Good Quotes Part Deux

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"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
~Mark Twain~


"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."
~Mark Twain~

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Food For Thought: If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

"Keep your head and your heart going in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet."

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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."
-Mark Twain-


"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
-Mark Twain -

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"Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays, it insists on it. "

"If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be discarded."

"Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry. "

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"When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained." - Edward R. Murrow -


"Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of." (Kathy Lette)

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"A box of candy means friendship, a bunch of flowers means love, but a diamond means business."

"A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be."

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George Carlin. ...
If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, "He was a loner." Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with

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Albert Einstein....

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."

"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. "

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."

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"The safest way to knock a chip off someone's shoulder is with a pat on the back. "


"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that individuality is the key to success."

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"Advise your children to get you quality gifts. After all, they don't want to inherit junk."

"The frustrating thing about getting old is seeing expensive antiques and remembering items just like them that you threw away."

You can't fool all the people all the time, but if you can do it once every four years, you'll have a promising career ahead of you in politics.

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"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
~Les Brown~

"Most of us ask for advice when we already know the answer, but we want a different one."

"Character is a victory, not a gift."

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"A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after a success."

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"You'll find a big difference between people who pray in church and those people who pray in casinos... because the ones praying in the casinos are very serious."

Sign in an accountant's office: "In God We Trust. All Others We Audit."

"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it." - Doris Day

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"Life is a big canvas, throw all the paint on it you can."

"If you think that praise is due,
now's the time to show it, 'cause a man can't read his tombstone when he's dead."

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."

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"Never mistake asthma for passion."

"Many people's tombstones should read died at 30, buried at 60."

"I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror."

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"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath."

"After a certain number of years, our faces become our biographies." (Cynthia Ozick)

"In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal."

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"I've never been overdrawn at the bank, just underdeposited."

"Keep your mind curious, your heart pure, and your enthusiasm twelve inches taller than you are. "

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"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." ~Tallulah Bankhead~

"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner." ~Tallulah Bankhead~

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"The trouble with opportunity knocking on the door in these days of high crime rates is that by the time you unhook the chain, push back the bolt, turn two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it's gone. "
"Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it." (Max Frisch)

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"Modern artists sign their names at the bottoms of paintings so that we'll know how to hang them."

"Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense, and the past perfect. "

"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it." (W.C. Fields)

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I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bull*hit." (Mel Brooks)

"One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball." (Don Carter)

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"Never hire an electrician with no eyebrows."

"When you think about it, ten years from now many antiques will be made of plastic."