UPS "MAN LAWS"

FEDEX · 08-04-2006, 10:31 AM

I invite my fellow men to join me in the creation of the UPS MAN LAWS. These are the unofficial "official" rules of the male ups driver. We will create this valuable list and upon completion we shall distribute this priceless knowledge to our fellow drivers.

1) Victoria Secret bags are always signature required.

2) Lane Bryant bags are always driver released.

3) Strip clubs are great places to drop in with a "bad" addressed package. "I have a package here for 123 Main St." "Oh it isn't here? Sorry!"

4) Same as #3 above but simply drop in to ask a question about the area. (Don't forget to look confused) "Hello ma'am. I'm looking for 123 Main St. Is this it?"

5) Do not roll up your sleeves on your uniform. You look like a fool as well as gay.

6) Make sure your shorts are baggy enough. Our shorts aren't supposed to double as spandex.

7) When you have a cute secretary on your route, keep the chit-chat to a minimum. Long enough to make her laugh but short enough so you don't turn into the "creepy UPS guy"

Please post your additions. When we have compiled enough "laws" I will rewrite them on a seperate thread so we will be able to print them and spread the word. Now let's get started............

ups "man laws" · 08-04-2006, 11:22 AM

I invite all of my fellow UPS drivers to join me in the creation of the first ever list of UPS "MAN LAWS" Ups "man laws" are the rules that us males have come to realize over the years. Unfortunately we are so busy that we usually don't have time to teach and educate are "brothers" and our newly appointed drivers. Until now! Let us compile a list and I will then re-write these laws on a seperate thread so we may print and distribute our knowledge to everyone! I feel 1 week is enough time to give us your best "rules" so get started.............me first:

1) Victoria Secret bags are always signature required.

2) Lane Bryant bags are always driver released.

3) Strip clubs. Simply walk into a strip club with any letter from your truck and tell the bouncer you need a sig. from the manager. While he fetches the manager, enjoy the view. Once the manager comes simply say "ooops, this isn't 123 Main St. Sorry!"

4) If you have a cute secretary on your route: Keep the chit-chat to a minimum. Stay just long enough to make her laugh but not long enough to turn into the "creepy UPS guy".

5) Do not roll up the sleeves on your uniform. You are not buff and you just look gay. If you are buff, you still look gay.

6) Don't wear shorts so small and tight that they could double as spandex.

Please continue.................

disneyworld · 08-04-2006, 11:39 AM

"NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT"

psstdrvr · 08-04-2006, 11:46 AM

When your sup breaks your chops, tell him your doing the best you can' then file a grievance against him for harassement. Don't forget to smile at him while his face turns bright red; also tell him to have a nice day. Better yet, ask him how the stocks doing or what the latest rumor is on the extension of their retirement age!!!!

diadlover · 08-04-2006, 12:28 PM

Bang the broads on your route OFF the clock. Shave your moustache, pornstar. If you have a female preloader.....request a male. Don't bother with female UPS drivers, they prefer women.

20_smoke · 08-04-2006, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psstdrvr

When your sup breaks your chops, tell him your doing the best you can' then file a grievance against him for harassement. Don't forget to smile at him while his face turns bright red; also tell him to have a nice day. Better yet, ask him how the stocks doing or what the latest rumor is on the extension of their retirement age!!!!

What does this have to do with this thread? If you don't like working for UPS, just quit!! I am sick of drivers with bad attitudes!! This guy puts up a harmless thread and you have to be negative. We all work for the same company. Do your job, follow the methods and shut up.

Man Rule: (During the summer)Always deliver to the back of the house if they have a pool. You'll be suprised what you see (or don't see)

pasfailure · 08-04-2006, 01:23 PM

If a Cutie asks you to, you take the pkgs 300 feet down a back hall and and stack them in a storage room, no matter how far behind you are. If a tub-a-goo with a partial mustache asks you say "sorry, have to leave the pkgs right here, on a tight schedule".

toonertoo · 08-04-2006, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diadlover

Don't bother with female UPS drivers, they prefer women.

What a cute thread....
Diad lover you are so gay.
Im not, just ask all my husbands..............

aspenleaf · 08-04-2006, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toonertoo

What a cute thread....
Diad lover you are so gay.
Im not, just ask all my husbands..............

Love it toonertoo!

diadlover just wishes the female drivers would pay attention to him.

I love the part of not rolling up your sleeves. One of my drivers does that. . .

And he was saying that my pink paper with roses and butterflies (sign for the truck) had people wondering. . .hmmm now I know it was the sleeves!

moreluck · 08-04-2006, 04:51 PM

I think D.L. watched too many Our Gang (Little Rascals) episodes as a kid and he became a member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club!

over9five · 08-04-2006, 04:56 PM

"Im not, just ask all my husbands.............."

SHE'S NOT!!!!

over9five · 08-04-2006, 04:59 PM

Low cut blouse?

Place the DIAD somewhere low where she'll have to lean forward to sign it.

over9five · 08-04-2006, 05:01 PM

Short skirt?

Place the DIAD somewhere high (where she'll have to CLIMB) to sign it.

Remember the movie Naked Gun?

"Nice beaver"

"Thank you. I just got it stuffed"

diadlover · 08-04-2006, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toonertoo

What a cute thread....
Diad lover you are so gay.
Im not, just ask all my husbands..............

LOL, how many do you have? Maybe the reason you've had so many husbands is because you are in denial.........

diadlover · 08-04-2006, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by over9five

Short skirt?

Place the DIAD somewhere high (where she'll have to CLIMB) to sign it.

Remember the movie Naked Gun?

"Nice beaver"

"Thank you. I just got it stuffed"

Oh man, that was great! I'm still laughing.

over9five · 08-04-2006, 05:23 PM

"Maybe the reason you've had so many husbands is because you are in denial........."

Ouch! Good comeback!

diadlover · 08-04-2006, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moreluck

I think D.L. watched too many Our Gang (Little Rascals) episodes as a kid and he became a member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club!

Actually I am a proud member of NO MA'AM.

08-04-2006, 06:20 PM

Remind the good looking secretaries on your route that UPS drivers:
1.) carry the biggest packages
2.) come three times a day
you know, 1.) 150lbs and 2.)deliver, deliver mis-spas later in the day and pickup....get your mind out the gutter i wasnt meaning it any other way LOL

toonertoo · 08-04-2006, 06:29 PM

Denial No, dey little yes.................until my most recent of course.......

08-04-2006, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ups "man laws"

I invite all of my fellow UPS drivers to join me in the creation of the first ever list of UPS "MAN LAWS" Ups "man laws" are the rules that us males have come to realize over the years. Unfortunately we are so busy that we usually don't have time to teach and educate are "brothers" and our newly appointed drivers. Until now! Let us compile a list and I will then re-write these laws on a seperate thread so we may print and distribute our knowledge to everyone! I feel 1 week is enough time to give us your best "rules" so get started.............me first:

1) Victoria Secret bags are always signature required.

2) Lane Bryant bags are always driver released.

3) Strip clubs. Simply walk into a strip club with any letter from your truck and tell the bouncer you need a sig. from the manager. While he fetches the manager, enjoy the view. Once the manager comes simply say "ooops, this isn't 123 Main St. Sorry!"

4) If you have a cute secretary on your route: Keep the chit-chat to a minimum. Stay just long enough to make her laugh but not long enough to turn into the "creepy UPS guy".

5) Do not roll up the sleeves on your uniform. You are not buff and you just look gay. If you are buff, you still look gay.

6) Don't wear shorts so small and tight that they could double as spandex.

Please continue.................

If i may suggest an enhancement to #2...buy your dispatch supv a coffee or give them an old donut in order to help your fellow drivers....A specific address can have a note....might i suggest a simple "H" for 123 main st where the hottie lives...who cares about the beware of dog warning prompt LOL

ragu · 08-04-2006, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ups "man laws"

5) Do not roll up the sleeves on your uniform. You are not buff and you just look gay. If you are buff, you still look gay.

Good luck trying to make this fly here in Metro NJ, where over half the drivers look gay on a daily basis.

P.S. STOP THE FLAMING ALREADY!!!!!!!

08-04-2006, 07:18 PM

TRY TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE WHEN A WOMAN ANSWERS THE DOOR WITH A MARIAH CAREY BODY AND A PHYLISS DILLER FACE.....YIKES..

speeddemon · 08-04-2006, 07:30 PM

Always make the lady mowing her grass in a thong sign for her stuff!

disneyworld · 08-04-2006, 07:49 PM

What's up with the FEDEX guy trying to hijack your post?

scratch · 08-04-2006, 08:32 PM

FEDEX guy posted first, then UPS "Man Laws" posted the same thing claiming to be a UPS driver. They must be the same poster. Do Fedex drivers do the same as us?