Good Quotes Part Deux - Page 113 - Brown Cafe

moreluck · 06-17-2009, 06:15 AM

The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it.

You know the difference between Washington and Las Vegas? In Las Vegas the drunks gamble with their own money.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

moreluck · 06-19-2009, 06:55 AM

When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do
you call a girl that is named after her mother?

Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?

Does Hawaiian Punch come from Hawaii?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that ?

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"? "

moreluck · 06-20-2009, 07:01 AM

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Perhaps one reason budgets often don't work is that most of us only work five days a week but we spend money on all seven.

I can't lose weight. I go jogging. I gain weight. I keep running into restaurants.

Backpacking is an extended form of hiking in which people carry double the amount of gear they need for half the distance they planned to go in twice the time it should take.

The safest way to cross life's streets is to hold hands.

moreluck · 06-21-2009, 10:03 AM

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

"There are no foolish questions and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions."
(Charles Proteus Steinmetz...1865-1923)

Some people will never get the game of golf. They don't see why it's necessary to drive hard to get to the green, only to wind up in the hole!

"A falsehood is a falsehood even if 10,000 people believed in it. A truth is a truth even if no one believed in it."

moreluck · 06-22-2009, 06:36 AM

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." ~Walt Disney~

"Courage is like muscle. We strengthen it with use." ~Ruth Gordon~

"Everyone is your best friend when you are successful. Surround yourself with people that you are not afraid of failing with." ~Paula Abdul~

"It's not what you do once in a while. It's what you do day in and day out that makes a difference. ~Jenny Craig~

"Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, 'I'm with you, kid. Let's go.'"

moreluck · 06-23-2009, 09:16 AM

I'm paranoid about everything. On my stationary bike I have a rearview mirror. "

Besieged by customer requests, Cleveland restaurant owner Hector Boiardi decided to bottle his famous spaghetti and meat sauce. With local success came an offer national distribution, but, fearing that Americans would have trouble pronouncing his Italian last name, he marketed and sold his food under the phonetic spelling, "Boy-ar-dee."

The original filling in Twinkies was banana. It was replaced by vanilla-flavored cream during World War II, when the United States experienced a banana shortage.

Peanuts are salted in the shell by boiling them in a heavily salted solution, then allowing them to dry.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
~Ernest Hemingway ~

Q: Why are golf balls small and white?
A: Because if they were big and grey, they'd be elephants.

moreluck · 06-24-2009, 04:56 AM

"My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone."

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

Columbus traveled around the world at public expense and they called him an explorer. Today they would call him a congressman.

"Cell phones really can increase you efficiency -- just turn them off!"

moreluck · 06-25-2009, 07:01 AM

The strawberry is the only agricultural product that bears its seeds on the outside.

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

moreluck · 06-26-2009, 07:25 AM

Given the price of gas these days, everyone should own a five- passenger car, so one person can drive while the other four push!"

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx-

It wasn't the apple that caused the trouble in the Garden of Eden, it was the pair on the ground.

Bumper sticker on a plumber's truck. "You don't have to live with a drip."

moreluck · 06-27-2009, 06:25 AM

If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does waiting in one take so long?

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. "

"He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." (Clarence Budington Kelland)

rod · 06-27-2009, 10:44 PM

Just how thick is this "Book of Quotes" you keep quoting?

moreluck · 06-28-2009, 02:47 AM

Rod....there's no one book. I keep coming across quotes daily from different sites that I frequent and some from magazines I read. I just save them all.

I also send daily e-mail letters to friends and each one has a daily quote on the top.

moreluck · 06-28-2009, 03:55 PM

Man of the hour: the fellow whose wife told him to wait a minute."

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop."

"You can never appreciate the shade of a tree unless you sweat in the sun."

Every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go wrong that one cannot blame on the government.

You know you're old when...they've discontinued your blood type.

moreluck · 06-29-2009, 04:42 AM

"Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability." (Sam Keen).

My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar. From then on, they demanded their allowances in gold.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

moreluck · 06-30-2009, 12:23 PM

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that individuality is the key to success.

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Men join clubs for the same reason they once carried them. Security.

Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.

moreluck · 07-01-2009, 05:43 AM

My friend is dieting. He says weight gain is due to water retention. My weight gain is due to ice cream retention.

I ran five miles today. Finally, I had to say, "OK Lady, here's your purse back."

That guy is so vain...he won’t wear his glasses, but needs them to drive, so he got a prescription windshield.

Two salesmen are at another salesman's funeral. One says to the other, "What did he have?" The other salesman says, "California, Oregon and Washington".

Two old men are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes his head and adds, "And such small portions."

moreluck · 07-02-2009, 06:29 AM

A kind heart is a fountain of gladness making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles. ~Washington Irving~

Yogi Berra was once complimented on his large collection of sweaters. "The only color I don't have," Berra proudly declared, "is navy brown."

Rich foods are like destiny. They, too, shape our ends.

On the tombstone of a farmer whose dying wish was to be buried in his vegetable garden: "Rest in Peas"

When I was in school, I read mystery books - algebra, geometry...

moreluck · 07-03-2009, 05:30 AM

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president,
and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. - Johnny Carson-

The measure of a man's moral fiber is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.

I have a friend who made billions of dollars writing and selling Cliff Notes. One day I asked him where he got the idea and he said, "Well, to make a long story short...."

moreluck · 07-04-2009, 06:00 AM

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." (Milton Berle)

Friendship isn't a big thing... it's a million little things

I've done the calculations and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you..

When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.

"It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days." (Isabel Waxman)

moreluck · 07-05-2009, 04:40 AM

A newspaper editor was captured by cannibals and consumed by their leader. In other words, he became "editor-in-chief".

A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Were Moses to go up Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd bring down with him would be aspirin and Prozac.

The man who claims to be the boss in his own home will lie about other things as well.

moreluck · 07-06-2009, 07:50 AM

I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue." Fathers never get a chance to use much of it.

I moved from Georgia to Idaho and was nervous about the winters in this new state. My queries got this reply from a native Northwesterner: "Ma'am, we have four seasons here: early winter, midwinter, late winter, and next winter."

"There's none so dumb as those that don't want to know."

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

moreluck · 07-07-2009, 03:59 AM

All About Man's Best Friend..............

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
--Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
--Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
--Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
--Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
--Josh Billings

moreluck · 07-08-2009, 08:03 AM

"Often you just have to rely on your intuition."

"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on." ~Bob Newhart~

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within." ~Anna Freud~

"Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges makes life worth living." ~Mary Tyler Moore~

moreluck · 07-09-2009, 03:42 AM

Man blames most accidents on fate, but still takes the credit when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Every teenager should get a high school education -- even if they already know everything.

Laugh for yesterday. Live for today. Pray for tomorrow. Love for always.

moreluck · 07-10-2009, 05:46 AM

"I not only get recognized...I get recognized from behind." (George Wendt...U.S. Actor)

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. -Dorothy Parker-

Money is a bottomless sea, in which honor, conscience, and truth may be drowned.

"Ideas are funny things. They don't work unless you do."