To UPS Customers Reading This Site -

[Livin the Dream?]

We love you, UPS customer. You pay our paycheck.

There are a few ways I wish to show appreciation, by saving you money (more to be added as I think of them)

1. Please do not put "Fragile" stickers on your boxes. Very sorry, but they are meaningless. The boxes that have "Fragile" stickers, the boxes with no stickers, and the boxes with stickers that say "Kick the living SH__ out of this package", all get treated the same. There is only one exception - Boxes with multiple "Fragile" stickers are beat to hell on purpose.

2. "This Side Up" stickers. Dear God, if you only knew. The only time this sticker does anything is when the package is finally placed on your porch. Trust me, it has pointed in every other direction along the way. Don't send anything that has to stay in one position - it won't.

3. Cell phone companies - I'm certain that it is extremely important to save that few extra pennies by sending your phones in tiny white bags, when most people pay $400 for a stupid phone and $149.99/month for the "Family Fav 5 talk-to-all, you gonna pay out your butt" plan. Spend an extra buck for each phone shipment, and send the phones in a box. The bags you send might as well have a huge STEAL ME PLEASE sticker on them, but we don't read stickers.

4. We appreciate that you like pizza and beer. So do we. The boxes you receive your pizza and beer in are for, you guessed it, pizza and beer. When you send your Grandmas rare Ming Dynasty vase across country wrapped in duct tape & a cut up pizza box (You've tried the rest, now try the "FRAGILE"), we find it hard to take you seriously. To save time & money, simply smash the vase before shipping it.

5. You know those guys at the County Fair that guess your weight correctly or you win a prize? Well, they cheat, they have a scale under you. And we at UPS are better at knowing the weight of a box than them. UPS employees can look at a box ON ANOTHER PLANET and know the weight within a pound or so. So when you ship that used automatic transmission from a '71 Pontiac (rear axle included) and you put the weight at "25lbs", you are not fooling anyone. Put the right weight on, or it screws up your shipment. Speaking of heavy boxes.....

6. Never put "69lbs" as the weight. Any box sent thru UPS with a weight of 69lbs might as well have a sticker on it that says "This box was freakin heavy, but we don't want to pay the 70+ pound rate". But we don't read the stickers. It will be re-weighed, found to weigh 270lbs, and you will get your Pontiac transmission returned un-delivered.

7. Never ship florescent lights. God himself cannot package them so they will not get broken. Buy them locally.

8. Shipping Nuts & bolts - small boxes, lots of tape, heavy, heavy cardboard please. If when you wrap the nuts & bolts in a used pizza box (see above) and it splits open & spills all over before we even pick it up, I would venture to say that the box won't "heal" itself during its' cross-country delivery - the receiver will most probably receive an empty, broken box.

9. Please use this handy "Is My Packaging Adequate" test - Whatever you are shipping, wrap & box it. Bring it into the largest room in your home, and stand in one corner. Take your package, and throw it as hard as you can into the opposite corner, but you have to hit the ceiling on the way. If the contents survives this, it has a 50% chance of surviving shipping, which is as good as you are gonna get.

[dilligaf]

OMG! ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!! I laughed so hard.............................BRB


OK I'm back. That is freaking hilarious.

[Moneythehardway]

Congratulations! You just shaved a few stops off of every driver's route =)

[over9five]

Definitely needs to be posted at PackageSmashers!


(Not that I've ever been there.....)

[kingOFchester]

10) Just because your ferocious, vicious, foaming at the mouth pit bull loves you from head to toe, does not mean that he likes the UPS driver. Certainly don't tell the said driver how the dog was just giving them a wet kiss when the driver has blood dripping from his/her leg. Most importantly, keep the dog in when you expect a package or the package may be 1, 2, 3, and gone. A drivers schedule is pretty predictable.

[over9five]

Originally Posted by kingOFchester

10) A drivers schedule is pretty predictable.

You must not have EDD yet....

[kingOFchester]

Originally Posted by over9five

You must not have EDD yet....

Well, to be honest, I only drove for 2.3 months over peak. We do have edd and I know where I live my driver is here everyday between 11 and 11:30. Perhaps I am lucky that my stop doesn't get put on a spit?

[Livin the Dream?]

11. If you are expecting a "signature-only" package and you know you will not be home - I'll work with you. Leave a note, but please - include the words "UPS, Your Name, OK to deliver, maybe a tracking number". Please try to write the note on paper, not......wait for it..... a pizza box.

Seriously had this situation - sig req - note on front door had 4 words - "Need Today! Leave Here!"

[JimJimmyJames]

Great thread!

[Brown_Noser]

Very funny LTD and very true!
I also don’t think I have ever seen a big, or even small, box of nuts/bolts that haven’t been half open or already spilled before it gets to me!

[rod]

We really don't care if your second cousin on you adopted aunts side of the family is a "Big Wig" at UPS in someplace you can't remember.

[Livin the Dream?]

Originally Posted by rod

We really don't care if your second cousin on you adopted aunts side of the family is a "Big Wig" at UPS in someplace you can't remember.

LMFAO!! I can't believe I forgot that - How many times a day do I hear "My cousins brother Bob was a helper a few Christmases ago - you know him?"

[Paid-over-in-Maine]

LMAO! Great thread LTD!

[evilleace]

I had a taped up Mt. Dew box with newspaper shoved in the end that had been opened come down the belt a couple of months back I almost fell over laughing.

[fethrs]

I've worked in re-wrap for about 6 or 7 years. I've seen it ALL. The fast food joints use ARS labels to send headsets back to a company here to be repaired. I have seen McDonalds Big Mac "boxes" used as a shipping box for the headset with the ARS label wrapped around it and the box beat all to hell.
Documents and flourescent lamps are not insured by UPS....imagine that.

[MobileBA]

Remember those shock sensors that turned red? I remember as a preloader , you guessed it, setting them off so they turned red.

[kingOFchester]

Originally Posted by MobileBA

Remember those shock sensors that turned red? I remember as a preloader , you guessed it, setting them off so they turned red.

1.9 years......seen only one come thru ok.

[MonavieLeaker]

Originally Posted by over9five

Definitely needs to be posted at PackageSmashers!


(Not that I've ever been there.....)

[Billy]

Yes in fact we do know what they would call the company if UPS and FED EX merged. We get it and have for a long time now.

[pickup]

Originally Posted by Billy

Yes in fact we do know what they would call the company if UPS and FED EX merged. We get it and have for a long time now.

SCREWED UPS

[pickup]

LIVING THE DREAM stated "2. "This Side Up" stickers. Dear God, if you only knew. The only time this sticker does anything is when the package is finally placed on your porch. Trust me, it has pointed in every other direction along the way. Don't send anything that has to stay in one position - it won't."

Very true, in feeders, hazmat materials have to be in the back of the trailer, with the accompanying paperwork on the side (yeah, right!). I always find hazmat liquid packages upside down with the arrow pointing down . It would probably take a bump or two on the highway to pop the lid when the contents and gravity are pushing it away from the container. I don't wait for that to happen I always upright them and try to brace them with other packages so that I don't have a hazmat leak. Remember feeder drivers, you're the one that is going to have to deal with a hazmat leak on the road, not the loaders. I would rather deal with turning them over now than explaining to a state trooper what the story is with the liquid coming out of the trailer

[Livin the Dream?]

12. UPS Provides very popular services for a very good price. You need it there fast, you use "AIR", you need it there eventually, you use "GROUND". Air=Fast, Ground=Eventually. You, the customer, must make a judgment call. No, we cannot make it for you.

All too often, we will be in possession of your shipment with writing all over the box, labels (as stated, we read no labels) saying "RUSH, perishable, Please don't Dilly-Dally, deliver IMMEDIATELY!!!!"

And you have sent it UPS Ground.

Please, dear customer - The box could have a hand written label from GOD HIMSELF, stating "URGENT DELIVERY!!! HUMAN LIVER ENCLOSED for little Timmy's transplant!!!! MUST BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY!!!!" But if you sent it UPS Ground, that is how it is delivered.

So, by the time I deliver a defrosted human liver (probably during little Timmy's wake) to some very unhappy recipients, we are more than willing to point out that the sender sent it UPS Ground. We say it nicely, however, something such as "Huh, Aunt Beatrice who sent this must not have liked Timmy very much".

You're welcome.

[DS]

Am I the only one that fails to see the humor in this thread?
Our customers are the bread and butter of ups.Personally,when I encounter a pkg that has fragile stickers on it,I treat it as such.You make it sound like we go out of our way to do a number on it like Jim Carey did in pet detective.I agree that a lot of people need to be trained how to package something to arrive in good shape,but most of the damages are caused by residential shippers that have no idea how many millions of pkgs go through our system every day.As drivers,you will not be disciplined for refusing to pick up a pkg that you feel will not survive the system.Most people appreciate the extra day it takes to repack thier ming vase and have it delivered intact.
Sorry but some things really bug me.

[Livin the Dream?]

For what it's worth - my money was on the defrosted liver meant for little Timmy's transplant to have the "Hey, that's not funny" response.

[DS]

Originally Posted by olliejenkins1

Hmmmm.......You have kids and senior citizens making 8.50 an hour working at a crappy job and you expect them to respect somebody else's junk?

YES