Good Quotes Part Deux

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I prefer to describe myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly word.

I eat from the three major food groups: McDonald's, Burger king and Pizza Hut

We would all benefit if we were surrounded by more open minds and fewer open mouths

Individuals who simply refuse to become active in the politics of their world will be completely ruled by those who do.

If you cannot hear a pin drop, you are a lousy bowler.

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."

"On some days, my head is filled with such wild and original thoughts that I can barely utter a word. On other days, the liquor store is closed."

**Tim Allen, comedian, had this to say about Martha Stewart:

"Boy, I feel safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. & Kobe are
walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one
woman in America willing to cook, clean and work in the yard
and haul her butt to jail."

The only reason all those anti-drug bills keep getting passed is because most of us pro-drug people are too messed up to vote.

They say atomic radiation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them."

~Johnny Carson~

Doesn't it bother you when people litter?

The most creative rationale for throwing an apple core out the window is, "It will plant seeds for other trees to grow." And of course, our highways are lined with apple trees - - right next to the cigarette bushes. ~Nick Arnette

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: You don't hear from your relatives." (Johnny Carson...1925-2005)

Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be
watching television by candlelight."

~ George Gobel ~

My wife knows how to make my long stories short -
She interrupts

"Going to war without France is like going
deer hunting without your accordion."

Norman Schwartzkopf

An old-timer is one who remembers when we counted our blessings instead of our calories.

My wife always keeps a bowl of wax fruit around,
even though neither of us knows any mannequins.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones--

There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.....

~ Robert Byrne ~

"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."

Sam Levenson (1911-1980)

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That will surely do them in.

Besides "I love you", the three words a wife wants to hear most are "I fixed it!"

For most men there are three ages of hair...... parted, unparted and departed.