Good Quotes Part Deux

[moreluck]

The trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.

Don't corner something meaner than you.

Don't wrestle with pigs: you'll get all muddy and the pigs will love it.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself.

[moreluck]

How to cope with stress...... Fill out your tax form using Roman numerals.

My doctor told me to start my exercise program very gradually so today I drove past a store that sells sweat pants.


A hug is a handshake from the heart.

Advertisement for lawn sprinkler system: "Dew it yourself."

[moreluck]

There is a memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E, or U is the proper time for chocolate.

The only people to go away empty are those who are full of themselves.

Chinese proverb No1: Man who run in front of car get tired; man who run behind car get exhausted.

Chinese proverb No2: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

[moreluck]

"Dark Knight starring the late Heath Ledger opened to all-time record audiences this weekend. The actor's almost-certain Oscar nomination sends a real message to young people in Hollywood. You can do heroin and die and not have it hurt your career."

"President Bush flew to California Thursday to see the raging wildfires. He keeps close tabs on all the damage. If enough environmentalists are burned out of their coastal homes and forced to leave California, he'll be able to pass offshore drilling."

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

The Joy of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.

Laugh a lot, and when you're older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places.

[moreluck]

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.

Bacon and Eggs: a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

HECK is where people go who don't believe in GOSH.

A picture is worth 1,000 words, but it uses up 1,000 times the memory.

Remember that half the people you know are below average.

Strange that psychics have to ask you for your name.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

[moreluck]

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."

Puberty is the period when students stop asking questions and begin to question answers.

In commercial egg production, the color of an eggshell reflects the color of the hen's feathers. Hens with white feathers lay white eggs. Those with red feathers lay brown eggs.

[moreluck]

"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it."

Gravity: Not just a good idea, it's the law!

Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance.

Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.

Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning "tone deaf".

[moreluck]

The part of a computer that you can hit with a hammer is called hardware; those parts that you can only curse at are called software.

In the early 1800's letter carriers earned no salaries, but were paid two cents by the recipient for each letter they delivered.

If men lived longer than women, would senior citizens get a better deal from the government?

The motorist was filling in an accident report: "I was backing out of a parking space, and, by the time I backed out far enough to see what was coming, it already had!"

Everyone hears what you have to say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

[moreluck]

One supermarket I know has just come out with a brilliant new invention... it's a shopping cart that goes in the same direction as the customer.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

"Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all."

Middle Age - When you choose your cereal based upon the fiber, not the toy.

[moreluck]

Aaron Spelling's widow Candy Spelling purchased a penthouse condo in Century City Tuesday for forty-seven million dollars. She's moving out of her eighty million dollar home. So it's not just Ed McMahon who's suffering out here during this downturn.
~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

If you don't want anyone to get your goat, don't let them know where you have it tied.

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."

Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk.

Is it because men have nothing to complain about that only women are "nags?"

[moreluck]

My analysis of people in life is simple, "We are products of the environment in which we are raised".

"Pain is deeper than all thought; laughter is higher than all pain." (Elbert Hubbard)

When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

"It is not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it." (Lena Horne)

[moreluck]

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.

A child's life is like a piece of paper on which each person passing by leaves a mark.

"Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come." (Chinese Proverb)

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.

To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.

A friend is someone who helps you up when you're down, and if they can't, they lay down beside you and listen.

[moreluck]

"The only exploration going on these days is drilling for votes." (Mark Russell...Political Satirist)

Psychiatrists say it's not good for a man to keep too much to himself. The Internal Revenue Service says the same thing.

Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.

"I was born in 1962. True. And the room next to me was 1963." (Joan Rivers)

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

[moreluck]

Who isn't concerned about senior citizens? Certainly the U.S. Senate Judiciary's Subcommittee on Crime, Corrections and Victims' Rights is. And to prove it, they held a hearing entitled "Elder Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation: Are We Doing Enough?"


Barack Obama went to the doctor. He has a sore hip, apparently. Finally the two presidential candidates have something in common.


It's not a bad idea for a politician to remember that no newspaper can misquote silence.


Pick your friends, but not to pieces...

[moreluck]

Katie Couric , while interviewing a Marine sniper, asked:
'What do you feel.....when you shoot a Terrorist?'

The Marine shrugged and replied, 'A slight recoil.'

[moreluck]

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking. One says to the other, "The thing I hate most about learning all this stuff is that you'll never use it in the real world."


It's a pity to shoot the pianist when the piano is out of tune.

Remember the good old days when "swingers" were people who relaxed on the front porch?

[moreluck]

Southern California was hit by a moderately strong earthquake Tuesday that rattled homes and swayed office buildings and frazzled nerves for thirty seconds. Everybody who lives in Los Angeles agrees that it could have been a lot worse. It could have rained.

Saudi Arabia outlawed dog-walking Tuesday, claiming that people use dog-walking as an excuse to flirt. The regime could be overthrown by the Americans any day now. If the Saudis think we're sentimental about office towers they should see how we feel about dogs.

Hillary Clinton is having an online contest to raise the millions she needs to pay off her campaign debt, and the winner gets to have dinner with her. That's a lot of baggage. Most guys don't even want to have dinner with a woman who needs her car repaired.

~Argus Hamilton~

[moreluck]

You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry. Most people do.

"Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip."

People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. There is much chaos in this world because things are being loved and people are being used.


"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside." (Mark Twain)