UPS Jokes - Brown Cafe

dammor · 04-09-2007, 09:13 PM

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an
amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the
mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out.
Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even
10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to
go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was
still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure
and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel
quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife
considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to
him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the
husband had experienced none. She and the husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, they found the UPS man dead on the porch.....

over9five · 04-10-2007, 04:05 AM

LOL! Nice.

wily_old_vet · 04-10-2007, 06:02 AM

ROFLMAO!! Glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that or I'd be cleaning my monitor screen right now.

cheryl · 10-03-2007, 05:28 PM

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild."

"Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."
The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?"

"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and with only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responded. "Your name came up seven times..."

DS · 10-03-2007, 08:26 PM

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention
in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When
he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off
down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."

"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00,
looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85
year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

buddy1 · 10-09-2007, 02:53 PM

heres a great one :
what do you get if you cross UPS and FEDEX ??
fedup ha ha ha

it still kills at parties !!!!!

Insta Gator · 10-09-2009, 11:30 PM

Two UPS Managers and a
Teamster were out fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus
walked across the water and joined them in the boat.

When the astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the
first Manager asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back
pain ever since I had this car accident 5 years ago... could
you help me?" "Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he
touched the Manager’s back, he felt relief for the first
time in years.

The second Manager, who was suffering from a
work related stress disorder, asked if Jesus could do
anything about his anxiety. Jesus smiled, and placed his
hand on the Managers arm and the Manager instantly felt at
peace with the world.

When Jesus turned to the Teamster, the
Teamster put his hands up and screamed, "Don't touch me! I'm
on long-term disability!"

J Steven Schadel · 11-15-2009, 05:51 PM

The postman always rings twice, but the UPS guy comes 3 times!

corndog · 11-16-2009, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddy1

heres a great one :
what do you get if you cross UPS and FEDEX ??
fedup ha ha ha

it still kills at parties !!!!!

Weak...

upsgrunt · 11-17-2009, 10:13 AM

Not weak- DEAD!
At least it should be.

Ryan1984 · 11-17-2009, 10:24 AM

Anyone have anything new? I've heard all these, and not just once...

cachsux · 11-17-2009, 10:39 AM

OK,heres one.
A DTS sup and his trainee drive into the CACH yard and proceed to post trip their set. They check hub heat,z scan all the marker lights,undo all the hoses and chains,follow all safety procedures as they uncouple and pull the front box away. And...prompletly drop the back box on its nose because they failed to crank the legs down on their walk around.

Hmm...I guess it`s funnier when you`re there.