Good Quotes Part Deux

moreluck · 08-27-2008, 05:56 AM

When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I'm older, I don't need the W.

Put a federal agency in charge of the Sahara Desert and it would run out of sand.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

Clones are people two.

moreluck · 08-28-2008, 07:05 AM

A golfer has one advantage over a fisherman, he does not have to show any proof.

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.

Did you know the half of all people are below average?

moreluck · 08-29-2008, 05:45 AM

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. --Ben
Williams

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look
like the dog did it." --Unknown

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his
tail." --Unknown

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog
does." --Christopher Morley

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself." --Josh Billings

moreluck · 08-30-2008, 06:04 AM

Most people spend more time planning their summer vacation than they do planning their life.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time. But also to leave the wrong thing unsaid at the most tempting moment.

"Spread love everywhere you go....let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier."

"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret."

moreluck · 08-31-2008, 06:41 AM

We find that the most solid stones in the structure are the lowest ones in the foundation.

Tact is the unsaid part of what you think.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

You know you're in trouble when it takes more brains to fill out the income tax forms than it does to make the income.

Do two things today: Have a blessed day and reach out and touch someone's life in a positive way.

moreluck · 09-01-2008, 06:55 AM

Maturity is the ability to stick with a job until it's finished; the ability to do a job without being supervised; the ability to carry money without spending it; and the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."

"If you are not fired with enthusiasm, then you will be fired with enthusiasm."

If you your lips would keep from slips,
Five things observe with care:
Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,
And how and when and where.

moreluck · 09-02-2008, 07:28 AM

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

The most satisfying kind of gardening is planting yourself in a lawn chair.

A straight line is the shortest distance between a baby and anything breakable.

moreluck · 09-03-2008, 05:18 AM

Most of us consider ourselves broadminded enough to admit that there are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is our side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possible hold.

"Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow."

Just wondering.... If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.

moreluck · 09-04-2008, 06:58 AM

"I quit smoking. I feel better, I smell better, and it's safer to drink from old beer cans around the house."
- Roseanne Barr

"If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish into it."

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."
- Walt Whitman

"This is a test. This is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation."
- Anonymous

moreluck · 09-05-2008, 07:11 AM

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure."

"Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you someone who has never achieved much."

"You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."

"Lord, where we are wrong, make us willing to change; where we are right, make us easy to live with."

moreluck · 09-05-2008, 03:24 PM

"Rap music mogul Sean Combs said Tuesday that jet fuel is so expensive he's had to ground his private jet and fly commercial. More and more celebrities are having to fly commercial. Mackenzie Phillips could give him some good tips on what not to pack. "

~Argus Hamilton~

moreluck · 09-06-2008, 06:40 AM

Psychiatrists say it's not good for man to keep too much to himself. The Internal Revenue Service says the same thing.

The most satisfying kind of gardening is planting yourself in a lawn chair.

"The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision." - Helen Keller

Did you hear that in New York the Stop and Shop grocery chain merged with the A&P? Now it's called the Stop & P.

moreluck · 09-07-2008, 06:40 AM

Old age; It isn't so much what we say as the number of times we say it that makes us boring.

The worst thing about getting old is listening to your children's advice.

"Every one of our greatest national treasures, our liberty, enterprise, vitality, wealth, military power, global authority, flow from a surprising source: our ability to give thanks." (Tony Snow...1955-2008)

moreluck · 09-08-2008, 07:11 AM

Don't invite trouble, it always accepts.

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson."

"I guess cows aren't into the four food groups, especially when they are two of them."

There's nothing more irritating than seeing our teenage kids act like we did.

Babies haven't any hair:
Old men's heads are just as bare;
From the cradle to the grave
Lies a haircut and a shave.

moreluck · 09-09-2008, 05:10 AM

Teaching is not for sensitive souls. While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my ninth-grade English class, I posed the question, "I am beautiful is what tense?" One student raised her hand. "Past tense."

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." ~M.L.K. Jr.~

moreluck · 09-09-2008, 05:52 AM

"Sarah Palin was a huge hit with crowds on the campaign trail Saturday when she toured Wisconsin and Colorado. In one town she stopped by the local Moose Lodge. To the lodge members she's Joan of Arc but to the moose on the wall, she's O.J. Simpson."

"Barack Obama said Sarah Palin pretends to be against earmarks when she lobbied for them and John McCain pretends to be against lobbyists when they run his campaign. That's politics. Barack Obama pretends to be black and Joe Biden pretends to have hair."

~Argus Hamilton~

moreluck · 09-10-2008, 06:29 AM

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." --Andrew A. Rooney

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." --Mark Twain

"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
--Smiley Blanton

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed
contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans
are nuts." --John Steinbeck

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life,
his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." --Unknown

moreluck · 09-10-2008, 06:34 AM

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." -- Bob Hope

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

It is typical, in America, that a person's hometown is not the place where he is living now but is the place he left behind.

A statesman is a politician who places himself at the service of the nation. A politician is a statesman who places the nation at his service.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Don't throw away that old bucket until you are sure that the new one holds water.

moreluck · 09-11-2008, 06:00 AM

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." (Eric Hoffer)

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes whole box to start a campfire?

Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

moreluck · 09-12-2008, 05:13 AM

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

The best advice I ever received came to me from my ensign when I was a Wave at boot camp. She told me, "To stay out of trouble, say 'Yes, sir' all day and 'No Sir' all night."

A friend and I were hitchhiking, but no one would stop. "Maybe it's our long hair," I joked. With that, my friend scrawled on a piece of cardboard: "Going to the barber's."