Good Quotes Part Deux

Liberals buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Conservatives form decency committees and read them as a group.

The trouble with hitting the jackpot on a slot machine is that it takes so long to put the money back.

Thank God, we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late, and, thanks to television, you can shop in bed!" -Joan Rivers

Growing old has one advantage: you'll never have to do it over again.

Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way at least you'll get one thing done.

Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, and middle age just looks tired.

Many folks want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.

I tend to sleep in the nude.

Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights across the country

Health and Cheerfulness mutually beget each other.
Joseph Addison

Old coupon clippers never die; they just expire.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns (1896 - 1996)

"I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."

~Milton Berle~

Boy there's a lot of changes in the nightly newscast. Tom Brokaw stepping down. Dan Rather stepping down.

Soon the most trusted man in television could wind up being Geraldo Rivera.

Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

-- Albert Einstein --

Why do they call it a TV 'set' when you only have one?

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

-- George Burns --

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.

-- Buddy Hackett --

"Senility isn't so bad. You keep meeting new friends!"

The family seems to have two predominant functions: to provide warmth and love in time of need and to drive each other insane.

-- Donald G. Smith --

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

"Anything in life is possible. What the mind can conceive, the body can do."
Jack La Lanne

~STRESS~
The confusion created when the mind must overide the body's basic desire to choke the living crap out of some idiot who desperately deserves it!

Everyone is entitled to be stupid.....but you are abusing the privilege !