Good Quotes Part Deux

[moreluck]

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama will hold a rally together Friday. It will take place in Unity, New Hampshire, because they felt the town's name made it most appropriate. Apparently Deadhorse, Alaska and Loco, Oklahoma were already booked.

Bill Clinton vowed Tuesday to help Barack Obama get elected president. It won't be like campaigning for his wife. He's going to miss the days when his staffers had Hillary's schedule in their hands and he knew she was on the other side of the country.

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

"She is a peacock in everything but beauty."
--Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
--Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
--Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
--Billy Wilder

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
--Andrew Lang

[moreluck]

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.


The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.


Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.


I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.



When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[moreluck]

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that
9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

[moreluck]

Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.

If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go
wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will
promptly develop.

Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!

I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!

[moreluck]

Caron de Beaumarchais
-- It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.
Ambrose Bierce
-- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Stephen Bishop
-- I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
Erma Bombeck
-- One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
-- I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
Ashleigh Brilliant
-- Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence

[moreluck]

"Los Angeles wilted under a heat wave last week, sending the city's population out to the beaches to save on air conditioning bills. The lifeguards reported a record number of people in the ocean Sunday. They are swimming out to get the oil personally. "

"CBS News' Lara Logan was accused by an angry Texas housewife Friday of carrying on an adulterous affair with her contractor husband in Iraq while also dating CNN's Michael Ware. It's her duty. Lara Logan has freedom tattooed on one ankle and democracy tattooed on the other ankle and she's doing all she can to spread freedom and democracy in Iraq. "

"Hillary Clinton appeared with Barack Obama at a rally in New Hampshire Friday to show her unconditional support for him. She acted like she meant it and he acted like he believed it. One day, used car salesmen will study this tape in advanced training sessions."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

Teenagers were made so parents wouldn't be so devastated when their children finally grow up and leave home.

It's funny until someone gets hurt , then it's hilarious.

America has more food to eat than any other nation on earth - and more diets to keep us from eating it.

"I'd put my money on the sun and solar energy. What a source of power! I hope we don't have to wait till oil and coal run out before we tackle that." (Thomas Edison)

It takes 63 feet of wire to make a Slinky.

[moreluck]

It is a terrific idea to kiss the children good night, if you do not mind waiting up for them.

"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while."

Every wife knows there are two ways to keep a husband guessing, by saying something and by saying nothing.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Popular music used to make you tap your toe. Now it makes you beat your head against the wall!

[moreluck]

Happy 4th !!

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. ~Thomas Paine


He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from opposition; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach himself. ~Thomas Paine


This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~Elmer Davis


The American Revolution was a beginning, not a consummation. ~Woodrow Wilson


Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick


Let freedom never perish in your hands. ~Joseph Addison


You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. ~Erma Bombeck


Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

[moreluck]

Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night.

Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us 12 years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home well after curfew.

The future is in the rearview mirror, those smiling faces in the back seat.

[moreluck]

When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the project manager, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Everyone gets butterflies - the trick is getting them to fly in formation.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Life is simpler when you plough around the stumps.

[moreluck]

Christie Brinkley's divorce trial made national headlines Thursday. Her husband admitted having sex with himself in front of strangers on his web cam. He could face a seventy-six dollar fine under a broad interpretation of the new hands-free law.

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

I'm never lost. Someone's always telling me where to go.

"He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describethe process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

[moreluck]

"Christie Brinkley wept on the witness stand in her divorce trial in Long Island Thursday. She was describing how she learned that her husband was cheating on her. She spoke at a school assembly and none of the senior girls would look her in the eye."


"Arnold Schwarzenegger directed the firefighting as multi-million dollar houses burned up and down the Central Coast. Big Sur was evacuated. They had to set up the Red Cross shelter at Hearst Castle because these people will not sleep in a gymnasium."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

There is supposedly someone out there doing exactly the same thing as you at the same time as you are. I found out who it was for me and gave them a phone call, but the line was busy.

A Native American comes home to the reservation after serving in the Army. While in the Army he became an accomplished electrician. He was sitting around smoking the peace pipe one evening when the Chief suggested that he might put lights and heat in the outdoor toilets. He is reputed to be the first person in North America to wire a head for a reservation.

[moreluck]

If you don't drink, smoke or drive a car, you're a tax evader.

Scandals are those things prominent people deny until they can brag about them when they write their memoirs.

"Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children." (Oliver Wendell Holmes...1809-1894)

Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

[moreluck]

Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver.

Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest.

Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.

Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.

[moreluck]

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature.
The new theory is that men don't mature.
So you might as well marry a younger one.

The difference between marriage and death?
Dead people are free.

[moreluck]

Thesaurus - A dinosaur with an outstanding vocabulary.

A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half.

The best things in life are still free, but the tax experts are working overtime on the problem.

How many Islamic extremist men would blow themselves up if they were told feminists, not virgins, awaited them in heaven?

"Nature is painting for us, day after day, pictures of infinite beauty if only we have the eyes to see them." (John Ruskin