Good Quotes Part Deux

"I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence."

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

(Robert Frost)

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed though life trying to save.

~ Will Rogers ~

I think someone should invent Beerguard, because how often do you actually spill Scotch on the carpet?

Mother always said that honesty was the best policy and money isn't everything. She was wrong about other things, too.

--Gerald Bazan

Political speeches are like steer horns... A point here, a point there, with a lot of bull in between

GRAMMAR BY MILTON BERLE

I’d rather be a ‘could-be’ if I cannot be an ‘are’;

Because a ‘could-be’ is a ‘maybe’ who is reaching for a star.

I’d rather be a ‘has-been’ than a ‘might-have-been’ by far;

For a ‘might- have-been’ has never been, but a ‘has-been’ was once an ‘are’

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

Rodney Dangerfield

To err is human. To blame it on others is politics.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
~Anonymous~

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive
evidence that you are wonderful.

~Ann Landers~

I think lawyers and teachers should flip salaries.

--Dennis Miller

'Your Fired!' to me, from my soon to be ex-UPS manager

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

~Will Rogers~

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

I'M NOT A SNOB. I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE.

"As an entertainer I travel a lot. I once saw a pin on a Delta Airlines employee and I asked him what 'Delta' stands for. He said, 'Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive.'"

~Adam Christing~

While we have airlines as the subject.

El Al.

Every Landing Always Late.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is. It's always room temperature, right?

~Steven Wright~

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

~Steven Wright~

IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS.

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

~Ben Williams~

Dream what you want to dream;
> go where you want to go;
> be what you want to be,
> because you have only one life
> and one chance to do all the things
> you want to do.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
~Bill Watterson~