Good Quotes Part Deux

Marriage is finding that special someone you want to annoy the rest of your life.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

~Bill Cosby~

Life is made of choices....
Remove your shoes OR scrub the floor!

Hell hath no fury like a dad whose tools are missing.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

~Bill Watterson~

Why even bother with marriage? Just find someone who drives you nuts and buy a house together.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that
certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very,
very few persons.
~James Thurber~

Therapy is expensive.
Popping bubble wrap is cheap.
You choose.

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." -- Babe Ruth

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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -- Lyndon B. Johnson

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An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -- Ernest Hemingway

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Paul Hornung

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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. -- H. L. Mencken

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When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! -- George Bernard Shaw

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin

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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -- Dave Barry

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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.! -- W. C. Fields

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Remember "I" be fore "E", except in Budweiser. -- Professor Irwin Corey

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can! -- Leo Durocher

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One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

~Rita Rudner~

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.

Excellence can be attained if you.....

*Care, more than others think is wise.
*Risk, more than others think is safe.
*Dream, more than others think is practical.
*Expect, more than others think is possible.

Persistence:

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.

Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.

Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts

Persistence & determination alone are omnipotent.

The man on top of the mountain didn't fall there.

To lead a symphony, you must occasionally turn your back on the crowd.

You owe the world not the other way around

Life is a test.....thankyou for bringing down the curve.

"We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence."
-Joseph Roux

Children are our future....start guilting them now.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to
turn around three times before lying down.

~Robert Benchley~

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

~Bill Cosby~

Halloween approaches. The John Kerry mask is this year’s best bargain. Two faces for the price of one."

Travel, they say, broadens the mind, but in my experience it is the other end of the anatomy that feels the effect.