Good Quotes Part Deux

[moreluck]

"Los Angeles firefighters rushed to put out blazes that broke out all over town Monday. It's that time of year again. The fire marshal issued a bulletin in twelve different languages reminding everyone that it's still only round one of the playoffs."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

Does anybody know why in ads for watches the hands always read 10:10?

Would an avid fisherman be afraid to open a can of worms?

The poor guy's meal was all burned, I mean, even at the steak!

If an adult says, "I want to go potty," should we suspect illegal drug use?

If Mary had a little lamb today, would it be one that had been cloned?

[moreluck]

This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework, so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child?

A nation is a society united by its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors.

"Heroes are people who rise to the occasion and slip quietly away." - Tom Brokaw

[moreluck]

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

* Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

* You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

* When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

[moreluck]

To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
Janet Coleman

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
George Carlin

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
Joey Adams

[moreluck]

Ponderings.....

Did anybody ever really see a chicken cross the road?

If a doctor takes two aspirin, does he end up talking to himself in the morning?

Does any American know anything about what's actually in the "Patriot Act?"

Why are there no water-drinking contests?

Does anybody really know what digital means? It makes everything sound good, though...even digital speakers!

[moreluck]

"A good answer is what you think of later."

"Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign."

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

* To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

* There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

* If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

[feeder53]

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
Marcus Aurelius

[feeder53]

There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.

George Armstrong Custer

[feeder53]

We must expect reverses, even defeats. They are sent to teach us wisdom and prudence, to call forth greater energies, and to prevent our falling into greater disasters.Robert E. Lee

[moreluck]

God did not create the world in 7 days; he screwed
around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
(University of Michigan)

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

A tiresome, boring lecture can give us the feeling of being numb on one end and dumb on the other.

[moreluck]

One of life's small satisfactions is snagging first place in a newly opened checkout lane.

Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.


Protect the birds! The dove brings peace and the stork brings tax exemptions.

A career is what you are paid for. A calling is what you are made for.

[feeder53]

Do what is right, not what you think the high headquarters wants or what you think will make you look good.


He is neither a strategist nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a general. Other than that he's a great military man.
It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle.

Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy.
War is a profane thing.
When placed in command - take charge.

You learn far more from negative leadership than from positive leadership. Because you learn how not to do it. And, therefore, you learn how to do it.
All by Norman Schwartzkopf

[moreluck]

Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums." -Steven Wright-

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

[moreluck]

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

My psychiatrist specializes in group therapy. Instead of a couch, he has bunk beds.

The funny thing about going to a psychiatrist is that you have to lie down to learn how to stand on your own two feet.

[moreluck]

Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.

They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?

A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else."He added, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal ... it's called golf."

[moreluck]

When your wife says, "What do you think?" she is not asking for YOUR opinion.
She is asking for HER opinion, from your mouth.

Laughing provides us with a natural inner massage.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."

[moreluck]

For the dental association we suggest the slogan, "Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you."

Why is it called baby-sitting when all you do is run after them?

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.

[moreluck]

"The White House assured Americans Friday that the six hundred dollar income tax rebate checks were mailed. People also get three hundred dollars for each child they have. You're never going to discourage polygamy in Texas with policies like that."

"Tom Cruise's movie about the German officer who tried to kill Adolf Hitler was shelved by the studio Sunday after awful test screenings. The actor's too unpopular. Movie audiences aren't supposed to cheer when Hitler survives your attempt to kill him."

"NBC Dateline ran an old interview with Charles Manson Saturday from twenty years ago. He said industry was melting the polar ice caps and destroying the ozone. The Nobel Committee just called Al Gore and told him he's going to have to split the Peace Prize."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

Middle age is when you get in the car and immediately change the radio station.

Guys are like lava lamps... they're fun to look at, but not that bright. -Cher-

Money used to talk, then it whispered. Now it just sneaks off.