the back burner for now. Tax hikes on the wealthy and a withdrawal from Iraq have also been postponed. President Bush may not have a legacy but it looks like he'll have a third term."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property so that they may more perfectly respect it.

The nicest thing about having grown children: You find out about the parachute lessons or the bungee jumping weekend AFTER the fact.

A word to all you feminists.....
Stop "liberating" moms by trying to make them join the workforce. They're already doing the job that God put them here to do: Everything.


It is odd how all men develop the notion, as they grow older, that their mothers were wonderful cooks.

[moreluck]

"Chicago's U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald had Governor Blagojevich arrested Tuesday and produced audiotaped evidence of his greed and venal corruption. The question is, now what? They can't put the governor in jail, it would corrupt the petty thieves."

"Call In Gay Day was declared Wednesday by gay rights activists who asked gay people to call in sick from work. The timing was bad. It could start a lot of false rumors in the workplace when you declare this day in the middle of cold season."

"Daily Variety said Wednesday that Young Frankenstein will close on Broadway in January. Every night for eight years New York theatergoers have been able to enjoy either a comedy about Hitler, a drama about Nixon or a musical about Frankenstein. President Bush could fund his presidential library if he'd just learn how to tap dance. "

~Argus Hamilton

[DownsizedUPS'er]

sometimes i wake up grumpy, other days i just let him sleep.

[moreluck]

Anheuser-Busch has donated $5 million
to the University of California at Davis
to build a beer lab on campus. Didn’t that used to be called a dorm?


Columbia University did a study that showed we remember 10% of what we hear, 25% of what we see and 90% of what we do. That's why it's so important to hear ideas, see possibilities and put both into action.

Men are generally more law-abiding than women. Women have a feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired

[moreluck]

Once you pass 40, your "Big break" will probably be a bone.

Politics isn't about hunger or taxes or equality . . . it's about politics.

Management's job is to keep 'em too busy to look for other jobs.

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.

Why are lawyers not sworn to tell the truth like all the witnesses in a jury trial?

[DownsizedUPS'er]

as seen a a graffiti wall:

I wish i were what i was when i was trying to become what i am now.

[moreluck]

"Governor Rod Blagojevich didn't show up for work in Chicago on Wednesday. Just his luck, it was national call-in-sick if you're gay day. He may have to resign as governor of Illinois but he's leading all polls to be the next governor of California."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

Remember when the kids brought the teachers apples instead of driving them bananas.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." (Judith Martin)

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.
~Ted Williams ~

[Wynter]

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

~Albert Einstein~

[DownsizedUPS'er]

never let anyone hold your happiness hostage. (my dad)

[moreluck]

In Michigan, an 18-year-old high-school student was elected mayor, ousting a 51-year-old? In Beverly Hills, that's called a second marriage. - Jay Leno -

Anonymous gift....... a donation by someone who hopes everyone will find out without his telling them.

Spotting the winners is easy. They're the ones who are not whining about the rules.

Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any state of the United States.

"The Hula Hoop turns 50. It’s not as popular as it once was. Nowadays, if a person wants the sensation of plastic spinning out of control they get a credit card." -Alan Ray

[moreluck]

"Wall Street tycoon Bernard Madoff confessed to a scam that stole fifty billion dollars from investors. It was the biggest con in history. He was arraigned in Manhattan court Friday but not before he was presented the key to the City of Chicago. "

"Pastor Jeremiah Wright told his church Sunday that December seventh was the day the U.S. dropped the atomic bomb on Japan. Actually it's the day Japan bombed us. The reason everybody walks out of his church services so happy is because ignorance is bliss. "

"O.J. Simpson was taken away Thursday to Nevada State Prison, forty miles north of Las Vegas. It's a tough adjustment. O.J.'s used to a life of cocaine and golf and blondes, but the Nevada State Prison is much different than the Los Angeles County Jail."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

The most difficult secret for a man to keep is his own opinion of himself.

Marriage is a duet, not a duel.

Noah was a brave man to sail in a wooden boat with two termites.

[moreluck]

She said she wasn't pregnant but contractions speak louder then words.

"People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn't look any better."

President Clinton says he looks forward to the day a citizen can call the IRS and get the right answer to a question. says Jay Leno. " I look forward to the day I can call the IRS and get a voice that says, 'Sorry, that number has been disconnected.'

I hate talking cars. A voice out of nowhere says things like, "Your door is ajar. Why don't they say something really useful, like 'There's a state trooper hiding behind that bush.'"

[moreluck]

Have you ever been in therapy? It's like a really easy game show where the correct answer to every question is: 'Because of my mother.'

The moment you have children yourself, you forgive everything your parents did.

The best vitamin for a Christian is B1!

[moreluck]

Taunting Quotes........

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
--Thomas Brackett Reed


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
--Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
--Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
--Mark Twain


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
--Mark Twain

"

[moreluck]

Any kid will run an errand for you, if you ask him at bedtime.

"A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it."

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and then pray I don't put on weight."

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." (Aristotle)

[moreluck]

They say the trouble with doing nothing may be that it is difficult to tell when you're finished.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
Lenny Bruce

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
Mel Gibson

[moreluck]

Christmas Quotes.........

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis

Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority. ~W.J. Cameron

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~Mary Ellen Chase

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith

There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries. ~W.J. Cameron

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens