Good Quotes Part Deux - Page 111 - Brown Cafe

moreluck · 05-03-2009, 08:24 AM

"Joe Biden told Americans Thursday to avoid air travel to keep from contracting the swine flu. He was typically off-message. It's not the administration's mission to destroy the airline industry, this month's mission is to destroy the auto industry."

"Fort Worth closed schools for a week Tuesday and ordered janitors to disinfect every classroom when swine flu arrived from Mexico. Is this a good idea? In order to get the job done in time they will have to bring in janitors illegally from Mexico."

'President Obama claimed Wednesday the British didn't torture or inflict pain on German prisoners during World War II. That may be technically true. Captured Nazi spies were shot if they didn't agree to be double agents, but it only hurt for a second.' "

"Twentieth Century Fox announced Thursday it will re-unite Michael Douglas with director Oliver Stone for a sequel to Wall Street which is set twenty years later. It's going to be a short film. All the Wall Street firms in the original movie have converted to commercial banks or gone out of business, and Charlie Sheen's sober. "

~Argus Hamilton~

moreluck · 05-04-2009, 06:42 AM

"I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways." (Lucille Ball...1911-1989)

God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts!”

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother.

moreluck · 05-04-2009, 03:24 PM

"Supreme Court Justice David Souter said Friday he will retire from the Court in June. He's a lifelong bachelor who spent his life living alone in a cabin in the woods in New Hampshire. He only accepted a job on the Supreme Court because he was tired of being interrogated every time the cops were looking for a serial killer."

"President Obama announced the Supreme Court's vacancy Friday. He made clear what he's looking for in the new justice. The search is on for a disabled bilingual woman of color with paid-up taxes who baby-sits her own children and mows her own lawn. "

~Argus Hamilton~

moreluck · 05-05-2009, 05:41 AM

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

· Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
.
· Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
·
· Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
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· Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
·
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· Keep honking...I'm reloading

moreluck · 05-05-2009, 06:52 AM

Dis-Inspirationals............

There is no "I" in "teamwork"...But there is in "management kiss- up".

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings... they did it by killing all those who oppose them.

We put the "k" in "kwality".

Two days without a human rights violation.

moreluck · 05-06-2009, 06:08 AM

"When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I have several stands." ~James Brady~

"If you know you are going to fail, then fail gloriously." ~Cate Blanchett~

"Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them."
~John Updike~

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." ~Winston Churchill~

"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~Harriet Beecher Stowe~

"If you can laugh at it, you can live with it." ~Erma Bombeck~

moreluck · 05-06-2009, 09:07 AM

"Mine that Bird won the Kentucky Derby in an upset Saturday. The owners had him gelded last year, so there'll be no stud fees. President Obama wants to jail the owners for the taxes they're not going to pay on the money they aren't going to make. "

"President Obama spent Monday on the phone with U.S. Senators discussing possible Supreme Court nominees to replace Justice Souter. He said he's looking for someone with empathy. He has given up on looking for nominees who are paid up on their taxes."

~Argus Hamilton~

moreluck · 05-07-2009, 05:57 PM

"Do not mind criticism. If it is untrue disregard it. If it is unfair, don't become irritated. If it is ignorant, just smile. If it is justified, learn from it. "

If your left hand doesn't know what your right one is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.

moreluck · 05-08-2009, 06:48 AM

"Remember: Stop lights timed For 35 mph......are also timed for 70 mph."

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.

over9five · 05-08-2009, 11:48 AM

"Where are the dummy, poopie caca-head moderators?" - Anonymous internet blogger

moreluck · 05-09-2009, 05:58 AM

Lincoln's Law: The more money they're
spending to sell it to you, the less you
need it."

Make love, not war, or do both, get married.

QUESTION: What is the…difference between a poker player and a dog?
ANSWER: The dog will eventually stop whining.

moreluck · 05-10-2009, 04:53 AM

David Brinkley
-- The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.
A. Whitney Brown
-- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Samuel Butler
-- Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.
Frank Capra
-- Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
John Ciardi
-- You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
John Cleese
-- I find it rather easy to protray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

moreluck · 05-11-2009, 05:55 AM

"Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."

"Have you heard this story? They're trying to pass a bill now that allows politicians to insist that they be addressed by gender- neutral titles. Is that really necessary? I mean, don't we already have gender neutral titles for politicians? 'Crook,' 'liar,' 'adulterer,' 'pinhead,' 'moron,' these are all gender-neutral. (Jay Leno)

"The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."

moreluck · 05-12-2009, 09:31 AM

My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.

An atheist is a guy who watches a Notre Dame SMU football game and doesn't care who wins.

There's this to recommend army life: You never have to decide what to wear.

What gets me is that estimated tax return. You have to guess how much money you're going to make. You have to fill it out, sign it, send it in. I sent mine in last week. I didn't sign it. If I have to guess how much money I'm gonna make, let them guess who sent it.

moreluck · 05-13-2009, 06:04 AM

"If people weren't meant to have midnight snack, why do they put a light in refrigerators?! "

Bumper sticker spotted on a pickup truck: "Yes, this is my pickup truck. No, I am not available to help you move."

moreluck · 05-14-2009, 03:30 AM

In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

Some of the best authors were alcoholics. That's odd. Nobody wants to listen to a drunk talk, but we'll read what they write.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive.

moreluck · 05-15-2009, 08:35 AM

The restaurant we had lunch in is one business that knows how to handle dissatisfied customers. On the wall was an open bear trap and this sign: "To Register Complaint, Push Button."

Memory is what makes you wonder what you've forgotten.

moreluck · 05-16-2009, 05:33 AM

An optimist thinks the glass is half full; a pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. A realist knows that if he sticks around, he's eventually going to have to wash the glass.

Love blinds all men alike, both the reasonable and the foolish.

moreluck · 05-16-2009, 02:44 PM

"If it isn't scary, you aren't paying attention."

moreluck · 05-17-2009, 10:03 AM

One friend in a life time is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.

"I thought my razor was dull until I heard you talk."

moreluck · 05-18-2009, 04:33 AM

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
-- Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-- Robin Williams

DS · 05-18-2009, 07:46 PM

What do baseball players try to think about when having sex?

moreluck · 05-19-2009, 08:23 AM

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.

"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." (Bern Williams)

The problem with riverboat gambling is that you can't tell if you're queasy from losing your money or getting seasick

moreluck · 05-20-2009, 04:33 AM

"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected." - Red Buttons-

The recession is worse than a divorce. You lose half your fortune and still have your wife.

Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.

moreluck · 05-21-2009, 06:08 AM

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.

At any time, it is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion (10,000,000,000,000,000,000) individual insects alive.

When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I'm older, I don't need the W.