Random Myth's and other Lie's - Page 3 - Brown Cafe

Re-Raise · 06-26-2009, 05:19 PM

" I will be the fastest to ever make it to full-time driver because I tell all the management people I see that I REALLY want to drive" ... BBAG

longlunchguy · 06-26-2009, 05:35 PM

[QUOTE=stevetheupsguy;554432]You don't have to worry about me, Dad, I'm never having children.

You made me spit soda out my nose. When is that baby due, grampa?

bigblu 2 you · 06-26-2009, 05:36 PM

iso 9000 and management will act promptly on your concerns,also every package is a guest of honor.

Hoaxster · 06-26-2009, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevetheupsguy

You don't have to worry about me, Dad, I'm never having boys.

There you go Steve, I fixed it for ya.

stevetheupsguy · 06-26-2009, 05:58 PM

[quote=longlunchguy;554452]

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevetheupsguy

You don't have to worry about me, Dad, I'm never having children.

You made me spit soda out my nose. When is that baby due, grampa?

She's due mid August. Whoopee, can't wait.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hoaxster

There you go Steve, I fixed it for ya.

Only problem with this is, she is having a boy. Go figure!

Hoaxster · 06-26-2009, 06:10 PM

stevetheupsguy -You don't have to worry about me, Dad, I'm never having boys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hoaxster

There you go Steve, I fixed it for ya.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevetheupsguy

Only problem with this is, she is having a boy. Go figure!

Oh, I misunderstood ... I thought that was what you said to your dad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevetheupsguy

She's due mid August. Whoopee, can't wait.

And that attitude will change once that baby boy gets here!

.

moontheloon1982 · 06-26-2009, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ups1990

"Call the center by 2pm, if you need help."

"it comes off really easy"

oh yeah, "that stuff just falls off the car"
Maybe if I "forget" to close my back door and go do some burnouts it will fall off.

rod · 06-26-2009, 08:38 PM

Ok - help me out here. There used to be a standing joke about the worlds 3 biggest lies.

1. The check is in the mail

2. I promise I won't ---- in your

3. ??????????

Re-Raise · 06-26-2009, 09:00 PM

My dad always said it was "We're from the government and we 're here to help you."

He had his eightieth birthday 2 weeks ago. Korean vet and I still wouldn't want to fight him.

MechanicForBrown · 06-26-2009, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleeve_meet_Heart

"We honestly care about our employees."

"Expectation Zero"

"Health and Wellness Week" - my personal favourite. Safety azz kisser hands out flyers at the entrance, reminding you to eat your fruits veggies and quit smoking. Handed out by a 300 pound young woman smoking a Marlboro.

I know who your talking about, I get a kick out of that! I see her all the time.

Sleeve_meet_Heart · 06-27-2009, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MechanicForBrown

I know who your talking about, I get a kick out of that! I see her all the time.

Jones · 06-27-2009, 03:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rod

Ok - help me out here. There used to be a standing joke about the worlds 3 biggest lies.

1. The check is in the mail

2. I promise I won't ---- in your

3. ??????????

I think you covered it. I always heard the joke as the being the worlds two biggest lies.

bubsdad · 06-27-2009, 04:39 AM

Here are the two biggest ones told to me at interview when I was hired:
"Work will slow down a little in January and maybe February but then it will pick up again"

"We have at least 35 guys that are going to retire in the next two years"
What a bunch of crap on both accounts.

trplnkl · 06-27-2009, 06:19 AM

No Exceptions

City Driver · 06-27-2009, 06:39 AM

from management

"home is your most important stop"

funny, they use to tell me baker and taylor was the most important stop

Mike23 · 06-27-2009, 03:51 PM

Got a good one from Friday when asking how the time studies was done. Apparently pickups are worth twice the time allowance of deliveries so I was told, 'The more pickups you do the less we put on your truck'.

Umm, I had FIVE new dailies added and nothing taken off...shouldn't that be my 10 resies off my truck? Oh, wait, it's management math, I forgot, only they know how it works because it's 'a complicated mathematical formula'.

I still think we're hiding that formula in the FedEx building.

code5 · 06-27-2009, 05:14 PM

A fair days work for a fair days pay.

Big Babooba · 06-27-2009, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike23

Got a good one from Friday when asking how the time studies was done. Apparently pickups are worth twice the time allowance of deliveries so I was told, 'The more pickups you do the less we put on your truck'.

Umm, I had FIVE new dailies added and nothing taken off...shouldn't that be my 10 resies off my truck? Oh, wait, it's management math, I forgot, only they know how it works because it's 'a complicated mathematical formula'.

I still think we're hiding that formula in the FedEx building.

Remember, YOU brought up the subject.

rate in: 2 x 0.50
rate out: 1 x s(t)/(100+t)

s'(t) = 1- s(t)/(100+t)
s'(t) + s(t)/(100+t) = 1

a(t) = 1/(100+t) , b(t) = 1

using u(t) = exp(integ(a(t)dt)):
u(t) = exp(integ(a(t)dt))
u(t) = exp (ln (100+t))
u(t) = 100+t

using d/dt u(t)s(t) = u(t)b(t):
d/dt [(100+t)s(t)]= (100+t)(1)
(100+t)s(t)=integ(100+t)
(100+t)s(t) = 100t + 1/2t^2 + C
s(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2 +C ]/(100+t)

sub s(0) = 0 into s(t)
0 = [0+0+c]/[100+0]
c= 0
s(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2]/(100+t)

c(t) = s(t)/100
c(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2]/100(100+t)

500 = 100+t
t= 400
then found c(t)

c(400) = [100(400)+1/2(400)^2]/100(100+400)
c(400) = 2.4

City Driver · 06-27-2009, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Babooba

Remember, YOU brought up the subject.

rate in: 2 x 0.50
rate out: 1 x s(t)/(100+t)

s'(t) = 1- s(t)/(100+t)
s'(t) + s(t)/(100+t) = 1

a(t) = 1/(100+t) , b(t) = 1

using u(t) = exp(integ(a(t)dt)):
u(t) = exp(integ(a(t)dt))
u(t) = exp (ln (100+t))
u(t) = 100+t

using d/dt u(t)s(t) = u(t)b(t):
d/dt [(100+t)s(t)]= (100+t)(1)
(100+t)s(t)=integ(100+t)
(100+t)s(t) = 100t + 1/2t^2 + C
s(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2 +C ]/(100+t)

sub s(0) = 0 into s(t)
0 = [0+0+c]/[100+0]
c= 0
s(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2]/(100+t)

c(t) = s(t)/100
c(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2]/100(100+t)

500 = 100+t
t= 400
then found c(t)

c(400) = [100(400)+1/2(400)^2]/100(100+400)
c(400) = 2.4

bluehdmc · 06-27-2009, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rod

Ok - help me out here. There used to be a standing joke about the worlds 3 biggest lies.

1. The check is in the mail

2. I promise I won't ---- in your

3. ??????????

1. The check is in the mail

2. I'll respect you in the morning

3. The computer is down/we have a systems/software problem

(or has the word problem been replaced by "issues")

upsclerk · 06-27-2009, 08:21 PM

We have a plan...we are going to fix the preload.

JustTired · 06-28-2009, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike23

Got a good one from Friday when asking how the time studies was done. Apparently pickups are worth twice the time allowance of deliveries so I was told, 'The more pickups you do the less we put on your truck'.

Umm, I had FIVE new dailies added and nothing taken off...shouldn't that be my 10 resies off my truck?

That's not how it works. You should know better. But if you lose just one of those pickups.......you will have 10 "resies" added. God help you if you lose more than 1.

On a related note.....I once had a bridge out that sent me 8 miles (twice a day) out of my way to get around it. I asked for an adjustment to my dispatch to compensate. Nothing happened and for many months I just bit the bullet and forgot about it.

Now , here's the kicker......when the bridge opened back up, they wanted to add stops on. I told them that they never took anything off. So (at least at that point) they backed off. Unbelievable!!!.......Not!!!

Mike23 · 06-28-2009, 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Babooba

Remember, YOU brought up the subject.

rate in: 2 x 0.50
rate out: 1 x s(t)/(100+t)

s'(t) = 1- s(t)/(100+t)
s'(t) + s(t)/(100+t) = 1

a(t) = 1/(100+t) , b(t) = 1

using u(t) = exp(integ(a(t)dt)):
u(t) = exp(integ(a(t)dt))
u(t) = exp (ln (100+t))
u(t) = 100+t

using d/dt u(t)s(t) = u(t)b(t):
d/dt [(100+t)s(t)]= (100+t)(1)
(100+t)s(t)=integ(100+t)
(100+t)s(t) = 100t + 1/2t^2 + C
s(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2 +C ]/(100+t)

sub s(0) = 0 into s(t)
0 = [0+0+c]/[100+0]
c= 0
s(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2]/(100+t)

c(t) = s(t)/100
c(t) = [100t + 1/2t^2]/100(100+t)

500 = 100+t
t= 400
then found c(t)

c(400) = [100(400)+1/2(400)^2]/100(100+400)
c(400) = 2.4

Ooooooh, so it all comes back to 2.4! I HATE 2.4!

upser_J · 06-29-2009, 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slantnosechevy

"We make money on the pickups not the delivery"

in all honesty this one is kinda true though, in general UPS only gets paid to pick up a box, they don't charge the receiver of the box the delivery charge. haha

plus, i doubt they'd "care" as much for safety if they didn't have to pay claims and insurance

trplnkl · 06-29-2009, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by upser_J

in all honesty this one is kinda true though, in general UPS only gets paid to pick up a box, they don't charge the receiver of the box the delivery charge. haha

plus, i doubt they'd "care" as much for safety if they didn't have to pay claims and insurance

Actually we are getting paid to move packages from point A to point B, we just get the pay from point A(generally).

I agree on the safety issue, Including the legal aspect.