How To Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner
Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it
cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.
Shoot olive pits at Grampa's glasses (just pinch them in your
fingers and they FLY!!)
Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the
letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.
Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when
Dad's not looking.
Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.
Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.
Hold your nose while you eat.
Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey
farms.
Mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't
notice, you were worried for nothing".
Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all
in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table.
Announce that you've got a new fear of choking.
When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an
hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together
all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.
Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE
SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket. | 
