in need of some honest opinions and experiences

[Forty6and2]

Hi everyone. Let me explain the situation as best I can- and then hopefully I can get some honest advice, opinions, and/or experiences to help with my situation.

My wife works a Monday thru Friday office job. Her hours are mostly 8-430. Every two weeks she has to stay late on Monday and Tuesday, but for the most part she works 8-430.

I am a Temporary Cover Driver at UPS (so sometimes I am working full-time, and sometimes I am only working part-time).

On the weekends (since there isn't much time during the week), my wife likes to run errands and catch up with friends and family for a majority of Friday after work and Saturday. Sometimes these "errands" cut into Sunday too.

These other activities are all pretty much the same every weekend. They include getting grocieries on Friday night. Sometimes my wife wants to go shopping at Kohl's or Target. And on some weekends she also wants to go to Sam's Club, or Costco. Then of course there are her family and friends or my family and friends that we try to make plans with every now and then.

My dilemma is this. She claims that these activities are necessary because "she gets depressed if she stays home all weekend."

I realize that I am not considered a full-time driver at UPS yet, but I plan on going full-time one day. And I see most of these weekend activities as being unnecessary. I enjoy my free time and would much rather stay at home than be "out and about." I don't understand the point of making a monthly house payment if neither one of us is ever there to use the darn thing. I feel that (when I am driving at UPS) I spend all week in traffic- and that I should be allowed to relax and recouperate over the weekend.

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anyone else out there that feels how I feel- or am I the only one? Is there any advice that some of you full-timers can give to me to help me? How would/does everyone cope with this situation?

I am really interested to hear the responses.

[big_arrow_up]

Originally Posted by Forty6and2

Hi everyone. Let me explain the situation as best I can- and then hopefully I can get some honest advice, opinions, and/or experiences to help with my situation.

My wife works a Monday thru Friday office job. Her hours are mostly 8-430. Every two weeks she has to stay late on Monday and Tuesday, but for the most part she works 8-430.

I am a Temporary Cover Driver at UPS (so sometimes I am working full-time, and sometimes I am only working part-time).

On the weekends (since there isn't much time during the week), my wife likes to run errands and catch up with friends and family for a majority of Friday after work and Saturday. Sometimes these "errands" cut into Sunday too.

These other activities are all pretty much the same every weekend. They include getting grocieries on Friday night. Sometimes my wife wants to go shopping at Kohl's or Target. And on some weekends she also wants to go to Sam's Club, or Costco. Then of course there are her family and friends or my family and friends that we try to make plans with every now and then.

My dilemma is this. She claims that these activities are necessary because "she gets depressed if she stays home all weekend."

I realize that I am not considered a full-time driver at UPS yet, but I plan on going full-time one day. And I see most of these weekend activities as being unnecessary. I enjoy my free time and would much rather stay at home than be "out and about." I don't understand the point of making a monthly house payment if neither one of us is ever there to use the darn thing. I feel that (when I am driving at UPS) I spend all week in traffic- and that I should be allowed to relax and recouperate over the weekend.

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anyone else out there that feels how I feel- or am I the only one? Is there any advice that some of you full-timers can give to me to help me? How would/does everyone cope with this situation?

I am really interested to hear the responses.

It's not unreasonable at all. I like to chill on the weekends too. My problem is that my wife doesn't work right now so she gets bored and becomes a housewife on steroids. Meaning.....she cooks and cleans all day. That isn't the problem. The problem is that she still does that on the weekends and I would rather her just chill. It's because she feels guilty that she isn't working right now even though I've told her a hundred times that she doesn't really have to work right now if she doesn't want to. It's up to her. I just want her to chill on the weekends. She works herself crazy.

[Bad Gas!]

It's always give and take.maybe you can alternate weekends.Have a real busy weekend where you go above and beyond(like helping with the erands and groceries and yardwork etc) followed by a super chill layback weekend....Or, you can split your Sat. and Sun....Get up early and knock out stuff before bad traffic.Have a dinner date set-up at home with a movie.Throw back a few beers or whatver yours and hers preferrences....and then....

[toonertoo]

Im with you. I wish I could never leave my house on the weekends. I never get enough time to be home, and I just want to be home. There isnt much time for anything but work during the week, and my family is all 100 miles away, no one wants to come "so far" to see me, but get funny that I dont come "up there" more often. The last thing I want to do is spend a day shopping. Id just like to go out to a leisurely dinner with my husband, and maybe have enough energy to go listen to a band once in awhile. I try to get my shopping done on the way home Friday, but I usually run out of gas and say screw it Ill do it later. Then I face the crowds which I hate.
So no its not unreasonable, or unjustified, to want to relax, but when you are married to someone who doesnt feel the same you have yourself a dilemna. Good Luck

[dannyboy]

This is a problem that is not only UPS related. You find it in just about any other field.

It is especially tough if the spouse does not work, cause she feels imprisoned in the house. She does not want, nor does she feel like she can get out without you.

I dont shop on friday nights, or sat nights either, cause of the crowds. Early Sat or sunday. Get in, get what you need, get out. That way you have the stores to yourself.

Family and friends.....well at least you get to leave the messes there instead of 30+ people coming over every weekend.

Like has been mentioned, you need a give and take weekend, or at least every other weekend.

I have a retail shop that really needs to be open every day, 7 a week. But I choose to close down one day a week, Saturday, just for me and family time. Been that way since before I was retired. So we only have one day for R&R, and we try to make the most of it. And staying at home is a favorite past time with me as well.

d

[satellitedriver]

You are asking three different questions.
Marriage
Work
and how to balance them.
Join the club.
Just try and keep a positive attitude.
There is no silver bullet.

[DorkHead]

Do whatever she wants or she will find someone else for the weekend.

[trplnkl]

The compromising mentioned in several posts are , of course, the best way to tackle this problem. However it takes two people willing to give and take, if either of you are not willing to do that you have a serious problem. I went through many years of the same type of thing substituting her sports related activities for your wife's shopping/errands. To make a long story short. it all ended in a divorce after 34 years of complicated busy marriage. NOW is the time to start working on a solution before it is too late. I recommend seeing a counselor together If your wife is seriously getting depressed if she does not go shopping, she really needs to find the root of that depression. I am not a professional counselor but I believe you and your darling wife need to talk to one.

Side note: If you don't have children yet, there are ways of preventing that from happening until this dilemma is solved.

[UpstateNYUPSer]

I am by no means a counselor or Dr Phil, but it seems obvious to me that your wife is simply bored. She stays home all week, keeping herself busy by cleaning, and wants to get out of the house on the weekends. Meanwhile, you work all week, usually fairly long hours, and want to stay home all weekend. It appears as though your earnings from UPS are more than enough to maintain your household so you wife doesn't "have" to work but it is clear to me that she either needs to get a part-time job or perhaps volunteer or do something to get out of the house during the week so that she will have that interaction that she is lacking. You may suggest to her that she check with the local hospital for volunteering opportunities or stop by a employment agency to see if there are any part-time jobs that may interest her. Bottom line, she is bored and needs an outlet to relieve that boredom.

[Brown Dog]

Good questions, Only you and your wife can answer. The sooner you two find an aggreeable compromise, the better. Left unsettled,it will fester and not go away. We (all us married people) are in the same boat. It's give and take on BOTH sides and both have to agree to a plan. To be happily married to a UPSer, one needs alot of understanding and patience, we are gone alot, and we are tired when we get home. We need to be loving and understanding also, so that we have someone there when we get home. Good Luck!

[barnyard]

Happy wife, happy life.

I got nothing else.

TB

[rod]

Originally Posted by barnyard

Happy wife, happy life.

I got nothing else.

TB

Same as:

If Moma ain't happy

Nobodys happy

[Channahon]

You may want to share some of the chores, when you are working part time. Have her make a list of what she needs for the weekend, and do the shopping for her.

Then let her know you would like to spend the weekend with her and plan some activity that you both enjoy. An overnight stay somewhere is always a nice way to break out of a routine.

The activity does'nt have to last all day, I usually plan morning hours, so you will still have the afternoon or evenings to share and chill together.

Life, marriage and work can be manageable.
Good luck!!

[Tony31yrs]

Having weekends off was the only thing that kept my sanity over 31 years at UPS. You have to pretty much sacrifice your life to the job M-F, so having 2 days away from it is necessary. We have a place in the country that I went to almost every Saturday to unwind, but as long as I wasn't wearing brown, I didn't have to stay home to relax. Of course I didn't get a lot done at home with all the hours put in during the week. When I retired, it took almost 2 years to do all the little things I had to do around the house. Make a deal with your wife to do some of the things that she wants to do and do some of the things you want to do. Realize that she is pretty much a widow M-F.

[Forty6and2]

Originally Posted by UpstateNYUPSer

I am by no means a counselor or Dr Phil, but it seems obvious to me that your wife is simply bored. She stays home all week, keeping herself busy by cleaning, and wants to get out of the house on the weekends. Meanwhile, you work all week, usually fairly long hours, and want to stay home all weekend. It appears as though your earnings from UPS are more than enough to maintain your household so you wife doesn't "have" to work but it is clear to me that she either needs to get a part-time job or perhaps volunteer or do something to get out of the house during the week so that she will have that interaction that she is lacking. You may suggest to her that she check with the local hospital for volunteering opportunities or stop by a employment agency to see if there are any part-time jobs that may interest her. Bottom line, she is bored and needs an outlet to relieve that boredom.

read the post again...
my wife has an office job 8 am to 430 pm.

[Forty6and2]

Originally Posted by barnyard

Happy wife, happy life.

I got nothing else.

TB

i feel that way too. she does alot for me and keeps me out of trouble. and i enjoy spending as much time as i can with her, but then i just sometimes get sick of running around all the time. it gets old after awhile.

[Average at Best]

Originally Posted by Forty6and2

Hi everyone. Let me explain the situation as best I can- and then hopefully I can get some honest advice, opinions, and/or experiences to help with my situation.

My wife works a Monday thru Friday office job. Her hours are mostly 8-430. Every two weeks she has to stay late on Monday and Tuesday, but for the most part she works 8-430.

I am a Temporary Cover Driver at UPS (so sometimes I am working full-time, and sometimes I am only working part-time).

On the weekends (since there isn't much time during the week), my wife likes to run errands and catch up with friends and family for a majority of Friday after work and Saturday. Sometimes these "errands" cut into Sunday too.

These other activities are all pretty much the same every weekend. They include getting grocieries on Friday night. Sometimes my wife wants to go shopping at Kohl's or Target. And on some weekends she also wants to go to Sam's Club, or Costco. Then of course there are her family and friends or my family and friends that we try to make plans with every now and then.

My dilemma is this. She claims that these activities are necessary because "she gets depressed if she stays home all weekend."

I realize that I am not considered a full-time driver at UPS yet, but I plan on going full-time one day. And I see most of these weekend activities as being unnecessary. I enjoy my free time and would much rather stay at home than be "out and about." I don't understand the point of making a monthly house payment if neither one of us is ever there to use the darn thing. I feel that (when I am driving at UPS) I spend all week in traffic- and that I should be allowed to relax and recouperate over the weekend.

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anyone else out there that feels how I feel- or am I the only one? Is there any advice that some of you full-timers can give to me to help me? How would/does everyone cope with this situation?

I am really interested to hear the responses.

Here's my two cents, which probably aren't worth much since I am single and don't have to compromise with anyone:

The one thing I notice about my married friends is that they have to do EVERYTHING together. I understand that if you are both working full-time during the work week, you probably don't get a lot of quality time together and need the weekends for catching up. However, it's perfectly okay (at least in my opinion) if you stay home and relax while she goes out to visit friends and family. Does she insist on you accompanying her on these social visits? If not, you could gracefully decline her offer to go out once in a while so that you can stay home. Admittedly, you can't do this all the time, but it's a thought.

As far as the errand-running goes, I try to do all mine throughout the week after work so that I can park the car Friday night and not touch it again until Monday morning. With a little planning Sunday night, I make up all my lists (grocery, library, etc) and then hit one place a night (grocery on Monday, library on Tuesday...). It frees up more weekend time than you might think, since everyone else does their major shopping on the weekends, and the lines at the local Walmart are atrocious. If her shopping issue is solely a time issue, planning ahead might help. If her shopping issue is a "remedy" for depression, than its a serious issue you should address now, before you find yourself with credit card debt and a more depressed wife.

Those are just my opinions. Hope everything works out.

[cino321]

This is a excellent thread, stuff that I've encountered in my own relationship has all been mentioned here. It's comforting to know I wasn't the only one. Thanks guys.

[toonertoo]

And its not just the spouse.
Friends and family cannot fathom why you dont want to make a 2 hr drive to attend a shower, a christening, a picnic. Number one is I dont want to drive, number 2 is it takes me four hours, number three is I cant have a beverage, coz I gotta drive. Four hours out of a weekend driving kills it for me.
My husband gets bored as he hasnt worked in a while, but from 10 yrs of living my hours he is very gracious. I tell him, Go, tell me all about it. Its just not what I want to do. Ill probaly be single before long, but I know my limits also. Things I used to do that are almost intolerable now, is going out to "enjoy" a meal when I get home. Weekends with heavy plans have me dreading it all week. If I cant have 2 days, I need at least one. And summer is worse, coz I want to go but dont have the gas.