Good Quotes Part Deux

It's really a wonder my wife and I ever got together in the first
place.
She swore she would never marry me when I was drunk, and
I wouldn't dream of marrying her when I was sober.

Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee

The income tax has made liars out of more people than golf.

Summer television is such a waste, like wearing cologne to a rodeo.

"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money." (Abigail Van Buren)

Have you ever wondered why the same candy bar that rots a child's teeth is a wonderful source of quick energy for adults?

Don't hate yourself in the morning....... Sleep until noon.

Seen on a T-Shirt.....

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...
What the *#@*! happened ?!?

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

Old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

It's always good to check in early at the airlines. That way you can learn about the delay faster.

"Men do not settle down. Men surrender." (Chris Rock)

"True friends stab you in the front."
~Oscar Wilde~

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

Always remember to use all fingers when waving at the police.

"Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself." (Frank Capra)

Charles Schultz:
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia."

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development."

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.

Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)

I'm on a brandy diet. So far it works! I've lost three days in one week.

The secret of the Irish....is to live a long time without growing old.

The happiest people are those who are too busy to wonder whether they are or not

When you feel terrific, notify your face."

(Life's Little Instruction Book by H. Jackson Brown,Jr.)

"If you think you're too small to make a difference, you've obviously never been in bed with a mosquito."

(Michelle Walker)